Story of My Life

My Brother the Hero

2012-01-16T08:15:00.000-08:00

Cheapskate, Frugal, Tightwad; these are just some of the words my friends can use to describe me. Funny how I have no problem spending $1,200 on a plane ticket if I want to go somewhere, but will throw a temper tantrum in the middle of an aisle at the cost of laundry detergent. Well...looks like you can also throw "$100-to-cut-and-haul-your-limbs-away" into the category without coupons.

A letter from the city came in the mail ON MY BIRTHDAY telling me I had one week to get the limbs in the street to a "14ft. clearance". I don't have the tools for that business, nor do I have any idea how tall something higher than six feet is, NOR do I have time during the holidays and my work week to have several estimators come out and take a look. So I hired a man who charged an outrageous price to come and cut down four, discussed, limbs; two in the street, one over the house, and one over the driveway. When he tells me that it will be an extra ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS to cut up four limbs and throw them in a truck...well, you know I put on my girl scout boots and told him to just pile the branches in the backyard and i would use them for firewood.

You can imagine my surprise when I got home after work and THIS was the pile of "four branches" previously discussed...

Good grief Charlie Brown! What the heck am I supposed to do with that? And snakes? or Rats? Ew its only a matter of time!!! So I sent this picture to my wonderful brother Wes with the caption, "Feel like cutting some firewood?"...to which he replied, "...all my cutting stuff is at dad's. Who cut that down?"
So I tell him my sob story and his next reply is, "I'll be there in 2 hours."

Big brothers are the best. I was certainly thankful for mine yesterday. He brought my favorite nephew with him, and me and my roomie got out there...after three hours later we had managed six, 4ft. bundles of limbs and a bunch of firewood. I was thinking I needed a chainsaw or something like that, I even considered going to Lowes to buy one. But, I totally forgot that I had TWO branch cutters (clippers? I dunno) in the shed, and also learned how to make a noose and bullwhip something or other to tie up the bundles. Ginny and I are quite the pioneers now. I can only imagine how horrific the day would have gone, had it just been me and Ginny out there, trying to tackle landscape clean up.

Here are some of the finished bundles, and my bundle of energy nephew...

And here is the rescue team...

Who wants to come over for a fire? I bought one of those outdoor fire pits for my birthday party so I'm excited to use that as well!

Les Miserables

2012-01-07T11:16:00.000-08:00

http://youtu.be/t-KRbQFtQ0w

I love this movie so much. Its so good. Apparently they are coming out with an onscreen musical version, with a big cast. EXCITED. ABOUT. THAT.

Revelation as of late. The last two guys I've dated, I've gone into the relationship knowing they were not perfect princes, and then after a time, I start resenting them for not being perfect princes. But who am I to judge? I am not perfect myself so how can I expect someone else to be. One of my favorite pieces of advice I just received from my mom in an email.

"I guess my 'wise' advice would be to have an open mind and heart next time. Spend a LOT of time with the guy and make HIM feel special too. Don't take it lightly if someone loves you; that too is a rare gift. ASK God for answers, don't try to read His mind."

I'm realizing that marriage is nothing more than a picture of my relationship with God. Marriage is not my god itself, but I've tried to make it one. My whole purpose for being has to do with God, including any and every relationship in my path. I used to believe that if I ever had a husband who cheated on me, that would be the ultimate worst thing that could ever happen. That would be the end of my world. But now, as horrific and evil as something like that is...it is God who is more mighty and great than anything in this world. I MUST put my hope and trust in Him, for HE is my God....not some guy. Guys make terrible idols. Guys WILL fail me. And probably several more times in my lifetime. But, if my hope is in the One who made me...then nothing can crush me. So then, enough crying about a boy who was "seeing other people" in the first place. Enough.

Moving on. I am a little overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I have to study. I have a HUGE test (and I am the world's worst test taker) coming up at the end of the month. My two weeks off work did NOT allot me the time to study ahead that I originally thought, so now I am desperately behind. Also, I bought a chronological-one-year-Bible which I'm really excited about...but that's one more thing that needs time. I also bought a workbook that walks through the book of Matthew, super excited about that too, yet it also needs time. You might disagree with me, but I think veg time is important too. Yes I could have studied last night after a long week of work...but I chose to watch a movie, because I needed to rest.

I cancelled my gym membership yesterday. I majored in Exercise Science so this might sound like a strange idea, but I have my justifications. First of all, I don't have time for the gym. I like to keep a pretty busy work and social schedule. Gyms are great for stay at home moms who live nearby and need some "me" time. Gyms are not great for people with busy schedules who live 20minutes away. It feels more like an errand, an obligation, rather than enjoyment. I ENJOY running at home. I ENJOY doing physical labor, or playing volleyball with friends. I don't enjoy finding a parking spot, at night time, at the crowded gym, weave in and out of people walking slow, be late for a class, or told what equipment is "reserved" for this or that class that costs EXTRA money. It's just too much. And too expensive. I can pay for my summer vacation with what I was spending on a gym. PLUS I majored in this stuff and it was even my profession for four years. I am perfectly capable of taking myself through an entire workout only using my body weight. No more gym for me.

Okay, time to study.
I love my mom.

Words of Wisdom

2012-01-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

So I just started this book called, "Here's to Hindsight" by Tara Leigh Cobble. My friend Emily is letting me borrow this O-So-Fantastic book. I've barely started it and already I am so in love with it. I completely identify with this author and I am such a sucker for memoirs. She's writes like a conversation and now I feel like we are best friends. (Don't worry Sanderson, I'll finish The Four Loves asap)
Here's a snippet cause I couldn't even wait...

"In my experience, the inherent problem with male-female friendships is this: girls tend to fall for familiarity and guys tend to fall for mystery. As the girl gets to know her guy friend better and learns about his character, he becomes more and more attractive to her; meanwhile, she becomes less mysterious and intriguing to him, and she slowly sinks into the quicksand of Just-Friends land. I know that isn't always the case but it seems to be fairly common." -Tara Leigh Cobble

SO TRUE. As Melanie was playing DJ on the drive home from New Year's Eve, I was reminded of the girl I wish I was. The vision of a strong, empowered, confident and beautiful woman I wish I was shows up in my mind through glimpses...just long enough to get me from one day to the next. The girl I am currently, is just an emotional roller coaster riding between the ups and downs of moving on, and holding on. I miss Jon, I really do. But he made his decision clear, so what else is there? Holding on to someone who doesn't want me would make me a fool...and I would waste a period of my life AS a fool, until another man came along who pretended to love me until he left me...to which I would then be a fool yet again. So it's cyclical you see. Here she is, poet extraordinaire, you guessed it...Shania Twain.

"Any Man Of Mine"

This is what a woman wants...

Any man of mine better be proud of me

Even when I'm ugly he still better love me

And I can be late for a date that's fine

But he better be on time

Any man of mine'll say it fits just right

When last year's dress is just a little too tight

And anything I do or say better be okay

When I have a bad hair day

And if I change my mind

A million times

I wanna hear him say

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line

Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time

I need a man who knows, how the story goes

He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'

Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind

Any man of mine

Well any man of mine better disagree

When I say another woman's lookin' better than me

And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black

He better say, mmmm, I like it like that yeah

And if I changed my mind

A million times

I wanna hear him say

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

2012 Resolutions

2012-01-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

A New Year's Resolution is supposed to be a list of accomplishments you hope to compile for the new year right? Whether internal or external, this list should reflect things you believe would consider 2012 a success in your life. Here goes mine. I'm going to start this blog today, Dec.23rd, 2011, and then I'll post this after January 1st, 2012 once I've had time to think and add to the list. I think it will be so exciting to look at this list in June, when school is out, and see how far I get. I'd love for 2012 to be my year in a cocoon if you will.

1. Clean out garage. Like, can fit a car in there and have Tim the Tool Man Taylor organization skills in that thing.
2. Scrape and repaint the shed in the backyard.
3. New counter tops and mirrors for both bathrooms.
4. Take mom to Charleston, SC for the first time.
5. Pass 4-8 Generalist certification test.
6. Pass High School Science composite certification test.
7. Pass the GRE with a good looking score.
8. Update resume and make copies.
9. Add some sort of entertainment element to the backyard.
10. Add small garden to backyard.
11. Buy DSLR camera.
12. Drive down the entire East coast of the U.S.A.
13. Remove every item from house that should be at good will.
14. Wall paper back of bookshelves.
15. Keep in touch with Guatemala kids.
16. Properly dispose of all paint, lightbulbs, boxes, old carpet, and batteries laying around.
17. Update pictures in the entry way.
18. Read at least 10 books I already own and give them away.
19. See dentist AND orthodontist.
20. Try bangs.
21. Lose 10lbs.
22. Run five 5k's
23. Get out of coaching.
24. Donate hair to Locks of Love.
25. Take a risk.

Twenty-five is enough goals for now. This will be exciting to look at in June.

This is my new roomie Charlie...isn't he precious???!!!!!!!!!!!

Natchitoches

2012-01-01T18:28:00.000-08:00

For the last four years, Alayna, Melanie and I have made some sort of trip for New Year's Eve. Three years ago we got a good deal in Chicago, met Kyle Wheeler and watched fireworks from the pier. Two years ago we stayed with a cousin in Albuquerque, skied for the first time, and played with baby Chase. Last year we opted for a short trip to Austin and had the MOST fun with friends. This year we were crunched for both time and money, weren't sure what to do, so we ended up in Natchitoches, Louisiana.

Originally we had talked about going to New Orleans, however, New Orleans is 4 hours extra hours further east, AND driving those four extra hours would mean and total of EIGHT extra hours in the car. New Year's Eve was last night and I have to work tomorrow so for me, the shorter the better. I had thought about Shreveport but then researched a little further. Natchitoches, pronounced "Nak-a-dish" by locals, was only an hour south of Shreveport...AND it happens to be the filming location of the greatest movie ever, "Steel Magnolias".

My parents live in East Texas. So, Friday afternoon we drove out to their place, rode around their land on the mule and stayed the night. I am really blessed to have such sweet, hospitable parents. The next day we drove to Pittsburgh, Texas to have our picture made with a gigantic Bo Pilgrim breast. Then, on to Natchitoches just in time to get ready for New Year's Eve and meet up with Ginny. The city was beautifully strewn with Christmas lights, we had an awesome Louisiana meal of shrimp and dirty rice at The Landing, and topped the night off with fireworks over the river. It was a beautiful and calm night with some of my favorite friends.

Woke up this morning, had breakfast/lunch at some fantastic place called "Strawns" (I think?) in Shreveport and home in time to rest a little before work tomorrow. Overall another successful NYE. The funny thing is, that NYE has never been a big deal to me. I've never once had a NYE kiss, and most of those nights have ended up just hanging out at some one's house. I feel absolutely no need to take a trip every year, but I do enjoy holding a tradition with besties. That's what its all about.

30 Party

2012-01-01T16:02:00.000-08:00

My birthday was awesome. I mean, truly, ridiculously, a great night. I really only expected about 10 people to show up but I'd say there was at least 20 or 30 people that showed up throughout the evening. I am SUCH a blessed girl. I feel so sorry for everyone in the world that doesn't have friends as wonderful as I do.
A week after a break up I was feeling pretty low, pretty worthless and unwanted. But then, I just felt so much love at my birthday. I looked around the room before I blew out my candles and thought to myself, "How blessed am I? THIS should be the standard, THIS is what it should feel like when someone loves you, they treat you the way everyone in THIS room treats me. THESE are the people that love me".

Pictures to come soon, but I was so busy talking to everyone that I didn't take any myself...which means I have to wait for facebook to produce some. Here's a list of attendants, for no other reason but simply to aid my horrible memory:

GinnyB
Alayna
Mel
Shasta
Rebekah
Micah + Justin
Cameron
JennMac
Jerry
Cody
Paco +2
Teal + Michael
Sommer + Edward
KatieS
Joy
NikiF
KarinB
Jenna
Nikole + Matt
Duncan
JohnS
Jimmy + Holly
KimS
LauraP
AdamB

...that's all I can remember right now. Hope I didn't forget anyone. 30 years old. What an awkward time.

I wear make-up

2011-12-26T09:28:00.000-08:00

A post recently said, "Guys are turned on by what they see, and girls are turned on by what they hear. That's why girls wear make-up, and guys lie".

So true. My heart hurts right now so maybe that should tell you where all of this is stemming from. But, when I think about my own past, I can't help but totally agree with the statement above.

I missed out on dating altogether my Freshman year in college because I held so tightly to a letter and a belief that my high school boyfriend, "still wanted to marry me". I was given a two page list of all the "reasons I was a princess" by my college boyfriend, only to be found "uninteresting" a few months later. I won't bore you with the countless notes, texts, emails, sweet gestures, etc... made by all the in-betweeners ...the guys that didn't quite make it to boyfriend status because they all dropped me, out of the blue, before getting there. And, now my recent endeavor...hearing I was the, "best girl he knows", the "kindest girl he's ever met", "more passion with me than any girl before"...only hours later to stand in my doorway sobbing, watching him leave me. Who does that? Guys have NO IDEA the impact of their words. If I truly am the most beautiful person in the world, then why would you walk away from that? I know if I ever met the most beautiful person in the world I should probably like to stay around them. Call me crazy.

One of the movies I watched over and over in college was, Someone Like You. I tried to find the video clip for you. Fail. So the quote will have to do. I have clung to that quote so many times over the years. Ashley Judd gave such a relate-able character...

