Get bent, TAKS MAN!!!

I love my job. I do. I think it fits me, and i think im getting better at it, and i hope that years from now i'll be really good at it. But the public education system is so flawed. And, sometimes it rears it's ugly head for me to remember what a political beast it is.

We spend ALL year preparing for this ONE 60 question, standardized test, mandated by the state, that we dont even get to see ahead of time. We have tutorials before school, tutorials after school, tutorials on saturdays, tutorials during class periods. Every single day our warm up includes old questions from this very specific test. We spend the weeks before school starts going over data of this test's scores. We take a practice version of this test in the fall to see who needs tutorials to ensure they will pass the real test in the spring.

I have a kid in my class who is falling through the cracks of our flawed system. He is a gifted kid that takes tests very well, but chooses to never to the assignments i give to him. Now that TAKS is over, i have given my classes a 3-week project to work on. Nothing difficult, just time consuming and they have all of their class periods with all of my supplies to complete it. Nine simple assignments in 9 days. Most of the kids work very diligently. Some even completed it over the weekend and already turned it in...and then there is my difficult student.

He doesn't care, so he chooses to sit and stare at the wall. I talk with him about his future and the importance of completing assignments and he doesnt care. I call mom, she won't answer the phone or return my emails because she also, doesn't care. And do you know what i just found out? As long as he passed all FOUR of the standardized tests for his core subjects, then it doesnt even matter if he fails all 7 of the classes he is taking as an 8th grader, he will be moved on to the 9th grade. So yes, you DID just read that correctly. It is quite possible for a kid to do NOTHING all year but take tests, and he will still move on to high school without ever touching a shred of homework or classwork. Most kids are scared of their parents and so one call home usually fixes this problem. But not in this case, of the uncaring parent.

This makes me sad and lose sleep. Not only are we setting him up for failure when he gets to high school and MUST pass his classes, or when he gets a job and MUST do things he doesnt like, to collect a paycheck. But this whole thing also negates the 187 days of hard work that I put in to teaching him. I run errands to get supplies with my own money, dream up new games for them, get up early to make copies etc... and NONE of that matters as long as he can fill in a few bubbles correctly.

And for the cherry on top...we have been told as teachers that "school doesnt just stop after the taks test, KEEP teaching". Teaching what? YOU have beat it into their brains all year that this little 60 question test in my subject is the only thing that matters, and now you prove it by moving them all along to high school.

My exboyfriend used to say, "dont complain about things that you dont have a better suggestion for". And I've always agreed with that. But in this case, i dont know what the solution is for our country. I dont know what the best way is to make sure all kids in america are learning the same things from good teachers. But i know one thing. Standardized Tests aint it!

Early Mothers Day

I LOVE MY MAMA!!!!

Las Vegas

Went to Las Vegas for spring break with 3 of my teacher friends. It was super fun, but i think one needs no more than 2 nights in Vegas to feel the city.




I think maybe I should blog a little more than i do. I really enjoyed writing on a regular basis when I was in Oz and, well my life is not just drastically different now, i think I've just allowed myself to adopt a different outlook.

I've allowed myself to get caught up in the Rat Race and i hate it. I choose to one up people by making sure they know how tired i am, or how many things i have on my calendar, or that my 55-60hr work week is sooo much worse than theirs so they really shouldnt complain. HOW VAIN IS THAT?

Im going to stop using phrases like, "I'll have my life back after ______". Thats stupid. I have my life right now. I choose how to spend my time. And I remember being a substitute teacher, or that crazy science job I had and I would hear teachers in the lunch room bitch about how hard they had it. And i thought to myself, "Lord, if you let me have a teaching job I will NEVER complain, because i will remember what its like to have 3 jobs at a time and only make $20k."
Well that didnt last long. You get around other people that complain and it starts coming out of your own mouth. Complaining allows you to fit in. Well i need to be DONE with that. Like cold turkey done.

Yes, I work a lot. But i chose this job. And I get a total of THREE MONTHS off a year. What other profession can say that? Before I was a teacher I only got about three days off a year, and whenever I didnt work, i didnt get paid!