Eddie: It's over. Why can't you just let it go? Jane: I can't.
Eddie: Why? Jane: Because I was happy. Because if this theory is wrong, men don't leave all women, Eddie. They leave me. Eddie: I know it hurts. I know. It's so hard to believe that something that wonderful can ever happen to us again, but it can.

I would like to slightly save some face by concluding with the contributing factors, making this a mere case of a - dreary, lack of vitamin D - being around family during the Holidays makes me extra wish I had a husband - turning 30 the day after tomorrow - just got dumped by a guy I thought was in love with me - oh goody back to more "girls nights out" shoot me in the face -BLUES.

Can't wait to get home and completely clean my house. That will help.

Dear Jon

2011-12-22T20:41:00.000-08:00

LIFE was a game I used to enjoy playing when I was a kid. With the simple spin of a wheel you could get married, lose your house, go bankrupt, have a kid, or win the lottery within a half hour. Now that I'm older, I don't have some wheel making fake life decisions for me. I have my grown-up mind to look to.

I've written to you before about Jon, he was "Mr.100%", the haunting "What If?" in my past. I've told you how I froze in fear when I saw him at Frankies last school year. We met a couple of times before my crazy summer gone, no biggie. Since August we have been seeing each other once every 2-3 weeks...and a little more frequent in recent months. He was willing to wipe the slate clean with me to see where this would lead, find out how would things be different this time around. He has the capacity to constantly make me feel special. He's knows exactly what to say, what to do, to make my life easier. He sent me flowers at work on the day of my first basketball game this year, because he knew it would be a long day for me, and remembered my affinity for lilies. He showed me his adventurous side by inviting me to the World Series in St.Louis...and like an idiot I turned him down out of fear. He knows me, and whether I realize at the time or not, he is usually forcing me to grow.

He makes me want to be an honest woman full of integrity, like Quaker kind of honest. He makes me face questions about my character that I've brushed aside for thirty years. His compliments are so constant that my low self-esteem seems to vanish around him. So what's the problem you ask? What in the world would keep THAT from working out? ...It's hard to pinpoint...even to myself.

I've been casually going with the flow this time around with this man. Never turning him down, but waving my cautious, snails-pace flag at the same time. I thought to myself, "If I can keep this extremely slow, then I can really get to know this guy before making any rash decisions that catapult me into another heart breaking episode like the last relationship". So I had a plan. A super slow plan. This should be a sure fire way to keep us from hurting each other. Slow and steady wins the race!

I remember freaking out when he asked me to go away to St.Louis for the weekend for the World Series. A weekend trip was NOT part of the super slow plan, and I was not ready for that level of quality time. So I bowed out. And you know what I remember? I remember asking him why he wasn't scared to jump into something like a weekend getaway together and he said, "No I'm not scared, because Carisse, whether we figure this out now, or later, we figure this out".

So how do you play the game of Life when you are my age? Taking things slow doesn't seem to work for me, throwing caution to the wind doesn't seem to work for me...being the leader, being the follower...nothing seems to fit and I find myself full of regret time and time again, "wishing I'd known then, what I know now".

Two weeks ago today he asked me where do I see "us" going? I didn't have an answer for him, and I held on to my precious pace for dear life. I truly wasn't sure if I could see myself marrying him up until a few days ago. I hadn't spent enough steady time with him. At this point, I feel like slow doesn't win. At this point, I feel like "figuring this out now" sounds a lot less stressful than figuring it out later. I wish I had gone to that World Series.

But we make our choices don't we? We set our expectations and we hold our ground. So when a man says to you that he can't continue this relationship because he is aware that he can't live up to the Spiritual leadership expected of him...what do you say to that? Do you respect his honesty, thank him for his integrity and move on? Do you compromise your dream because you like him so? Do you change your unicorn of an expectation that would be ridiculous to hold out for? Do you find yourself being the only common denominator in every single relationship that's "not right for you"? What's God doing here? What in the world is the plan? Because truthfully...and I'm being a thousand percent honest here...I would RATHER be single than have my heart broken ONE MORE time. I'd rather these guys just stay out of my path altogether rather than sweeping in like a tornado leaving a trail of destruction after only a little while.

I've been listening to old hymns in my car a lot thanks to the Cd's Emily made for me. I'll leave you with some verses that have been so important to me today. I hope you find the encouragement that I did in them.

This is my Father's world.

O let me never forget
that though the wrong seems often so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father's world:
why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!
God reigns; let the earth be glad!

I need thee every hour, in joy or pain;
come quickly and abide, or life is vain

O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer

who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Long Blog

2011-12-05T13:15:00.000-08:00

This blog will be a long one. I've been meaning to catch up for a while now.

Los Angeles #6, Thanksgiving, Anonymity, New Roomie, and Excuses. Here we go.

Meet the newest baby Burge! What a cutie and such a good lil' baby! I realized that this was my SIXTH time to L.A. in the last 6 years...so I guess I'm averaging going about once a year. I enjoy it so much though. I love Hermosa Beach, I love Jane and Toby, and it's always a good time in L.A.

Fun tip in case you wanted to know. I took the below picture twice, once with flash once without. The one without flash looked like a dreary cloudy day, but put the flash on when the sun is setting behind the subject and look at all the pretty colors that come out!

Came back from L.A. for a day, went to Chrissy and Garret's lovely wedding reception, and then off to Winnsboro for Thanksgiving with the family. I had a great time and love getting to see all my little nieces and nephew. They are each such sweet and pretty kiddos and I love all of their little personalities. Good food, and good family, I have much to be thankful for.

I am about to make the comments section on this blog for people with accounts only. Allowing anonymous comments allows randoms to post advertisement type things and I don't like that. Mom you can just email comments, you kind of do that anyway. Sometimes I think about changing the address on this blog and making it a little better...a little more focused...I don't know...just thoughts...

I got a new roomie! Remember when I went to Southeast Asia a couple of summers ago? I went to visit my friend Ginny? Well she's moved back to the states and guess who she's living with? Me! It's nice to have a house of three again.

And last, my thoughts on excuses. I make excuses a lot. The majority of the time, I've noticed my excuses are directly related to protecting my lazy time. Now, lazy time IS important. I truly do feel like I work my ass off during the week when I'm at school. I would go crazy or get sick if I didn't have SOME time where I'm not on my feet making a thousand decisions a day. But, I've noticed this first with my body. My body is not in the condition I would like it to be in. My clothes don't fit the way I would like them to fit. My excuse is that the gym that I am currently donating money to is too far away and I work long hours so when I get off work I just want to go home. What if though? What if I didn't view the gym as this second job that was impossible to incorporate into a day? What if I just detoured on the way home and went in for 30mins? Things would probably change for my body and my negativity. Or maybe its time to stop paying for a gym altogether? I majored in excercise for Pete's sake...I could just as easily come home and make myself go for a run before dinner.

Excuses are not limited to fitness though. I let excuses create a pile of ungraded papers at school, excuses keep me coaching and keep me from moving, excuses keep me from getting my master's degree, excuses keep me from buying that DSLR and starting a photography business. Excuses, excuses, excuses. There ARE times when its best to say no. But I believe I have let excuses find a new level in my life. If I want to be the type of woman that let's her "yes' be yes and no's no", then perhaps I should be a little more careful with commitments I make to both myself and others. When I look back on my life I want to be proud of how I used these short years, and how I spent my time. I want to be content in where I am, not constantly living in the future version of me that I put off until tomorrow.

Sports?

2011-10-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

I've never been a sports enthusiast. As pitiful as this sounds, I kind of associated games on TV when I was a kid, as times that dad was too busy to play catch with me. I also didn't like all the yelling at the TV. I played a little rec softball growing up. I played a little volleyball in high school. But that's the extent. Every other extra curricular I ever had was more artistic...music recitals, dance classes, drama, making videos, even riding horses. I grew up going to Ranger games and viewing them as nothing more than a social medium. My college boyfriend took me to several games and I would feel irritated at the extra innings, sitting there in the heat with sweat dripping down my knees.

However, slowly over time...sports have somehow crept their way into my life. I had several friends on the hockey team in high school...so I would go to hockey games and really enjoyed them. I remember back in 2007, sitting in my alternative teaching class and my teacher going on and on about the Dallas Mavericks. For some reason, when I got home that night I turned the game on...my roommate wasn't home that night and I think that was the first time I sat by myself and watched an entire sports event on TV. And from there, I was hooked on the Mavericks. I love watching basketball, but especially the home team.

Then there is now. Maybe its because the Rangers have never in my lifetime been this good...maybe its because God has consistently put not only Ranger fans, but Ranger crazy nut fans in my life...that maybe it just finally stuck this year? But I find myself watching the games on TV, even alone, hoping for the best for "our" guys. I'm still not someone that yells about this sort of thing, or pretends to know even basic statistics. But something does feel pretty exciting when they win. Not to mention my small crush on Nelson Cruz. He's probably a cliche player to favor but I'm okay with that. I mean just look at him. Combine that with his powerful home runs that save the day, and the fact that he is strong enough to even knock a ball that far. It's pretty great.

Anyways, life is still super busy right now. I need this to be my last year of coaching. I have no idea what the Lord has in store for me come June. I can't tell if this is a situation where I need to suck it up and feel lucky to have a job...or if its time to say enough is enough and pull myself out of this situation. Only time will tell. I suppose if the outlook is that coaching is my only option for staying at my school, then I should send my resume out to L.A., Austin, and surrounding Corinth areas and go from there. I've always felt like there are two choices when life hands me lemons...I can either stop bitching about it and learn to cope, or I can do something about it. What I CAN'T do, is wallow and continue to complain. That is a lose/lose situation. So for now, praying. Go Rangers.

So tired...

2011-10-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

I went to bed at 9:30pm last night. I think I slept in one position until my alarm went off.
2 weeks ago had a lovely weekend celebrating Alayna's big 3-0. Last weekend I had a restful weekend in the country at the parents. This weekend: Vic's baby shower tonight, a ticket to Mute Math tomorrow night...but after that, no plans as of noon on Sunday(glorious)...and Monday off....the only reason to be thankful for Columbus.

While I enjoy a steady schedule, I don't like being this busy. I don't like when my life is filled to the brim with obligations and only sprinkled with fun. The price I pay for 3 months off I guess...just feel like life slips past me when its this busy though. Like I've got my finger on the fast forward button. I wish we didn't need money, and we could all just spend our time on earth doing only the things we love. Perhaps I'd be whining about something else if that were the case. Either way, 10:30pm on Friday night and I find myself ready for bed.

Goodnight moon.

.

2011-09-18T12:54:00.001-07:00

I wonder if I'll ever get to be in love again. Seems so impossible.

Been thinkin' a lot today.

2011-09-03T06:37:00.000-07:00

So I think I owe an apology to Andrea. I'm sorry I sort of snapped at you with my comments, and now I think you're right. I am totally capable of diagnosing other people's problems from a mile a way, while constantly being blinded to my own. What I'm trying to say is, sometimes it hurts a little less to hear the truth from someone you're close to, than someone you don't know as well.

I had lunch last weekend with good ole' Jeremy D., J.Paul, Jer Bear, whatever you'd like to call him. This is an old picture of us...we don't really have that many pictures come to think of it? I can always tell how old pictures are by what was going on with my hair. Haha. I've known Jeremy since I was a baby, and ever since about high school, his friendship has been more valuable to me than I realized.

We had a long talk about what's going on in our lives. I talked about feeling lonely, wanting to move, change jobs, sell the house, questions about God, etc... And so here it is, when Andrea said, "Stop searching for a man and be happy with yourself", I bowed up because it hurt my feelings, kind of made me feel like she saw something wrong with me. I went into defense mode and thought, "Of course I'm happy with myself? Why wouldn't I be? I'M not the problem, its all the men in the world. THEY are the problem!"

And then at lunch last weekend, you know what Jer says to me? Something along the lines of, "It sounds like you're not happy with yourself. As long as I've known you, you've always been looking for the next newest thing, you've never just been happy with who you are. You're going to move some place, and be the same unhappy person, but without friends around." For some reason, it didn't really hurt when he said it, but rather just made sense. I guess that's because he knows me so well and had all sorts of examples to display.

It's true though. I plague myself with grass is greener syndrome. Sometimes this mentality has led me into some pretty cool adventures...but it's also left me with miles and miles of discontent. You can see the evidence in my life...I'm discontent so a new career will make me feel better, or maybe a house instead of an apartment, or maybe a different boyfriend, what if I traveled to this place, or moved to that place, THEN, then I could find contentment. But Jeremy is right. I'll spend my whole life chasing that dangling carrot if I don't fix the internal issue.

Then there is church. For the last month, my preacher has been telling me how I am NOT the point of the universe, and if I make the whole world about me I can never feel free. The world is not centered around me, God does as He pleases and we each get to play a role. So how do I reconcile these two truths? Because I feel like something is broken in me and I don't know how to fix it. And at the same time, I don't want to put so much focus on myself. Maybe the fact that I HAVE put so much focus on myself is the very reason I feel like some thing's wrong? I don't know what the practical steps are here. I was hoping there would be some sort of kit, or book, or pill I could buy. Those don't exist though. So for now, I'll pray they be revealed to me, so that I can fully understand His secret to being content in all things.

Balloons

2011-08-25T19:37:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I got to see the Highland Village Hot Air Balloon Festival from a jet ski on Lake Lewisville! It was so cool. I only regret that I didn't get out there Saturday night and take pictures of the "Balloon Glow" where they light up all of the balloons at night. I bet that was pretty, and I could have used my good camera. But, I actually got some pretty good pictures with my little water-proof Olympus. Not bad at all!

This is Duncan, owner of the jet ski, my coworker, and neighbor. Don't worry, not any kind of love interest, but a really good friend to me. It's great to have a friend live nearby, so when we're both bored we can ride bikes, or jet skis, or grill something. He was also really great a couple days after I broke up with Nick. I was really sad and had been moping and crying and really needed to get out of the house. Duncan took me out on the jet ski and we just rode around for a few hours. Didn't even talk or say anything...which was great because I didn't want to talk about it. I guess he just knew I needed to be outside and breathe for a little while. I'll never forget that. Good friend.

Here are some balloon pictures. I really needed my own helicopter because I couldn't get the light how I wanted. But, there are a few good ones in here!

Sometimes the balloons would dip down into the water. What a crowd pleaser!!!

This all happened at about 7am on Saturday morning. So the light was really great.

Sorry it was Friday night...

2011-08-13T10:56:00.000-07:00

I'd like to somewhat apologize for my outburst last night. Not that I take it back, because those are my true feelings, and at times I get overwhelmed and need an outlet. But because I realized today how whiny and spoiled I am. The Lord just gave me an incredible summer, full of adventure and life and fun, and He gave me the means to experience those things, He kept me safe in my multiple life-threatening situations, gave me beautiful and cozy place to come home to...and all I can do is complain about what I DON'T have.

As I was cleaning my wonderful house this morning, I had some thoughts. Maybe God is protecting me because He knows how quickly I attach myself to men? I've had the dream of getting out of Dallas for so long, and now we are steadily creeping upon June 2012 when I pray I get to see that reality. SO where would a man in Dallas fit into that dream? Is he going to come with me? Is he going to break my heart before I go? Would I compromise my long awaited dream and stay here, if I met him?

And so, I remember my goals and dreams. I find joy in that, so many have already come true. I find joy in that, while I couldn't make Nick happy, someone else can and is...and his happiness is important to me.

Oh and just so you know Mandy...as super awkward and interview-esque as blind dates are, I'm open to them...but no one younger than 27. Any thing younger seems cougar/cradle robber status as I'm a femal turning 30 in a few months. Profile? I suppose this blog/facebook says it all. I like traveling, live music, and teaching. In that order. I just want someone with similar interests who would pray with me. That can't be too much to ask is it?

P.S. Thank you God for the rain and keeping my mother's house from burning down.

14.5 months

2011-08-12T19:39:00.000-07:00

One of the many reasons I loved Nick: He loved me back, just the way I was.

Seriously over a whole year, been around the world, and not a single date? Is there a third arm growing out of the back of my neck that you all haven't told me about? Are my social skills completely inept? Does this have anything to do with my college GPA? Am I'm too tall? Too loud? Travel TOO much? Have too much of my finances in order? Perhaps if I try to be extremely needy and psycho? Yes those girls get men, so yep, that should work.

Frustrated & Aging,

<3 me.

The Great Hitchhiking Race 6!!!!

2011-08-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

So, I guess I wasn't totally done traveling for the summer after all. I was sort of peer-pressured into going on The Great Hitchhiking Race 6!!!!!! ...and so glad I was.

I've thought about going on this race for about 4 years now. My friend Aaron is the biggest hitchhiker I know. He's used this means of travel since he was 17...and 6 years ago, he came up with the idea of creating a race to North Carolina with this travel style. The race usually takes place during the week of Memorial Day, which is finals week for me, and has never allowed me the chance to go...until now!

This year, Aaron had jaw surgery and postponed the dates of the race. I was still skeptical about the possibility of entering this race. First of all...yes, I have also watched the same "America's Most Wanted" hitchhiker stories that you have...so I'm not going to pretend like I was completely free of fear.

Second, I was supposed to have volleyball last week. And, third, I've been running at a 90mph pace all summer and I am TIRED. This was my last week of open freedom before my school calendar began to rear its ugly head...and strange as it sounds, I thoroughly enjoy completing to-do-lists...especially one's I have put off ALL summer already for the sake of adventure.

So my plan was to drive to Van, TX Sunday night to hang out with Aaron and Darby. I was going to get to meet lots of people, eat yummy food, and have some gym fun with dodge ball etc... When I left my house, I was 80% sure I was NOT going on this race, but would just have a night of fun and return the next morning. Perhaps I was actually less than 80% sure...because I definitely threw my backpack and a few things in my car just in case ;)

Obviously I was overpowered by my wanderlust and said "YES" to the trip...

I am well aware of how absurd this trip sounds. And, have been made even more aware since my return. But if it is any comfort to you...here is a picture of just how many "crazies" of us there were...24 I think? In the picture, I am 5th from the left.

Every team has two guys and one girl. They also try to put at least one veteran racer per team (several people have completed this race multiple times). And what did God provide for me on my team? Cody Carver and a guy named Kyle. Cody and I grew up together...so it was easily comforting to travel with my church-buddy from childhood who had already been on this race a few times before. So that was peace #1 on this trip that lead me to feel like I should go.

I guess hitchhiking sounds exciting to some and dangerous to others. Either way, the concept has sold gillions for Jack Kerouac. However, the less glamorous side to this endeavor that you don't see, is the long sweaty wait in the southern sun, the nowhere to sit because there are ants everywhere, the lack of time for snacks because it seems impolite to be chowing down while begging for a ride, and after a while...it gets old holding a sign and smiling.

The next picture was our first hitch. Leo and his amigo on their way to work in Longview, TX. Can I just say that 3/4 of our first day hitches barely spoke English? I am amazed at the kindness of a people who would pull over to help someone they can hardly communicate with, for nothing in return. It's also becoming more and more pertinent that I find fluency in Spanish.

Our next hitch was extremely generous. With a dad and 4 kids, they maneuvered things in both the front and back of their vehicle to accommodate us, for about the next EIGHT HOURS driving us from Longview, TX all the way to the other side of Birmingham, AL. He and his daughter opted out of the picture. Ok by us, but look at these other cuties!

The little guy in purple on the right is 6yrs old. When I first got in the truck and closed the door, I got settled in and looked to my left. There he was, wearing his little Luchador mask! Haha. He didn't talk for a couple of hours and I was beginning to wonder just what was under there! I think he was just shy though...because eventually he carried long conversations with me about his pit bulls and babysitter, eventually removed the mask, and eventually made himself at home falling asleep in my lap. Such a cutie!

In Alabama, we were eventually picked up by Miguel. It was late and he had already had a long day at work roofing, but decided to help us out anyway and took us all the way to the north side of Atlanta. Again I practiced a little of my terribly broken Espanol.

It's nearly impossible to hitchhike at night but we we were racing and had a destination! So Kyle meets Kenney at a gas station, and leery of hitchhikers, drives us anyway to Commerce, South Carolina. Kenney was nice, but he kind of killed the race for us. I found out the key to winning this thing, is convincing your last hitch. "Hey why don't you skip work this week and come camping with us?? There's food and waterfalls and 24 other people it'll be a blast!!". Needless to say, the top two winners this year included a driver named Will, a 20yr. old kid who ended up camping all week. And in second place, a driver named Paige, an adventurous girl who ended up staying only one night.

Below, is a picture of our destination. I am pictured on the left sliding down Turtle Back Falls at Gorges State Park in North Carolina! Superfun!

Here is our group photo in front of Turtle Back Falls. (I'm in the middle)

Ladies on the log, and guys sliding down Turtle Back in the background! I had such a workout for those three days of camping. It's hard to explain exactly where the day goes...but by the time you hike to the top of some water fall and everyone slides down, then its about time for dinner. Or by the time you all jump off the cliff and then rock hop all the way down to Seven Falls, the sun is setting. Then its time for everyone to reconvene around the campfire for a fantastic dinner of hamburgers, hot dogs, kabobs, or even steaks if its date night! (Date night simply means on the last night everyone actually shampoos their hair and puts on more clothes than a swimsuit...)

I didn't get to jump off the bridge on the last day because Darby and I were in the hospital waiting room (Pictured Below). I'm sure I would have been terrified, but I also wanted to do it just for the experience. However, remember the driver Will? He cut his toe open and had to go to the Emergency Room. So Darby and I went to wait with him. Which actually worked out okay because we got to shampoo our hair in the clean sink with clean water!!! Score!

The next morning it was time to pack up and head back to Texas after an exhausting, yet fun-packed week. Below, was our third hitch of the day. He reminded me a lot of my brother Wes for some reason...I guess they had the same mannerisms.

Our 6th hitch on the way home was Shane. Talk about hilarious! I would pay money to listen to this guy talk he was so funny.

God provided everything I could need on this trip. And our last hitch was probably the moment I felt nearest to Him. Six hitches is a LOT to have an still be in Alabama. Everyone was only taking us 30miles at a time and I was beginning to worry that night would come and we would have to camp on the side of the road somewhere. I'm sure it would have been fine, but the side of the road is not the same as camping grounds...so you never know if you are on private property, or if there will be cattle or dogs or what not about. I prayed all the way through this trip, but I was especially earnest after our 6th hitch and it already being about 2 or 3pm. So I let the guys walk ahead a bit, and I whispered something like, "God...you have been so gracious in providing everything already on this trip...I'm nervous about it getting dark...could you PLEASE provide someone nice who is going all the way to Texas??".

So our 6th hitch, Shane, pulled over after an exit in Alabama. We got our packs out of his truck, and I began to pray. We crossed the intersection and began walking up the on-ramp. There was a man already pulled over on the side of the road checking something on his truck. It's Greg...an incredibly nice man who happens to be on his way to a job in Texas, and he doesn't mind if we come along....

I have nowhere to credit that but to God. I stopped believing in coincidence a long time ago.

The icing on the cake is that Greg has a sweet dog named Patches. I happen to LOVE dogs so this worked out real well and I pet Patches for the next 12hrs all the way to Van, TX.

When we were saying our goodbyes to Greg at 2am in a Loves parking lot in Van, TX...I told him how he was an answer to my prayer. That I had been praying and he is what God brought to us. Little did I know, that Cody Carver had been praying the same prayer. I guess where two or more gather in His name...

We then found out the under normal circumstances Greg would have parked his camper for the night at a normal bedtime. But he decided to keep driving, all the way to Van, TX at 2 in the morning (like 5hrs longer)....out of the kind generosity in his heart...the generosity that I firmly believe God placed there.

***********************************************

Here's the thing. I'm not saying that hitchhiking is the safest mode of travel and I'm making a habit of it or anything...I'm just saying, as much as the media thrives on murderous hitchhiker stories...well here is the other side to that coin. There are ALSO some very sweet, loving people out there who just want to help someone out. Sometimes they "know what its like to hitchhike", sometimes they "have kids our age and they would want someone nice to pick them up", sometimes they decide we "look harmless and are curious about the race"...whatever the deep-seeded reasoning...I believe God leads people by His Spirit.

Now, I'll address the portion of your brain that is ready to admit me to the loony bin, and is convinced I'm going through some sort of 29yr. old crisis. I don't want to talk as much about what is "crazy?" as I do about what is considered the "norm?". I've been thinking about this a lot, and I bet if you separate yourself from some other "norms"...they could seem crazy as well. I don't mean to step on any one's toes here, so just hear me out.

Like take war for example. Again, I mean absolutely no disrespect here, I am extremely grateful for the freedoms I have in this country, and I love enjoying them. But think about it...hitchhiking sounds crazy because you have heard murderous stories, you don't trust strangers, and you could be killed. Right?? And if you sign up for war, you are willingly deciding to jump out of a plane, into hostile territory, with little more than vest and helmet, while risking your life being shot at, for a war you don't know the exact details about...and sometimes this is all done for the price of getting your college paid for? This can sound crazy, yet it is the norm, so it's seemingly less scary, and actually sort of noble.

Or what about texting and driving? You've heard death stories about that. Yet you continue to hurl your body down a highway at 70mph in really heavy machinery, near other heavy vehicles going just as fast or faster, while typing AND reading with your eyes off the road and onto a tiny screen in your hand because your patience won't make it to the next redlight to check your phone. Sounds like a death wish to me, but it is the norm.

I once paid like $200 to go skydiving...and I know for a fact people pay at least that much ALL around the world DAILY to willingly jump out of a plane, attached to a complete stranger, with sole trust in a parachute, all in the name of adventure. But this is the norm.

Or missionaries for example? People move to unwelcoming countries all the time in order to talk about God with complete strangers. If death occurs from this, they are praised as martyrs? I got to talk about God with several people on my trip last week, but if I had died, I would be considered crazy for going in the first place.

These are all just my thoughts people. Nothing more. I'm not asking you to agree with me or rebuke me...just ask questions if you've taken the time to read this far. Just ideas flowing through my head during the many hours I had sitting in cars and trucks last week. I wonder how things would be different if hitchhiking WAS a norm. What if it was just "normal" for everyone to help each other out whenever they saw need?

Also, I'd just like to take a moment to apologize to my mother who I sort of lied to when I told her I was going camping in North Carolina for the week, and she said, "Oh, are y'all driving??"...to which I replied, "Yeah...some one's driving us."

I put my mom through a lot and she loves me anyway. Thanks for the wonderful weekend mother.

LOVE YOU MOST!!!!