I just went home sick from school yesterday and you know what? My paycheck will still be the same this month. Because my job has graciously built in sick days. Personal Training never gave me that. If I got sick as a trainer, I'd have to cancel(and piss off) my clients, and then my paycheck would be drastically smaller at the end of the week.

I have so little to complain about I need to remember to be more thankful. Here is the truth people. Life is not fair. Its a cliche statement but its true. There will ALWAYS be people in this world that do less than me and get paid more. There will ALWAYS be people in this world that work harder than me and get paid less. Its just how it goes. And Jesus tells us this.

Matthew 20:1-16.
The Parable of the vineyard workers. A man hires men to work in the morning, at noon, and the afternoon and at the end of the day they all get paid the same even though the last group only worked one hour. So of course, (like me) the first workers complain that this is unfair. And this is how the Owner responds:
"Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?"..."So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

Captivity

I remember being fascinated with dolphins when I was a kid. Sea World was one of the coolest vacations we ever took. I got a stuffed animal Shamu there that I would tuck away in my armpit and sleep with every night. I had a white t-shirt with a big picture of two dolphins on the back of it for years until holes wore into it.

Another fact about me is that I've always been bothered by the captivity of animals. I've never really liked the circus, or zoos. I've willingly gone to them and paid my money, but there is something about a sad animal wandering around a cage that doesn't seem right. Dumbo always makes me cry. It even seems a little sad every time I see a dog crated. I know, i know, its their home, they like it in there. But there is something about looking at a pair of eyes through a fence that's a little sad.

I recently watched, and soon cried while watching, "The Cove". This is a must see. Everyone should see this. I rented it on my netflix so I don't know if its available in stores or not. Its a documentary about dolphins being slaughtered in Taiji, Japan. Now that I've seen this, I sure am glad I signed up to go on the Sea World field trip at the end of January (sarcasm inserted).

Helpless is an emotion I feel on a regular basis with this sort of thing. The Lord has emblazoned my soul with so much passion, fire, motivation...and yet, I can't seem to land on a place to unleash all of this fight. Overwhelming are the problems in the world. How many inhumane things are being done to humans, let alone things like dolphins and animals? I don't claim to always know what "the right thing to do" IS at times? Should I stop eating tuna and fish altogether unless I caught it myself? Should I become a vegetarian because I could never actually kill something myself? Should I never again give money to an organization that holds animals in captivity for my entertainment?
I see the benefit on the other side as well. I had this conversation once with Jeremy after we went to the St.Louis zoo. His argument was that when else in your life would you have the opportunity to see a giant polar bear? And it WAS such a cool feeling this summer to have a Toucan stand on my arm. And I couldn't believe i got to feed a kangaroo right out of my hand in Australia. Those were all very wonderful and powerful memories. But I also have a couple more memories that were meaningful...

Like when Randy and I were sea kayaking in New Zealand and 3 dolphins came swimming up next to us. And, being in a kayak, we were right at sea level with them. And THEN a seal came next to us and swam along too! Our tour guide said that was the first time he'd seen that happen in years! How special was that?!
Or when I was visiting Clint in Alaska, we saw a huge caribou from the road and decided to hike along this stream until we could see it up close, in the WILD! ...now granted I almost peed my pants when it made eye contact with us, but it was an incredible moment.

There was a saying in the documentary that if you're not an activist, you're an inactivist. And I may never be able to cut free a baby dolphin that's about to be stabbed to death...but the very least I can do is advertise it on this blog...for the 3-4 of you that read it. GO see this film. TELL your friends. Its made me reconsider the prepackaged tuna lunches I so flippantly buy. We already gave up the idea of riding elephants in Laos last summer, and now I've let go of the idea of swimming with dolphins in Hawaii someday. I'd rather God allow me to see His creatures as He intended, otherwise I'll just replay planet earth and watch them on dvds.

TakePart.com/TheCove

slice of the book...

The latest Donald Miller book I'm reading is not his best work. But here's a small gem from A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, page 204 anyhow...