Lucky Puck

2011-07-22T22:12:00.000-07:00

I can't even describe why I love this little man so much. He's not even mine. But, I totally cried when he got in the car to leave today. I hate seeing him in crates/cages. I don't want anything to ever hurt him or make him uncomfortable. It makes me so happy when he jumps in my lap and just wants to fall asleep. Mom calls him, "Lucky Puck"...and I loved it so much that I called him that all week too. I even got sad on the way home tonight when I knew he wouldn't be there. At least I get to see him next weekend! And, at least I know he has the best mom in the world!!!

Hawaii and Done!

2011-07-20T15:07:00.000-07:00

Aaaand DONE with summer travels. I've only been home a few days, but I am really enjoying relaxing and working on my to do list. There are lots of things that are difficult for me to get done during the school year that I finally have time to do for these next two weeks before doing back to work! Such as: paint the garage door, the landscaper (super Nathan Vernon) is here today, putting together care packages and mailing them, going to the dentist, working out, and being OUTSIDE! I don't care that it's sweaty hot, I just love the sunshine.

This time last year, I had 5 places on my list to consider moving to. Nashville, Denver, Hawaii, L.A., and Austin. I went to Nashville in November, and though I loved it, it just didn't feel right. When we had a full week of snow days in Texas this year, I realized I would probably only love Denver in the summer. So, this summer, while going to Hawaii was a fantastic vacation, I was also kind of scoping it out. I've read a lot about the challenging drop out rates of kids there and how they need good teachers, so I was considering it. And though Hawaii had PERFECT temperatures...I think I might actually miss weather change. More importantly though, even being there only 12 days, I felt a little bit of island entrapment. Just the idea that the fastest I could get to my family or friends would be an expensive 8hr flight, that I didn't even have the OPTION of road trips outside of the island....well I guess it just wasn't for me past visiting.

I sure did love Hawaii though. Talk about gorgeous beaches, perfect temps, fantastic hiking, and yummy food! I was really fortunate to have my friend Randy for a travel buddy. In the case of most of my friends, they either have the time off, but not the money for a big trip, or they have the money and not the time off...and a lot of them have neither the money nor the time off. As I get older and I'm surrounded by friends married with babies, my adventure partner pool is dwindling...so I was really thankful for Randy.

I saw "Soul Surfer" with my roomie Ginny, in my pajamas in Corinth, at like 10pm the night it came out a few months ago. Some may call this film "Cheesy"...but I love the story. A girl who's faith gets her back on her surf board and competing after a shark attack. Impressive. You can imagine my excitement our first night in Waikiki when just a few blocks from our hostel, not only were they showing "Soul Surfer" at night on the beach...but they actually had Bethany Hamilton and the actress that played her, AnnaSophia Robb, introduce the movie! Right there in front of me! It was awesome.

The next day we took a bus to do the Lighthouse hike. It was so pretty. I'll run out of adjectives for the views I experienced by the end of this blog. I guess there are a lot of old bunkers from all of the Military on Oahu. After we got to the Lighthouse, we just kept climbing to a nearby bunker, and this is the view from there.

This is me and Randy on our sunset booze cruise. Happy 4th of July!!! The awesome part about this was the fireworks. This was probably the coolest way I have ever watched fireworks. Because we were out on the water, we could see the fireworks reflect off the metallic buildings on the beach, so it was extra sparkly. Another thing we didn't realize, is that we would be able to see the flashes from everyones cameras on the beach, in their condos and hotels. It was SO pretty and Jack Johnson playing on the boat with fried chicken and fruity drinks. Happy 4th of July to me!

Kaillua was my favorite place to visit. We got to Kayak and the water was perfect. I regret not getting to try paddle boarding...but that just means I'll have to find another opportunity to try!! I had my first Hawaiian "Shave Ice" after this. I don't know why they take the "d" off Shaved Ice, but they do. I think what makes a Hawaiian snow cone different than a Texas one, is that they put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the bottom. Genius. I liked it way better!

If there is one place I can recommend eating on Oahu. It is definitely the "Grass Skirt Grill" in Haleiwa. I had pulled pork, brown rice, fresh salad with papaya seed dressing, and a sweet piece of pineapple for dessert. YUM. So good. I think I found a recipe on line so I can try to replicate this!

There are 3 peaks on the Olomana Hiking Trail. This picture is about 15ft. below the top of the first peak, and I regret not making it past this. But I am ever so slowly enhancing my tolerance for heights. They just scare me. I'm not sure of my feet and I feel like if I fall it's completely my fault. If I'm in the water and attacked by a shark...that's out of my control kinda. But if I fall off a cliff its because I was not strong enough or held enough balance to complete my mission. This rope was the only way up, and you had to kind of go over this ledge to get there. It completely dropped down on the other side and I was scared. I told randy to go on to the other 2 peaks since they weren't that far. I had my book and snacks so I was fine to enjoy the rest. I actually attempted the rope 3 times thinking I might at least get to the top of the first peak, but in the end, I chickened out.

After 4 nights in Oahu we went to the Big Island, Hawaii. Our two major reasons for going to the big island were seeing flowing lava from the volcano, and Mauna Kea is supposed to be some of the the most magnificent star gazing in the world. Turns out the lava stopped flowing 4 months ago and it was cloudy the night of star gazing...so as it stands, the best stars I've seen were from Kansas. Mauna Kea was really pretty though. We were high enough to be above at least SOME clouds at sunset so that was cool. A little tip if anyone reading this ever goes though...they will make you PARANOID about Saddleback road, like its so torn up that only one rental car company in the whole town will allow you to rent a 4 wheel drive that takes you there. NOT TRUE. Maybe if you're going all the way to the top you want a 4 wheel drive...but if you just want to stargaze at the visitors center...you could easily take your chevy cobalt at $30/day there. We were fooled.

Hilo was a really cool little laid back town. We rented a car and decided to spend a day driving to Kona. So we went to the Volcano National Park and saw dried lava, then up through the north, then east to Kona, stopping wherever we wanted and listening to Sarah Silverman along the way. I liked Hilo way better than Kona. We spent one night in Kona and then drove along the southern coast back to Hilo. We stopped at a few black sandy beaches, and this one in particular had turtles!

We were spent four nights on Oahu, 4 nights on the Big Island and then we were supposed to spend the last 4 nights in Kauai. However, we had spent SO much time the first 8 nights researching where to go, what to do, how to get there, where to stay, where to eat etc...that we decided to just go back to Oahu where there was some familiarity we could enjoy. This also probably saved us a few hundred dollars on plane tickets and more car rentals. So, if I ever get to go to Hawaii again...THEN I'll hope to see Kauai and Maui.

When we got back, we found the Lanikai Bunker hike! This was my favorite of ALL the hikes we did. It was only an hour from start to finish, beautiful views, high but not too scary. Favorite. Here's a picture of me going back to the first bunker.

This is the Byodo temple. It's Buddhist, and was built in the 1960's to celebrate Japanese immigrants being in Hawaii for 100 years. It was a pretty building and location. But kind of overrated. It's just a building in a cemetery with a lot of mosquitoes.

My roommate Ginny, got me hooked on a show called "Deadliest Catch". I can't really explain why I love it so much. Probably because it's manly men and reality tv combined with adventure? I don't know but I'm obsessed with it. The show also has a sister show called, "After the Catch" that they film in Hawaii when the season is over and they sit down with all the captains and characters. They film this show at a restaurant called, "The Shack" and guess who went? This girl! That's the picture of the late Captain Phil they have hanging in the restaurant.

Guatemala

2011-06-30T19:45:00.000-07:00

Without getting to deep and detailed, I want to get a few things jotted down about the Guatemala trip. I'd love to express all that I experienced during those 10 days, but I am pressed for time between trips and training this week. So here is a snapshot, and I hold hopes to revisit this trip later in blog to sort out my feelings. So to be brief...

We stayed at an orphanage in San Jose Pinula, Guatemala City, called "Fundaninos". Most of our time was spent here and I loved it. I hope that I can keep communication with fundaninos via support and letters, if not direct visitation.

This is Matteo. He jumped in my arms on the first night there and I pretty much didn't let him go after that. He and Chino were definitely my favorites. One night he fell asleep holding my finger while Rebekah sang the Pre-K's to sleep, which only completely confirmed my absolute desire to adopt someday. Now, this is only possible with an Esposo, so...should I ever be gifted with one of those, adoption would have to be sure to follow.

Meet Chino. That's not even his real name, they just call him that because he looks Asian and Chino is Spanish for "Chinese". ALL the kids have nicknames. Including one kid who somehow got stuck with "Chupete"...meaning "Pacifier".

We held an official 3 day teacher training for teachers in the city and about 70 Guatemalan teachers came. We also had two unofficial trainings with the teachers at Fundaninos. This was huge for me. I LOVE teaching teachers and I hope there is a future in that for me. This experience totally recharged my love for teaching. I love my job so much.

Nathan and Rebekah are the American couple living and working at Fundaninos right now. I love them so much and Rebekah is my new best friend. More on their awesome love for the Lord and each other later.

There were six of us single girls on the trip that shared a room for the week and got really close. I am so thankful for them, I was so challenged by each of them and hope their friendships will continue.

Maribell. It's tough to get closer to the older kids when you don't speak the language. That's a commitment I would like to make before I return to another Spanish speaking country. Especially this one. We got by with translators and charades, but I really longed to have conversations with those kiddos. Maribell didn't seem to care though. She took me in right away, painted my nails, fixed my hair, etc...

I'm fully convinced this trip was God's idea and not mine. I've been slightly reluctant through the entire process and felt almost robotic about it. I got super sick in Mexico and almost didn't even go. But God had a bigger plan. He knew what I needed to see and do and be around. He needed to divert my attention from my growing attachment to my comfort, my things, boys, narcissism, and lack of faith. I'm grateful to Him for knowing what I need and sending it to me. It's time to reevaluate my life choices and simplify, conforming to God's ideas pleasures rather than my own.

3 Weddings in 2 Weeks

2011-06-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

'Tis the season for weddings. Especially 3 of my friends, and I am anticipating another batch next summer. Each of these adventure weddings were fun in their own way...and they were each definitely fitting to their respective brides.

VICTORIA & LEWIS

We begin with Victoria. I love her! We traveled Asia together a couple of summers ago and she's one of my favorite friends at school. She is probably the most decisive person I have ever met. She picks out what she wants on a menu in 3 seconds, she picked out the house she bought in one day...and so it was no surprise that she would have a Vegas wedding!

My partner in crime on this particular trip was Teal. She's so fun, and we both wanted to keep the cost as low as normal, so what did we do? We found a flight for $280 that would allow us 15 hours in Las Vegas without needing to pay for an overnight in a hotel! I spent $40 on lunch, gambling, and cabs, won $20 at O'Sheas...and so the trip totalled to a whopping $300 for a super fun memorial day weekend.

Victoria had the cutest dress, she looked like a princess! She got married at the Bellagio, and I think the Bellagio is my favorite place in Vegas. I love the fountains and I'm sure that has everything to do with how much I love Ocean's 11. We had a lovely reception at a little Italian place, with a fun rowdy crowd table, and an open bar that allowed us to try every martini on the menu :)

MICAH & JUSTIN
Next up we have Mikey. I've been friends with Micah since probably around 8th grade when I really started getting to know friends from Midtown and Saginaw at Iron Springs. She is one of my best girlfriends in the whole world and I was really honored to be in her wedding. Shasta was my travel buddy on this one...even though it was only in Saginaw...it was still a bit of a daily drive that gave the two of us time to catch up since we are normally passing ships in the night.

I LOVED Micah's outdoor wedding. It looked like something from a magazine with all of her details. We spent a few days getting all of the crafts finished and I think it all really came together well. Isn't her dress cute? She has POCKETS! What a genius idea! I love pockets...on anything.

KATIE & KRIS

Finally we have my teacher friend Katie who introduced me to my first beach wedding...in MEXICO! Niki was mostly my travel friend on this one, but we spent a lot of time with Melissa and Victoria too and had so much fun! I had never been to an all inclusive resort before...those of you that have read any of my past travels know that's not how I roll....so while Cancun was BEAUTIFUL, with super friendly people, and anything I want at my fingertips...I would be totally okay with having that trip be one time only. There is something weird about me that actually enjoys the memories of sleeping in hostels and cars and couch surfing.

As you can see Katie was gorgeous. Her wedding was beautiful and we had a blast. Niki and I also got to zip line! That was my first time! I was shaking a lot I had so much adrenaline flowing. We even got to watch the MAVERICKS WIN at the swing bar in Cancun. Swing as in, there are swings you can sit in all over the place. There were a lot of people from Dallas there, which shouldn't surprise me since its only a 2 hour flight away, and we all got to celebrate together!

CARISSE & ...

It's hard to describe the feelings running through my head over the last two weeks. I am SO happy for my friends. The men they found are the kind of men I prayed for them. I know they will be treated well and I look forward to watching them grow. While I am truly happy for them, there is this thick cloud of envy lingering as well...without any sort of negative lining to it.....but envy nonetheless. It's like this...I think of it like a race, and each girl in the world is given a huge pile of hay, and somewhere in that hay there is supposedly a needle with my name on it that will be just right for me. So I kind of feel like most of my friends have found their needles and left the barn to eat lunch...while I'm still sifting through tons of hay, sweaty, tired, and ready to give up. Does that analogy make sense?

Anyways...here is a little man that does make me very happy right now. He's probably the cutest fellow in town. He's getting bigger, and his eyes are "cracked", but he's the most lovable thing ever and I love him so much. We were pretty lucky he was sent this way :)

Eminem

2011-05-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

It's funny how most of the time, I can't even remember where I left my glasses...yet, I can also remember the most random details. I remember exactly what I was wearing during my first kiss, exactly what the "rainbow room" looked like at the daycare I went to in Denton...and I remember the very first time I heard Eminem on the radio, when I was in my '93 Mitsubishi, driving to media tech class in high school. Isn't that weird?

I always kind of liked Eminem, but I wasn't really into rap/hip-hop enough to buy his cd's or anything. Fast forward to 2010 when I'm killing time in the airport waiting for my flight to Nashivlle to see Dave. I scanned the magazines, saw controversial Eminem on the cover of Spin, and read the interview on the flight. He is so fascinating! When I got home from Nashville I bought his latest album, "Recovery". I loved it. Then on a whim with amazon last week, I bought his autobiography and read it in one day.

I can't get enough of the underdog story. People who are able to rise above their situation...it's my favorite story there is. Not because I can relate...because my childhood had it pretty good...but I guess because it's always inspirational to want to push yourself farther than you are...no matter what level you're at. The odds of me ever getting to actually meet Marshall Mathers are pretty slim to none. So I'll just tell you, my little blog, my thoughts about him.

First of all, I've decided to start praying for him whenever I think about him. Sometimes, we forget that celebrities are actual humans just like us...and I think he could use some prayers just like I can. He seems to have had a really rough life, and it seems like he's had very little love in it. But, even though his story is harsh...it's still his story. It's sad that he had to grow up in the conditions he did...but look where he is because of it. It's sad that things didn't work out with his wife...but look at the daughter he got because of it. It's sad that he got caught up in drugs...but look how strong he is after it. His story is an interesting one, and there aren't too many out there like it.

I pray he gets to feel God's love. I pray against whatever little black raincloud that follows him. I pray protection for him, with the kind of fame he lives with. It sounds like he's doing his best as a father and I pray he continues to grow with that responsibility, as well as his influence on the rest of the world. I thank God for the story He's creating in him...that's probably inspired countless kids. I think it's amazing...the ability God has given him to rhyme words, to speak so fast, to connect beats together. It's incredible to me, how God has wired some people with that kind of talent. I pray he recognizes those talents as gifts, and that he uses them to the glory of God.

I think it's safe to say that I'm now a fan of rap. I've always liked a song here and there by various artists...but this biography opened me up to a whole world of more biographies, more albums, and more stories out there. Thank you Marshall.

Marley

2011-04-24T20:10:00.000-07:00

So I got to meet little "Lucky" this weekend. Thought long and hard about bringing him home with me, but in the end, decided he would be a better baby for my mother right now. After being in a dog mood, I watched "Marley and Me" tonight. If you've never seen this movie, you should. It's so good for so many reasons. The story has so many levels to it. Yes it's about a puppy...but more importantly it's about an era in the life cycle of this couple, and how the dog grows along with them. The movie is really about family...and Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson have such chemistry together...it can be hard to remember that it's just a movie and not want for that.

I'm so curious how the story of my life will turn out. I'm so curious to know if there is someone I could have chemistry with, that I could go through the growth of getting a puppy with, moving with, buying a house with, starting a career with, raising kids with. Just wonder what pleasures on this earth are in store for me. Perhaps they are nothing like the aforementioned list. Perhaps they are. Either way, that movie really makes me want to embrace growing up. Makes me want to get the last of these dreams of my youth out of my system so I can plant new ones. Happy Easter to you!

"Lucky" or "Babe"

2011-04-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

I can't wait to go to my parents this weekend. And hang out with this little guy my mom found in the woods.

I'm so excited for the day I get a dog. I think after I get moved and settled....and a job with normal hours...within a normal distance from my living space...I'll be ready for a pup of my own. She'll be the best dog ever I just know it!

And now for the latest Hyperboleandahalf .....HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAHAAAAAA!!!
Click on link.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/04/wild-animal-simple-dog-goes-for-joy.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Hyperbole-and-a-half+%28Hyperbole-And-A-Half%29

Growth

2011-04-18T15:46:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how you can go through life, and you think you are growing. Maybe you conquer a fear here, or survive a rough time there? Maybe you accomplish something really big, or take a giant step? And then...when you least expect it...something will come along and remind that you're no further from where you started. Some little instance happens...and suddenly you are sent back inside the body of the person you used to be--that you didn't like, that you've worked relentlessly to change and forget.

I put a lot of blame on my circumstances. I tend to think, "If I could only ______, then I would _____". Insert whatever you want here. If I could only move away, then I would find myself. If I could only get out of coaching, then I would become a really great teacher. If I could only live on my own, then I would know how to make my own choices. If I could only get through one more year, then the world will be my oyster.

I tire of waiting. I tire of blaming. I could use a little guidance, Lord. I feel lost in a big pile of questions, and I could use some answers if You're listening.

TOYS!!!

2011-04-17T08:19:00.000-07:00

Get ready, I'm about to sound materialistic and frivolous. Which I am to some degree, but I don't spend a ton of money outside concerts and plane tickets so lay off. Just a warning, I'm probably about to sound like a 12yr. old but I'm okay with that you know why? The 12yr. olds I know are a thousand times more active than I am so I think there is a thing or two to be learned there...

First of all, I just bought these hot rollers at walmart the other day and they are amazeballs. I haven't used hot rollers since high school, and I forgot how both 1.easy they are, and 2. bigtime voluminous they make my getting longer hair. LOVE THEM.

I'd really like to get a dslr camera. My little Nikon cool pix point and shoot has served its time weening me into fancier cameras...but I still can't change lenses and flash with it like I could with a dslr. Now which to choose? My photography teacher says that Cannon and Nikon are the Ford and Chevy of cameras. Hmmm which to choose?

It's roller derby season! After seeing "Whip It" I really wanted to find a roller derby team to try out for...but then I went with Darby and Randy to see an actual Roller Derby in Austin and well, those girls would totally kick my teeth in. They were kinda big and vicious. And I'm not looking to be in a body cast anytime soon, however, skates are cool and I would LOVE to have some outdoor skates! Real skates not roller blades. Roller blades are dumb.

I WANT TO LEARN THE PIANO!!!! I'm sure it wouldn't cost all that much to just get a basic little keyboard right? Every time I listen to Ben Folds I wonder how hard some of his songs would be to play. I love the piano. I also love the violin, but I've already taken piano lessons, so all I would need is some good old fashioned practice!

I remember my friend Gunnar had one of these at his house in high school. He was a wake boarder so I guess he used it for balance. But, it was so fun to try to balance and wobble back and forth on it. Fun for party's, for for standing around and talking, just fun. Where do you even buy one of these in Texas?

I've wanted a skateboard since about my 8th grade year in middle school. Sometimes in L.A. I get to ride Toby's long board and it is SO fun. I'd love to get good at it and be able to coast around anywhere.

Also, I've been on a big Radiohead kick lately. Couldn't embed this video but click on the link below for a good time and one of my favorites.

http://youtu.be/GoLJJRIWCLU

Whoa.

2011-04-16T14:56:00.000-07:00

The final Saturday school was this morning (thank goodness), which means I revert to my college kid ways and get out of bed 20 minutes before I have to be in the car. This choice leads me to the over sized old pink shirt left in my drawer from after 2 weeks without laundry, the jeans I wore yesterday, and my greasy hair in a ponytail because hey, it's 8th graders and coworkers, who cares what I look like right?

A few fellow teachers and I decide to go to Frankie's afterwards to grab some lunch. I was the first to arrive, so I walk in and scan the room for an open table, preferably one next to a wall because I don't like having my back to people. I never, ever notice other people in a restaurant. I'm not a people watcher. I'm not checking out guys at the bar. And, honestly I'm just not that observant...I'm pretty A to B all the time, rarely multitasking.

So I find my little spot in the corner and get ready for others to come in. When I set my purse down and pick my head up what do I see? That's right...Jon. Sitting about 3 tables in front of me with his Rangers shirt on. Smiling. Laughing. I think he might have even lost weight? Either way he looked good. I haven't seen him in almost 2 years. I must have walked right past him! Did he notice me? Was he just as uncomfortable? All I really wanted was to run up and hug him, find out how he's been doing, see if he wanted to catch up later!

But I didn't...... Instead, I panicked, like shaky panicked, called my teacher friends and told them we had to go somewhere else, and walked out. I just kept reading his last email over and over in my mind, "I'm 100% sure I don't want any contact with you ever again". I almost even sent him an email when I got home. Almost sent him a text. But, talked myself out of it because neither of those actions would be respecting his wishes. I wish things hadn't ended so poorly between us. I bet we are both different people now. Or maybe we're not? ...But it's too bad we can't find out. I learned so much from him. He was truly the most honest person I have ever met to this day. I admired that part of his character so much that I feel like that was a lesson he taught me.

So here I am venting to a computer screen. Confessing that I haven't got it all figured out. A couple of years ago I thought I did. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, what I was doing, and where I wanted to end up. But having choked myself on a big spoon full of some pride since then, now I'm not so sure. I actually act pretty stupid around boys. I never know what to do with myself and have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth. Perhaps that's why the only boyfriends I've ever had were best friends first, because they stuck around long enough for me to get past that and find comfort.

And, I wonder where God fits into all of this. What was the purpose of seeing him today? Was I supposed to talk to him? Was I supposed to attempt to make amends? Was this some sort of test? I mean, God knows what He's doing with people's paths right? There isn't an atom on the planet that doesn't go unnoticed and submit to His will and allowance right? So me in my vulnerable state...where did that come from today? Was that supposed to bring up fond memories and make me wish and wonder?

Who knows? I still feel deep down that God designed the man to pursue the woman, and not the other way around. But then again, I am 29 and single so what do I know? Weird day. Glad church is tonight. I need time with the people who remind me I'm not crazy. I need my thoughts re-centered.

Surf

2011-04-10T17:09:00.000-07:00

I saw "Soul Surfer" last night. It was SO good I can't wait to see it again. Mom, you'll really like it, maybe I'll come down there soon and we can go see it. Bethany Hamilton is so inspirational!
And what do you know?! I was cleaning out the garage today and found and old disc someone had made for me when I was in Costa Rica...they photographed the very first time I ever caught a wave during the very first day I ever tried surfing. This would have been summer 2005. Just a warning, I am chuuuunkkyyyy in these pics. I remember I gained a lot of weight when I was there, just not sure how much....but if there is ever a motivator for working out...it's pictures of yourself!!!

Look how small the wave is...can you even call that a wave?

Hello super-sized thighs!

That's Jess in the bottom middle.

Captain Random

2011-04-09T17:45:00.000-07:00

For two days in a row I administered the TAKS test. I don't know if you've ever sat/walked around staring at the same thing for 7 hours in a row, but it's more exhausting than it sounds. We are not allowed to read, draw, use a computer, grade a paper, nothing but watching kids take test. I snuck in a series of to-do lists I would add to as my mind wandered...and here are a few random thoughts for you.

1. I am such a t-shirt and jeans girl, but that doesn't mean that I don't like dresses. I LOVE dresses. I think girls in dresses look so cool, so I've decided to be one of those girls who wears dresses. And not like someone who wears one so rarely that when you do everyone who knows you is like, "Whooooa who died?". I'd like to intermittently weave them throughout my wardrobe because A) Dresses are pretty and girly and B) In the Texas heat, dresses trump shorts any day because it's sort of our gender's getting away with wearing the equivalent of a really long t-shirt around. So I splurged and bought myself two dresses from Target. (I love you Target). Perhaps I will model them for you on a day when I didn't work Saturday school sans shower.

2. Apostrophes are useless. Go ahead and argue with me but you know every time you are about to text, write, or type you secretly, instantly think to yourself..."Dammit apostrophe, now I have to go and feel around for the shift key PLUS wherever the crap YOU are...". Everyone knows what "Dont", "Cant", "Its", all means. That typo never hurt anyone aside from English class. So apostrophe, I see you as pointless and stupid...but I'll still find you, because I'm a rule follower and I despise coming across uneducated.

3. I got Fleet Foxes tickets and am so excited. I love that band. If you get their latest on itunes, my favorites are #3, 8, and 10. I know this because I regularly still listen to cd's in my ipod-absent car.

4. Mowing the yard is something I usually dread and put off, but I don't know why I act this way, because it's sort of relaxing. It gives me time to sort my thoughts and I love the feeling of getting cleaned up after you've been outside working!

5. Parasites was part of the Unit I taught last week. SICK. I almost barfed more than once. I'll spare you from posting pictures of THOSE. But there was a semi-interesting one called the Lancet Liver Fluke. It's a parasite that gets inside the brain of an ant. During the day it allows the ant to frolic and work and make babies and whatever ants do...BUT AT NIGHT, it somehow literally controls the ant's nervous system. And, like a zombie it makes the ant crawl to the top of a blade of grass so that it will be quickly eaten by some sort of herbivore, because herbivores usually feed at night time for safety and I suppose the parasite is intelligent enough to know the feeding hours of herbivores. Once the parasite is inside the herbivore it goes into it's larval stage. Gross. I had a hard time eating or touching ANYTHING last week.

That's all folks.

Swimming Pools

2011-03-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

I DID however, get to see Thao with the Get Down Stay Down. Here is one of her fun hits, "Swimming Pools". P.S. The Low Anthem has a new album out and is playing in Austin May 3rd. WHY ON A TUESDAY??? See this is why I should just live there. Should I take a day off and go see them? Hmm

Idols

2011-03-29T14:54:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was at dinner with a friend who reminded me of a blog I wrote a long time ago to the Man of My Dreams. I had begun writing an updated version of that letter to my "Dearest Hot guy that may or may not resemble Milo Ventimiglia...", in which I tried to be as witty as possible in begging the husband fairy for a man that's not a huge jerk. However, after some recent enlightenment...I did a rewrite.