"...I realized that for years I'd thought of love as something that would complete me, make all my troubles go away. I worshipped at the altar of romantic completion. And it had cost me, plenty of times. And it had cost most of the girls I'd dated too because I wanted them to be something they couldn't be. It's too much pressure to put on a person. I think that's why so many couples fight, because they want their partners to validate them and affirm them, and if they don't get that, they feel as though they're going to die. And so they lash out..."

"...one of the questions asked was whether she believed there was one true love for every person. Susan essentially said no. And she said that with her husband sitting right there in the audience. She said she and her husband believed they were a cherished prize for each other, and they would probably drive any other people mad. But then she said something I thought was wise. She said she had married a guy, and he was just a guy. He wasn't going to make all her problems go away, because he was just a guy. And that freed her to really love him as a guy, not as an ultimate problem solver. And because her husband believed she was just a girl, he was free to really love her too. Neither needed the other to make everything okay. They were simply content to have good company through life's conflicts. I thought that was beautiful."

Little Black Rain Cloud

I dont feel good today. Probably the worst time to pour out your feelings on a public blog is during times like this, when I feel all depressive and pitiful. It's quite possible that 2 weeks from now I will read this with a chipper laugh and wonder what the heck was wrong with me. However today, I feel like crapola.

Maybe its just late in the month? Maybe its all the cloud cover and cold weather that i despise so much? Maybe its my current stress level? Who knows? I'm sure I could blame this long lasting mood on any excuse of my choice, but it wont change the fact that i'm just feeling blue this week.

I've been so rude lately. And to people who don't deserve it. I've just been snappy and lazy and highly irritable for no reason. I'm stressed about the amount of work I have to finish at my job before friday at 4pm. But, its all work I can handle so why am i allowing stress to creep in?

I dont feel like doing anything, or going anywhere, yet I'll get bored after a couple of hours at home. I feel fat. My face is breaking out. And the to-do list just seems to get longer and longer. I wish I could drop everthing and move to the beach for a while. I wish I had a husband. I wish I had a puppy (and time to take care of it). I wish I made good decisions. I wish I felt as close to God as I did in college.

There's my whiny rampage.

I heart vampires

So this post has nothing to do with traveling, but sometimes I just like to put my thoughts up. And here's a quick one. It kind of irks me, all the time and energy spent bashing new moon. I mean there are some people who dont just make a small joke, but take every effort to belittle people who like the Twilight series. Like on facebook, or I hear kids at school be pretty harsh with their comments directed at other kids of how stupid, gay, or immature they are for enjoying the Vampire books. I guess since I hear it in MIDDLE school daily, im always a little surprised that the same kind of demeaning ridicule is still there in adult form. So here is what I would like to say.

What is the big damn deal?
Why can we not co-exist with our differentiated reading/movie preferences?
Why am i not allowed to enjoy something, just because you dont?
I usually just keep to myself and let you have your own opinions, why must you go out of your way to be the correct viewpoint?

I'm not speaking to anyone in particular, just kind of something i've noticed lately and find a little annoying. Perhaps I'm a little defensive because I DID enjoy the books. And I thought the second movie was tops. But this is my blog so here, will take a little bit of time to get off my chest all the things i've kept quiet about. I find the following ridiculous.

*I think all video games are retarded and a waste of time. I am always surprised at the amount of time, money, and energy spent on these at any age. Rockband is the only game i find remotely pleasing, and even then, only for about an hour, a couple times a year.

*I find sports retarded as well. The world worships 20something year old men at their ability to throw and catch balls.

*Why would you ever drink more than you can handle? Your body has mechanisms inside to alert you when you have had too much and need to slow down and consume water. Hangovers are preventative. So are $100 bar tabs.

*Driving any vehicle that costs over $15k. Even that is probably too much. There are plenty of used vehicles in great condition.

*Updating your facebook ever 3 minutes. Or your twitter. Or your myspace. Why are you that plugged in all the time? What would you do with yourself if you werent allowed internet?

*Answering your cell phone in the middle of our conversation. Am i unimportant or what?

*Owning more than 5 pairs of anything.

*Designer anything

*"I can't...". Yes you can.

*Forcing the F-word into every sentence of your regular vocabulary.

Thats enough for now, I should go do something productive.