You see, after almost a year without a date it would be easy to question my status on a scale of repulsiveness or something. It would be easy to cry, "Woe is me!" and spend the rest of my days wishing for a man who actually only exists in the realms of unicorns and hobbits. But then I heard my preacher talk about idolatry and idols, and somewhere in the world a light bulb turned on.

I look at people in Haiti and think they are absolutely nuts for having a "Fish Temple". I look at the little offerings the Hindus in Bali place outside their stores for the money god and feel pity for them. So maybe we don't have a ton of physical alters in the U.S., but don't we have plenty of our own silly idols?? YES we do. We bow down to the god of materialism so that we can all have bigger, better, awesome houses to fill with useless trinkets. We treat children like they run this place while putting our elderly in homes to be out of the way. We revolve our worlds around money, competition, sex, and selfish ambition. How silly all of this must seem to God?

So my preacher gave a list of questions to help narrow whatever idols you have in your own life. I've included this list at the bottom of this blog if you're interested. And I have found my biggest idol. Probably around the time I was in third grade with super good looking Matt Carmel...I started building this alter to the god of relationships. I would watch a lot of romantic comedies, spend a lot of time day dreaming, and hang on every word of relationship stories my friends had...in order to build up this alter brick by brick. And now that I'm 29, what I have is this huge monster of a platform in which I want to put a man on to worship. It doesn't matter how many horror stories I hear of divorce, and fighting, and hard times...in my head I think if I could just find a great guy to marry me, then somehow he could save me. All my problems would be solved and I could live happily ever after. It's the missing piece in my life. It's almost like I'm looking for a man to rescue me from having to spend the rest of my existence steeped in independence. Doesn't this all sound ridiculous?

I've even give this as advice before..."The only way to get over someone is to move on to the next one...". But do you know why that's true? Because I can't stop idolizing Nick and take him down off my alter until I have a new idol to worship in his place. If I take him down, then there is mere empty space left...and empty space is an extremely lonely place to live. I have let the idea of a committed relationship consume me, and blind me, and manipulate me in a way I didn't see coming.

I never realized before now that I do this to MY self. I'm not the victim of relationships gone bad, that needs to be pitied and coddled. No, I've chosen to make the idea of a relationship the treasure of my world. But, the truth is, no man can save me. No job can save me. No pretty house can save me. Only Jesus can save me. I can not expect perfection in a man when I have none to offer myself. I have to stop creating this relationship in my mind that will turn my life into a movie. I realize I am no cupcake, so whoever does end up with me, IF I end up with anyone that is...well I have to understand there will be conflict and imperfections...and it might even lead to a new set of idols. Let's say I do marry a great guy...then I will want children...then I will want a great place to live...a great job...etc... It's the hamster wheel of trying to satisfy self that will never work.

And looky here what I just HAPPENED to be reading during our daily silent reading time at school...excerpts from The Reason for God...

No human relationship can bear this burden of godhood...If your partner is your "All" then any shortcoming in him becomes a major threat to you...What is it that we want to be rid of...our feeling of nothingness...to know our existence has not been in vain. We want redemption--nothing less. Needless to say, humans cannot give this. -Becker

If anything threatens your identity you will not just be anxious, but paralyzed with fear. If you lose your identity through the failings of someone else you will not just be resentful, but locked into bitterness. If you lose it through your own failings, you will hate or despise yourself as a failure as long as you live. Only if your identity is built on God and His love, says Kierkegaard, can you have a self that can venture anything, face anything. -Keller

It's nice to have some clarity. But now what to do with this new found knowledge? In discussion of all this revelation with a close friend, her answer was, "Now you pursue God, with everything you have". I'm not saying my days of being sad in my singleness are over...but at least now I can recognize that sadness for what it truly is, and place blame where it is deserved. I am also not saying that I don't want a man...because a man would be awesome...but now I can recognize that he will never be anything more than that...just a man. Hopefully he will also be my best friend and a father to our children...but with all of his faults and flaws included that were never meant to have the capacity to complete me the way that God is supposed to.

Fifteen questions on uncovering idolatry in your life

What are you most afraid of?

What do you long for most passionately?

Where do you run for comfort?

What do you complain about most?

What angers you most?

What makes you happiest?

How do you define yourself to people?

What has caused you to be angry with God?

What do you brag about?

What one thing do you want the most ?

What do you sacrifice for? (sacrifice = worship)

If you change one thing in your life, what would it be?

Who’s approval are you seeking?

What do you want to control or master?

What would your friends say you talk about most?

The Civil Wars

2011-03-26T15:17:00.000-07:00

Almost got to see this band at South By Southwest. I know they are gaining popularity so we even showed up early to stand in line. But unfortunately, it was bracelets only. Maybe I should get a bracelet next time! Enjoy.

Spring Break 2k11

2011-03-21T19:46:00.000-07:00

What does "South By Southwest" mean anyway? Texas is south...and central...and the bands/films come from all over the world...I don't get it. But whatever it means, I had a GREAT time on spring break in Austin. I love that city, I hope I'm not too old to move there. It IS such a college town. But the river and hills are so beautiful, and I love that the night scene seems to mostly be in one central area.

I got to see a few films and hear a few bands. Some bands I couldn't get into without a bracelet, but overall I loved they experience. Probably my FAVORITE show was "Thao with the Get Down Stay Down". That girl was SO cool. Not only did I love her music, but here hair is cool, her dress was cool, her electric guitar was cool, her band was cool. Man, I'd give anything to be a rock star. What a fun job.

I got snow cones, lots of good food, lots of good wine...and more importantly, I finally got to see LITERALLY everyone I know who lives in Austin. I really don't think I missed anyone. Usually when I make a weekend trip to Austin, its usually for a purpose, with a few people and that entail makes me miss out on seeing several other people, but being there a whole week allowed me enough free time to catch up with friends old and new. I love all of them so much.

In other news, Operation Lose Ten Pounds begins tomorrow. It's time to face the facts folks. My body is 29 years old. She doesn't metabolize the way she used to. I used to have way better arms, abs, and thighs when I was a personal trainer. I also used to be able to eat whatever I wanted. Those days are gone though so now I have to try. So starting tomorrow:
- only ONE sweet per day. Keep a conscious eye on my calories without writing things down like a crazy person (after majoring/working in this stuff, i can eyeball how many calories i need/have).
-workout as often as possible. I actually DO enjoy it if I can get past the lethargy of changing clothes and thereby reducing my stress level.
-ride my bike a lot now that I got it all tuned up with new inner tubes!

My reasons for renewing this discipline are 3 fold;
#1...I'm vain and I want my clothes to fit well.
#2...I just realized I'm in a wedding in about 12 weeks.
#3...This lady who calculated my body fat with calipers told me I have 20% body fat, and most of it is in my thighs. Awesome. Thanks for the inherited pear-shape, Rutherford side of the family.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is on!!! Better go watch this episode before bedtime!

Newton and Negativity

2011-03-06T14:50:00.000-08:00

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad consider: God has made the one as well as the other." Ecclesiastes 7:14

Have you heard the term "Feast or Famine"? Why is it that everything can go your way all at once, or NOTHING can all at the same time? I have had three guys chasing me at once, and then a drout for the last year. I've lived with a lot of money, and also lived paycheck to paycheck putting things back at the grocery store. My calendar has faced several plans forcing erasing and cancelling all on the same day, while also holding useless weekends of laying around being lazy.

The last 2-3 weeks have been extremely busy. I've literally had each day from the time I wake up until bedtime scheduled for the past 3 weeks, and this week will make #4. Maybe that's why I feel up to my neck in stress. Can't wait for the break of spring.

But on top of being busy, I've just had a lot of mini-disasters going on. I won't go into all the details, because on the list includes more than one friend telling me how negative I am...but let's just say...the line at the front of my head has been, "What's next?" Seriously, what ELSE could go wrong this week? So I won't raindown my little black rain cloud upon you...but let me just take a minute to attempt to explain my negativity before I move on.

It's not like I ENJOY being a negative person. And truly, I wouldn't call myself so much negative as I am cynical. And skeptic. I'm very wary of people who never get mad, or sad, or lose their temper. Seems like a fake human to NOT feel those emotions on a regular basis. But at the same time...I could let a lot more in my life go. I could definitely keep my mouth shut more often. And I heard a quote one time about how hate temporarily places you in the ranks with the insane. Sometimes I just have trouble seeing the brightside. Sometimes I'm seeking consolation, wisdom, or validation when I complain. I suppose if I would take a breath, and step back to look at the big picture before opening my mouth...I might not come across so "negative". But if you know me, you know I wear my heart on my sleeve...people rarely have trouble identifying my feelings.

Moving on.

So I had to do a quick research project this week on Isaac Newton so that I would have an example ready for the class. Now just so you know, I only "researched" him for about 30mins so if you have more information...well that's because you, have more information than me. But I thought it interesting that Isaac Newton was so religious. Who knew? In fact, they say he wrote more on Biblical Hermeanutics than he ever did on math and science, yet that is what he's known for. And our modern age loves to keep science and relgion separate. As if it would be impossible for the two to be friends.

I think that idea is a little silly. I showed a video about the Big Bang theory the other day that I had to watch 4 times. I've always thought that the "Big Bang" theory was the devil and completely goes against Biblical teaching. However, do you know what I learned from watching that video four times in a row? The Big Bang theory is basically trying to scientifically say that the universe was formed in an instant. Couldn't God speaking be that very same instant? The video went on to talk about how everything in the universe is set in a specific place with specific speeds and if any of these were to change in the slightest, there would be disaster. Doesnt that sound like God, once again calculating everything so inexplicably specific that only He could be a logical explanation for it all?

"Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who set the planets in motion. God governs all things and knows all that is or can be done."---Isaac Newton

"Such a wonderful uniformity in the planetary system must be allowed the effect of choice". --Isaac Newton

I'm also still reading this book called, "The Reason for God" by Time Keller. And I just happened to have just finished the science portion...strange?

"Even though the concept of warfare between science and religion still has much popular credence, we should disabuse ourselves the notion that we have to choose between the two, or that if you want to be a Christian you will have to be in conflict with science. A majority of scientists consider themselves deeply or moderately religious."--Tim Keller

"For the record I think God guided some kind of process of natural selection, and yet I reject the concept of evolution as an All-encompassing Theory. One commentator on Genesis captures this balance well:

If "evolution" is...elevated to the status of a world-view of the way things are, then there is direct conflict with Biblical faith. But if "evolution" remains at the level of scientific biological hypothesis, it would seem that there is little reason for conflict between the implications of Christian belief in the Creator and the scientific explorations of the way which--at the level of biology--God has gone about his creating processes.

Couldn't it be that we are just slowly making discoveries about how God made things? While having a discussion about all of this with the 8th graders in my classroom, one of them raised his hand and said it perfectly I think. He said, "Science just explains how God made it."

Windows are rolled down

2011-02-23T09:55:00.000-08:00

Is there anything that makes me more restless than a count-down? Geez Louise, 2.5 weeks until spring break. 1 week until finished with photography classes. 2 weeks until finished with Track and therefore coaching this year. 2 months until finished with TAKS testing and Bible study. And 3 months until school is out for summer!

I've made a couple decisions lately, are you proud? Don't get too excited...only a couple. I'm going to a teacher friend's wedding in Mexico this summer. I'm NOT a resort person, but I don't want to miss out...and...I've never even been to a resort, and it's only 4 days. Also, got accepted to the Guatemala team with church...so looking forward to working with teachers there for 10 days.

After that, we'll see...there are options. And we all know how I do with options! Maybe this is why I LOVE restaurants that have like three items on the menu. Less choice. Here are some snapshots of what goes through my mind.............daily.............for your viewing pleasure.

Move to Austin?

Move to L.A.?

Move to L.A. then Austin?

What to do with July? Certainly not sit in Corinth.

How 'bout Greece? Did you know my name is Greek? Thanks mom.

Or Hawaii in July? Or maybe go to Hawaii at Christmas for my 30th? However that's rainy season...but still warm...

Or what about L.A. for a few months, Hawaii for a few weeks, then Austin?.... :)

What if my friend moves to Uganda? Should I go with her for a couple weeks and help her get settled? Or should I visit her at Christmas?....

Options. I'm AWESOME with them.

Love,

The Most Indecisive Human Being on the Planet

UPDATE SECTION:
*Principal talk went well. I think she really listens and cares. She sounded like she will do her best if the opportunity is there.
*Went to Amos Lee concert two weeks ago. He is great...and extremely good looking.
*Went to Miranda Lambert concert at Billy Bob's in Ft.Worth last Saturday. Left early because Billy Bob's is the worst concert venue there ever was, and I don't plan to ever, ever return.

Big Talk Today

2011-02-17T06:38:00.000-08:00

So just in case I decide to stick around one more year here, so that I can leave with some cash in my pocket...I'm having the big talk with my principal today to ask her to take me out of coaching and allow me to teach full-time. My goal is to "teach her" why I would be more beneficial to this school as just a teacher. I borrowed the idea of using paint from Hyperboleandahalf...so here are a few of the pictures I made.

The presentation goes a little something like this...but MUCH more professional...

"Hi Mrs.Principal, I'd like to take a minute to discuss my career goals with you."

"I really love teaching....just the teaching part."

"I don't want to just be any ole teacher, I want to be an amazingly awesome great teacher! You know like a Freedom Writers, Stand and Deliver, Lean On Me kind of teacher!!!"

"Though Coaching has made for a fantastic last 3 years..."

"I would really appreciate if you would consider moving me into a FULL-TIME teaching position next year. And get me the *&#$ out of *%$#!@& Coaching for crying out loud."

Thank you for your time.

Judgement

2011-02-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

The roomie and I made queso, got out blankets, and prepared ourselves for the Grammy's. I LOVE the Grammy's and the Oscars. I love seeing what everyone is wearing, I love the performances, and I love when my team wins. These are my super bowls. Because the actual Superbowl...means nothing to me. I could attempt to look cool and pretend like I know anything about football or teams...but I would not succeed. However, if a band I like wins a Grammy...I am filled with pride and happiness for them...I imagine this is how sports fans feel about "their" teams. You don't know the team personally. You don't play sports yourself. You definitely have no say in their coaching and you may not even live in the area where they come from...but they're "your team" and you get excited when they win and sad when they lose. Even though you had no part of it outside of spectator. Well that's how I feel about bands and movies and musicians and actors.

The Grammy's disappointed me this year. I was solely watching for Mumford & Sons, and Eminem. Most of the performances I would have rather read a book during. Bmx bikers don't belong on stage. Arcade Fire I wish you had played, "Wake Up". Muse, stop using so many lasers. Does anybody still living even remotely like Barbra Streisand anymore? She's so terrible.

But I liked Cee Lo and Gwyneth. I liked Miranda Lambert. Some of Usher's dance was entertaining, but that was about it for this year. I was even a little disappointed in Eminem...probably because I don't enjoy Rhianna, but also because he didn't do a song from Recovery. I still like him though. I'm always interested in people who can rise up from their own ashes.

Mumford & Sons however...NEVER disappointing. So what if Bob Dylan lost a vocal chord or two over the last few decades?...Mumford still looked as happy as ever to share a stage with the legend, and be performing at such a huge award show. My love for them is three-fold: 1) They are each really great musicians and can all play various instruments. 2) Their lyrics seem Biblically influenced. 3) They might be the most seemingly humble band I've ever seen live...helping their roadies, constantly thanking everyone involved in the show, bringing the opening unknown bands back for their entire encore.

Also, I might be a tad in love with Marcus. I mean...just look at him. And he sings, plays music, British accent running all over the place, big arms, quiet voice, wears vests, writes songs, and runs the book club portion of their website. I'm smitten.

Laugh.

2011-02-10T09:38:00.000-08:00

It takes a lot to make me laugh out loud. I'm kind of snobby that way. I don't even courtesy laugh all that often...I'll usually just smile instead. T.V., movies, texts...sometimes I think things are funny, but not enough to cackle at it.

But there is a blog that will almost always put me in a good mood and make me forget my troubles. I don't ALWAYS laugh...but I'd say 80-90% of the time I do. This girl's humor is right up my alley. So in case you missed it on the right side of my blog....the incredible link.....

www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

Plans

2011-02-09T07:13:00.000-08:00

Why yes I DID take self pictures during the snow storm. And yes, I realize I've reached a new level of vanity when I decide to take pictures of myself. But I like playing with my camera settings. And, my roomates get all squirmy about being "models". So there you go.

I'm about to share ideas that have weighed heavy on my mind lately. I'm not trying to be talked out of these. Would it be SUCH a terrible idea to move away? Is that the WORST thing I could possibly do? Ya, I might hate it? So then I move back. Ya I might lose all my money? So then I make more later. I've spent my whole life doing exactly what I'm supposed to do, in the exact order I'm supposed to do it. Played it safe, over cautious. Shouldn't I be allowed to make my own mistakes? IF they are even mistakes? Most people told me it was an irresponsible move when I talked about Australia...but you know what? That was the best decision I ever made. Those five months were hugely formative to the person I am now. I think the very WORST case scenario would be that I quit teaching for 2-3 years...and then continue to teach for the next...oh 33 years after that? But then I'll have had these experiences and memories in my pocket for those next 33yrs, as opposed to growing up and dying in this place. WORST case scenario I run out of money and have to crash with friends for a little while. Though I don't think I'm naive enough to let that happen. I'm pretty strict and frugal with money.

Plan A~ Most Logical
*Resign in June 2012
*Can legally sell house without owing government any money.
*One year to save money to leave with.
*One year to landscape and perfect the house for selling. Get it on the market.
*One year for roomates to save and make other arrangements.
*Time/money to get certified in several other subjects/grade levels to broaden my resume.
*Travel this summer, Hawaii? Guatemala? Greece? Italy? Africa?
*Travel for my 30th birthday. Hawaii? Australia? New Zealand?
*1.5years to pay off most of my car. (I hate debt of any kind)
*Move to L.A. until spring, for a year, or two years, or a few years?
*Find a room to rent in Hermosa Beach.
*Fulfill my dream of living by the beach, not just visiting.
*Try for a teaching job but willing to take anything available.
*Move to Austin after that because I can see myself settling down there.
*If I don't get out now, a lot can happen in a year and I might be forced to stay here for some reason.
*Stuck here one more year dreaming of other places.
*Don't ever buy a house again unless I'm married.
*Negate the previous bullet if killer lake house in Austin became available :)

Plan B~ Freedom
*Resign THIS June.
*Free my spirit.
*Forced to trust God with the money I wouldn't have.
*Pay the government the money back that they gave me for buying a house.
*Have no idea how long the house will take on the market.
*Stressful. Rushed.
*Roomates wouldn't have much time for alternate arrangements depending on when house sells.
*Wouldn't have to coach for another year.
*Move to Hermosa Beach.
*Move to Austin if L.A. doesn't work out.
*Hopefully forget about Nick with all the newness.
*Take whatever jobs I can get until a teaching position opens up.
*Limited money for this summer, maybe only one trip. Guatemala?
*Limited money for my 30th birthday. Might have to spend money/time off coming home for the holidays.
*A whole new life right away. New job, new place, new friends, new church, NEW TOWN.

Plan C~ Austin
*Could spend June and July renting a room in L.A., OR spend summer traveling. Hawaii? Guatemala? Greece? Italy? Africa?
*Then move straight to Austin in August.
*Would be an easy move, still in Texas, driveable from parents, Texas State Certified already.
*Attempt to find teaching job, but willing to sub or work elsewhere.
*This year or next. Travel situations apply to each. Money situations apply to each.
*Probably need to rent Texas storage unit for stuff during summer in L.A.
*A few possible awesome roomate options available in Austin.
*Live near a new group of singles before I'm (gasp) the wretched 3-0.

I need this. You can try and talk me out of it. But I feel like I need to do this. I've been reading in my Bible Study about how Abram was called out of his hometown. I have to wonder, did he hear an audible voice...or was it more of a gut feeling like I have? This nagging thought always, ALWAYS at the front of my mind. Jane had a good point during our phone conversation the other day. She said, "There's got to be a reason you just won't let this go. Ya know? Like you just WON'T let this idea go." She's right. I've been talking about living in L.A. since 2006. It's now 2011. FIVE whole years of my life have gone by. Australia, teaching career, and heart break. Those are my major life high lights since 2006. What could happen in the NEXT five years if I get out of my comfort zone?

Snow Day #3

2011-02-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

School has been cancelled for three days in a row now. Shasta has still had to go to work and she said the ice on the roads is pretty bad. With the temperatures staying so low, it doesn't have a chance to melt enough to be safe for school buses...so no school. At first I thought, "Ah crap, now we've eaten up all our vacation days later this semester". But after seeing everybody complain so much on facebook, I have a new angle.

You see, this is actually awesome. How much time in my life do I actually take to sit down and read a book for as long as I'd like, without having somewhere to be? How often can I go for three days no shower? I've lived in this house for 1.5yrs and have JUST started cleaning out boxes and closets the past couple days. I have my guitar to play with, my house to clean, movies to watch...it's been awesome. I'm really, really, grateful to have such a big warm shelter. I know power has been on and off around the city. I'm wondering if any homeless people have died. I'm also super grateful I don't have to drive in this mess. I'm no plow queen, I'm a Texan. We get snow two days a year and the whole town shuts down, so I certainly don't care to learn to drive on ice. I'm happy to have a few restful days.

As for the days later this semester we'll have to make up because of this? Quit your bitching. Our profession gets THREE MONTHS off per year already. How many other jobs literally get TWELVE weeks paid vacation? I'm happy. Here are some pictures of my last two days.

I found this picture of a wedding dress that I've kept since high school. I decided to throw it away.

A) Because my tastes have changed and I would want a different dress at this point in time.

and B) Because marriage is a pipe dream I've given up on.

I created a goodwill/trash pile. I bought these flip flops at target four years ago and have warn them all summer, every summer since. In the lake, out on the town, across states and continents. So you can imagine how gross they've become. They've been my only pair for the past four years as well. Last summer I said, "Oh I'll just keep these until I get a new pair". Which I never did...so I figured the only way to progress, was to actually get rid of them.

I went through my letter box and got rid of about half of it. Man there were some REALLY sweet letters in there from this boy in college who never made a move on me. I wanted him to. I liked him and thought he was great. He's married with a baby now though, so time to throw those away. I think I was really naive in college and truly never understood when someone was or wasn't interested in me.

Also found note after note from my mom. My mom was probably the best college mom there ever was. She would send me notes for every single holiday on the calendar, notes to encourage me on tests and finals, notes just because. Thanks mom. Those mean a lot more than I'm sure I ever seemed appreciative of. Also found a couple from my daddy. There was an especially sweet one he wrote me after Jeremy and I broke up in college...made me tear up all over again.

This stack of letters alone are from Paco in High School. We worked opposite shifts at the coffee shops and everyone had their own folder where our boss Susan would put paychecks, newsletters, schedules, etc...

One day I found a random note from this guy Paco that worked the day shift. So I wrote him back, and thus began our mail to each other everyday at work. It was fun. And I know he still has my letters in a box in his closet as well. We looked at a couple of them a few years ago. One of mine talked about how Coyote Ugly was the coolest movie ever. Haha...I was certainly in High School after all.

I never eat breakfast because I would rather sleep for 5-15 minutes extra instead of eat. I usually take a slimfast in the car with me to work ( I like them okay?). But the lovely BURGE's sent us a lovely blender after Toby didn't know his own strength and crushed our old one with his bare hands. It was a thoughtful gift from them...and I got to enjoy a smoothie!

After lunch yesterday I wanted something sweet, but we don't really have anything (finishing a lot of food off in this blizzard). So I saw chocolate chips and decided to bake cookies. Why? Because I CAN! Because I have all the time in the world! It was fun, and they are yummy, and I couldn't get my camera to focus in this one.

Today is Day #3 of being iced in. Today I took a shower. I'm going to complete my photography assignments for next week. My roomies and I just might venture out for a matinee (theatre is one mile away). Perhaps I'll cook a real meal, read some more (I'm 150 pages into The Fellowship of the Ring, and halfway through The Reason for God). Maybe clean out the pantry? I like cleaning. When I have time and pandora blasting, I don't mind it one bit. Perhaps I'll take some fun photographs for the next blog.

Stay warm folks.

Playground

2011-01-29T08:24:00.000-08:00

I saw this film a few weeks ago that was incredibly intense. In fact, it was so intense that I haven't been able to figure out how to react to it. I have no idea what my first step should be. I feel helpless and overwhelmed. I feel like I want to buy a mansion so that all of my students can come live with me rather than going home to some of their shitty lives. Though I have no personal experience with this stuff, I am aware that sexual abuse is alive and present. I understand that my stresses are insignificant compared to some in my city, and possibly even my neighborhood. I understand that I've had a really easy life.

What I wasn't aware of before the screening of this movie...was the volume of this violence. I thought "human trafficking" was just something that happened overseas in third world countries with no money. I've cried with friends over their stories of sexual abuse as a kid, and they seem fine, so my ignorant mind assumes that's how most cases in America go. Then, I hear on the news once in a while, a story so horrific you think the likes of that couldn't possibly happen more often than once in a while...because how many SICK and twisted people can their actually be in the world?? I'm finding out more and more, that its possible that the bad guys are outnumbering the good.

Judgement is easy when you've had smooth sails yourself. How could a woman be so primitive as to even consider prostitution? Why can't she go get an office job like everyone else? Why do people even try drugs in the first place? Didn't they hear the same "Just Say No" campaigns that I did? How low does your self-respect have to be to agree to become a stripper? ...Well friends, I have been ignorant and blind. Forgive me. Things are not always black and white. Situations are not always that simple. So try these questions instead....

What if I'm 9yrs. old and the only way to get my mommy to spend time with me is if I get high with her? What if someone in my family lined up appointments for men to sleep with me so they could have money? What if my mom is arrested and I move to a foster home with a sexual predator waiting for me? What if my uncle beats me if I don't agree to sex? What if any of these actions lead to a 14yr. old pregnancy? What if I've been raped so many times that even when I'm 18 I don't understand that is NOT a normal way for men to treat me?

Kind of puts things in perspective doesn't it? Maybe it would be a lot harder to pass class, get a diploma and be strong enough to put myself through college? Much less, interview for a respectable job? I worry about my kids. I worry about how some of them are treated at home and they have no advocate, too scared to use their voice. How do I recognize symptoms of that home life? What do I do about it?

I remain overwhelmed at the evil that lives...even here in our own backyard. And God, how do You explain this?

http://www.playgroundproject.com/

Faces

2011-01-27T20:10:00.000-08:00

I've been browsing through old pictures since beginning photography class, and analyzing them with all my new found knowledge. Throughout this perusing, I noticed that my face is conditioned only to portray a few faces. You see, when asked to pose for a picture, I get socially awkward...especially when notorious post-that-very-night-facebookers take my picture...I'm so very UNphotogenic that when the panic sets in...well you are sure to witness one of the following:

The first has become a signature, the "SMILE AS HARD AS YOU CAN" face. I first happened upon this face once in college while looking completely rough with no makeup and probably a few days sans showering. If you smile hard enough, the picture becomes an attempt at comedy, thus making the viewer forgetful of all possible eye baggage, acne, and hair grease.

I make my friends do this face...

This face especially works when the sun is beating your retinas...

Like Auntie, like Niecey...

Sometimes friends choose not to participate in the special face pose...

And, sometimes friends are too cool to join in with the face...

Perhaps true friends wouldn't allow this stupid face in the first place!!!

Though there is speculation that the signature face has helped me pick up guys.

Speaking of guys...wanna see what happens when I'm asked to take a picture next to a man? Any male really. Doesn't even matter if I'm interested in them or not. Scientists speculate this kind of behavior may be the key influence to my current single-as-a-dollar-bill status. I call this, "PERHAPS A SIMPLE SMILE WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE APPROPRIATE". Scaring men away around the world, without further adieu...

Chefs...

Besties...

Reunions...

Breakfast...

And we wonder why I don't have a boyfriend. This last section is titled, "WHAT WAS I THINKING AND WHY IS IT NOT DELETED?"

What happens if I put the camera here?...

"Let's see your Chicago for Dummies face"...

Overdramatic plastic glass malfunction...

This is how I take a break...

I think the "moose" began at a St.Patricks Day parade. I have no idea why...

Why wouldn't I make the same face as the statue?

Peanut.

2011-01-16T07:37:00.000-08:00

I listen to this on repeat a lot.

"Tween"

2011-01-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

My latest bathroom edition.

"Frodo was in his tweens as hobbits called the irresponsible twenties between childhood and the coming of age at thirty-three."

So THAT'S what my problem is. Maybe I'm just still in my "tweens" and I'll finally come of age in about 4 more years. ugh.

Also, I saw, "The Fighter" yesterday. It was SOOO good. Christian Bale is such a great actor! And Mark Wahlberg is hot...especially as a boxer.

Also, the theme song for this movie just happens to be what I have as my blog title. "How you like me now" is a song by The Heavy. I first heard it in the Kia Sol commercial. I now think those cars are officially cooler solely based on that song.

59-2

2011-01-08T09:18:00.000-08:00

The record for my 7th graders this season is 0-4. The score from our last losing game was 59-2. Did you hear that? FIFTY-NINE to TWO!!! Who loses by 57 points? And the opposing coach had the cojones to play her first string for the entire 4th quarter. Has she taught her kids humility and class? Apparently not while they blew bubbles, smacking their gum, jogging up and down the court, slapping basketballs out of my girls hands because they have at minimum a foot and a half of height on us. I've never wanted to punch 12yr. olds so much as I did Thursday night.

Kids don't realize this, but I think losing is even harder on the coaches. I'm so helpless there on the sidelines. They get panicky and don't remember where to go, they can't hear me on the sidelines, there isn't enough time to kinetically re-explain the plays. I can't go out on to the court myself with my 5'7 stature and help them out. And so not only did we lose, but we were humiliated.

I don't want to get in trouble with my job, but if I ever leave this district I intend to send a letter to our athletics department telling them how stupid I think it is that we play so many games with an affluent school district. Supposedly it makes us "better" to play against them. Well have you ever had to coach the UN-affluent side? It doesn't make them better, it kills their morale. Some of them already feel like losers because they struggle with their grades...which probably has a lot to do with school being taught in their second language...they have problems out of their control at home....some of those problems carry weight that should never be put on a twelve year old...and now you want them to pick up a basketball for literally the first time in their lives and play a game against another set of girls whose parents have paid for them to play on select basketball teams since they were 4yrs. old?? Are you retarded???

Perhaps I should go ahead and send an anonymous letter, perhaps pretending to be a parent since I have no voice as an employee. Should we play in tournaments against girls who are really good? Sure. Should we play two or three games per season with that affluent district? Absolutely, they need to know what they'll be up against in high school. But, should we play the majority of our games against teams who will not only beat us...but will humiliate us in the process? I say no. I say you get off your idealistic high horse and come down to the trenches and get involved in the lives of these kids and then tell me if it actually "makes them better". I can tell you from experience...it makes them want to quit. Sometimes I can understand why kids turn to drugs and gangs...it's an easy way for them to feel like big shots.

Timothy Keller

2011-01-08T08:54:00.000-08:00

I'm really enjoying this book that Jane let me borrow. I'm taking notes it's so good. Here's a snippet...

"I realized that my achievements were untimely satisfying, the approval of man is fleeting, that a carpe diem life lived solely for adventure is just a form of narcissism and idolatry. And so I became a believer in Christ."

What rhymes with 2011?

2011-01-02T10:30:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year 2011!!! For the last three years I have spent New Year's Eve with the lovely Melanie and Alayna. I think it just began with us all wanting to get out of here for NYE and try some place else. What a joy this tradition has become! 2009 we went to Chicago, and through quite a random story, we met a one Kyle Wheeler, connected through Aaron Bell. Last year, we were Kyle-less, but had a great time in Albuquerque, NM visiting Lynn and baby Chase, and learning how to exit ski-lifts. THIS year we decided to keep it short, sweet, and cheap. Kyle lives in Austin now, so we held a NYE reunion there...especially since Darby and Randy already live there too! Could NYE be as fun if we were in a city we had already been to? ABSOLUTELY it could.

We got there Thursday night, and went to a fantastic dinner at Clay's duplex with Darby, Randy, and friends! Clay cooked a wonderful meal for us, there was a talent show, Apples to Apples, Catchphrase...I had so much fun. Then we went to Kyles and jumped on his trampoline until 3am before crashing. Kyle has the funnest house ever. In their front yard they have a trampoline, a swing built for two, 3 hammocks, a chiminea, grill and picnic tables. I've heard they even have movies outdoors sometimes when Aaron brings a projector home! I think I too need to shop on craigslist for my own outdoor playground!

Kyle is such a thoughtful host. Sometimes I think men are just THAT different from women in that their brain's don't work the same as ours...but then you meet someone like Kyle and faith is restored. When we got to his house he had all of our bed's already made up for us, towels laid out, and he had bought breakfast the next morning (which he also cooked for us). He was constantly checking on our comfort and making sure we had everything we wanted. We love him!

We woke up Friday ready to "hike" Mt.Bonnell. I guess I was expecting some kind of 30 minute minimum hike? It was actually only about a 3 minute flight of stairs. Boo.

My new friend McKissick met up with us and I hope we didn't scare him off with our twisted humor! We also to played around the 360 bridge for a bit. I have GOT to get over my fear of heights someday. We ate lunch at Hopdoddy? A really great burger place, took a rest in Kyles hammocks, and then got cleaned up and dolled up for the big NYE.

Buenos Aires Cafe is where Kyle works, so we went and had a delicious and fancy dinner there. He even had a little personalized reservation card set on our table. Aww. Then we met up with Darby, Randy and Clay at Opa to ring in the New Year. Austin was really packed downtown, so Opa was perfect for being slightly removed from all of that.

Yes, yes we DID wear the Happy New Year tiaras for the ENTIRE December 31st and January 1st.

After Opa, we ended up at Beauty Bar and danced the night away. If you know me at all, you know I am NOT a dancer...but on New Year's Eve, dancing like mine is about as socially acceptable as the sequence shirt I was wearing. So, we had a great time, and made tons of new memories with some of my favorite people on the planet! When we got back to the house we hung out for a bit by the fire-lit chiminea and then fell asleep. A perfect evening with lovely friends.

This is a view from the front porch of Melanie on the swing, New Year's Day.

We met Randy, went to Magnolia, and had a great breakfast with hilarious conversation before heading home. I give Austin 2011 NYE six thumbs up. I couldn't have asked for a sweeter time with each of these friends who are oh so important to me in their own ways. I am so grateful to God for the way He crosses paths. I know Randy, because we only worked together for a few months before I shipped off to Australia. I know Alayna and Melanie through SouthFM shows. I know Darby because she was the previous intern at a church I worked for. I know Kyle because Darby showed me a note Aaron wrote on facebook, and I replied to it, and Aaron gave Kyle our number on a New Year's Eve, in Chicago, two year's ago.

What if Randy had worked at the CVC a few months later? What if I hadn't kept in touch with Paco and SouthFM after high school? What if I had never gone to New Zealand to see Darby and read Aaron's note? What if we had decided to just stay in Dallas for NYE 2009?....All of these what if's could have produced different outcomes. But I think God knows what He's doing. I think He can see all the connection webs at one time. Whether He places people in their paths or we choose them I don't know. Perhaps it's a little of both? But either way, I love watching how God decides to allow people to be woven together. I hope He was glorified in our joy of loving the Earth He's created, the food He's given us, and the people He's made. Thank you so much Lord, for such a sweet time with sweet friends.

29

2010-12-30T08:17:00.000-08:00

Aaaand...now I'm 29. It would be terribly easy for me to get uber depressed about this number, being the last year of my twenties and all. Some of my friends have had their second kid already and I'm still as single as a dollar bill. I'm getting older and have done some fun things, but I can also get overwhelmed at all I HAVEN'T done by now, at this point in my life. However, when I was writing in my journal this morning something hit me. God has given me twenty nine whole years of a good life on this Earth, and here I am whining about what I don't have. I should be grateful to have made it this far. I should be grateful for the position He has put me in where my possibilities are seemingly endless. And, Lord...I am grateful.

So to celebrate the big 29, we actually did it ON December 28th this year. Sometimes, in the past we've celebrated it on other days to accommodate every one's holiday schedule...but my personal opinion is that is kind of dumb. We took the dart rail from the Frankford Station all the way to Deep Ellum and it was awesome. It took like 6 hours to get down there, but i really appreciated not having to drive and find parking in the rain. I will be using our new public transit more often, especially when the Garden Ridge station opens. Dart has stations right in front of Victory Park, and the West End, etc... This is definitely the way to go for Mavs games and such! And, it was only $4. Compare that to gas prices, and $10-20 parking and this is a much better deal.

We took the train down to Deep Ellum and only had to walk about a block to the Anvil Pub. This place just opened but I love it. Its got a dark, wooden, pub kind of atmosphere that I like with a really great soundtrack playing all the time. But the music isn't so loud that you can't hear your conversation. My sweet friends Teal, Michael, and Nikita came out for dinner! :)

Shast and I had a lot of fun on the train. For some reason, we think its hilarious that the lady that comes over the speaker on the trains takes a long pause when she says, "This is the..........................green line". Like she forgot or something. (yes I know its a recording) But it was fun and reminiscent of all our train rides together in Oz. FYI, My eyes are forever extra squints in pictures now because my camera has 8 billion flashes before it actually takes a picture.

A little later my brother showed up!!! I love hanging out with him in a different atmosphere than family. It's just kind of fun to realize we're both normal people with friends and outings. And the other guy in this picture is J.D. ...my...cousin? Sort of? I don't know. We're related by Angie.

Shasta made me a cake! This was so nice. Some years I don't get cakes based on traveling situations or whatever. Since my birthday is at such an awkward time of year, I've just never really felt like birthdays were a big deal. So it's no big deal for me to not have parties or presents and things. But I'll tell ya...on the occasion that I DO get parties and cakes and presents...it feels really great. Even getting postings on my facebook makes me feel loved, isn't that silly?

When we got home Shasta put candles on the cake, and sang me happy birthday. She says, "what are you going to wish for?" as I filled my cheeks with air and closed my eyes, just about to blow out my candles when she says, "...world peace". It was hilarious. I guess you had to be there.

THEN, LAST night, on the 29th, my other roomie got home and Ashley came over for dinner. I love those girls. We had a great time eating together and talking. And she had brought ANOTHER cake and candles...awesome. And I had yet another realization as I was about to go for my second round of candles.

I like to put birthday candle wishes in with the likes of: catching bouquets at weddings, throwing coins in fountains, wishing on falling stars, and wearing the same socks to every softball game. In other words, its a fun thing to do, and in that moment you may even believe it has some sort of superstitious power...but then when the wish doesn't come true...you realize it was nothing more than superstition. Year after year, if I have a cake and candles, I think I usually spend my wish thinking about my dream man. But this year was different. This year I wished for contentment. I wished to soak up and remember every minute of that evening.

At 29 I've decided catching bouquets and wishing for men on birthday candles is a little ridiculous. I kind of feel like the world of men has had 29 years to get to know me, and decide if I'm a suitable helper or not. You either know or you don't at this point. And the couple of guys that were ever close to near the edge of proposal...well I botched those up somehow. So, I've decided 29 is the end of wishing and hoping and living "in waiting". God knows the desires of my heart, and He also knows what's best for me. So now I wish to be content. I wish for God to reveal to me constantly the secret of being content in all things, which is Christ alone. Philippians 4:12, 13

¹²I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and^(S) hunger, abundance and^(T) need. ¹³I can do all things^(U) through Him who strengthens me.

God has not promised me a husband, or health, or wealth, or happiness, or tomorrow, or success, or fame. God has only promised me Himself, that He'll walk with me in this life, living in joy for the next one, the better one.