Been thinkin' a lot today.

So I think I owe an apology to Andrea. I'm sorry I sort of snapped at you with my comments, and now I think you're right. I am totally capable of diagnosing other people's problems from a mile a way, while constantly being blinded to my own. What I'm trying to say is, sometimes it hurts a little less to hear the truth from someone you're close to, than someone you don't know as well.

I had lunch last weekend with good ole' Jeremy D., J.Paul, Jer Bear, whatever you'd like to call him. This is an old picture of us...we don't really have that many pictures come to think of it? I can always tell how old pictures are by what was going on with my hair. Haha. I've known Jeremy since I was a baby, and ever since about high school, his friendship has been more valuable to me than I realized.

We had a long talk about what's going on in our lives. I talked about feeling lonely, wanting to move, change jobs, sell the house, questions about God, etc... And so here it is, when Andrea said, "Stop searching for a man and be happy with yourself", I bowed up because it hurt my feelings, kind of made me feel like she saw something wrong with me. I went into defense mode and thought, "Of course I'm happy with myself? Why  wouldn't I be? I'M not the problem, its all the men in the world. THEY are the problem!"

And then at lunch last weekend, you know what Jer says to me? Something along the lines of, "It sounds like you're not happy with yourself. As long as I've known you, you've always been looking for the next newest thing, you've never just been happy with who you are. You're going to move some place, and be the same unhappy person, but without friends around." For some reason, it didn't really hurt when he said it, but rather just made sense. I guess that's because he knows me so well and had all sorts of examples to display.

It's true though. I plague myself with grass is greener syndrome. Sometimes this mentality has led me into some pretty cool adventures...but it's also left me with miles and miles of discontent. You can see the evidence in my life...I'm discontent so a new career will make me feel better, or maybe a house instead of an apartment, or maybe a different boyfriend, what if I traveled to this place, or moved to that place, THEN, then I could find contentment. But Jeremy is right. I'll spend my whole life chasing that dangling carrot if I don't fix the internal issue.

Then there is church. For the last month, my preacher has been telling me how I am NOT the point of the universe, and if I make the whole world about me I can never feel free. The world is not centered around me, God does as He pleases and we each get to play a role. So how do I reconcile these two truths? Because I feel like something is broken in me and I don't know how to fix it. And at the same time, I don't want to put so much focus on myself. Maybe the fact that I HAVE put so much focus on myself is the very reason I feel like some thing's wrong? I don't know what the practical steps are here. I was hoping there would be some sort of kit, or book, or pill I could buy. Those don't exist though. So for now, I'll pray they be revealed to me, so that I can fully understand His secret to being content in all things.

Balloons

Last weekend I got to see the Highland Village Hot Air Balloon Festival from a jet ski on Lake Lewisville! It was so cool. I only regret that I didn't get out there Saturday night and take pictures of the "Balloon Glow" where they light up all of the balloons at night. I bet that was pretty, and I could have used my good camera. But, I actually got some pretty good pictures with my little water-proof Olympus. Not bad at all!

This is Duncan, owner of the jet ski, my coworker, and neighbor. Don't worry, not any kind of love interest, but a really good friend to me. It's great to have a friend live nearby, so when we're both bored we can ride bikes, or jet skis, or grill something. He was also really great a couple days after I broke up with Nick. I was really sad and had been moping and crying and really needed to get out of the house. Duncan took me out on the jet ski and we just rode around for a few hours. Didn't even talk or say anything...which was great because I didn't want to talk about it. I guess he just knew I needed to be outside and breathe for a little while. I'll never forget that. Good friend.

Here are some balloon pictures. I really needed my own helicopter because I couldn't get the light how I wanted. But, there are a few good ones in here!

Sometimes the balloons would dip down into the water. What a crowd pleaser!!!

 This all happened at about 7am on Saturday morning. So the light was really great.



Sorry it was Friday night...

I'd like to somewhat apologize for my outburst last night. Not that I take it back, because those are my true feelings, and at times I get overwhelmed and need an outlet. But because I realized today how whiny and spoiled I am. The Lord just gave me an incredible summer, full of adventure and life and fun, and He gave me the means to experience those things, He kept me safe in my multiple life-threatening situations, gave me  beautiful and cozy place to come home to...and all I can do is complain about what I DON'T have.

As I was cleaning my wonderful house this morning, I had some thoughts. Maybe God is protecting me because He knows how quickly I attach myself to men? I've had the dream of getting out of Dallas for so long, and now we are steadily creeping upon June 2012 when I pray I get to see that reality. SO where would a man in Dallas fit into that dream? Is he going to come with me? Is he going to break my heart before I go? Would I compromise my long awaited dream and stay here, if I met him?

And so, I remember my goals and dreams. I find joy in that, so many have already come true. I find joy in that, while I couldn't make Nick happy, someone else can and is...and his happiness is important to me.

Oh and just so you know Mandy...as super awkward  and interview-esque as blind dates are, I'm open to them...but no one younger than 27. Any thing younger seems cougar/cradle robber status as I'm a femal turning 30 in a few months. Profile? I suppose this blog/facebook says it all. I like traveling, live music, and teaching. In that order. I just want someone with similar interests who would pray with me. That can't be too much to ask is it?

P.S. Thank you God for the rain and keeping my mother's house from burning down.

14.5 months

One of the many reasons I loved Nick: He loved me back, just the way I was.

Seriously over a whole year, been around the world, and not a single date? Is there a third arm growing out of the back of my neck that you all haven't told me about? Are my social skills completely inept? Does this have anything to do with my college GPA? Am I'm too tall? Too loud? Travel TOO much? Have too much of my finances in order? Perhaps if I try to be extremely needy and psycho? Yes those girls get men, so yep, that should work.

Frustrated & Aging,

<3 me.

The Great Hitchhiking Race 6!!!!

So, I guess I wasn't totally done traveling for the summer after all. I was sort of peer-pressured into going on The Great Hitchhiking Race 6!!!!!! ...and so glad I was.

I've thought about going on this race for about 4 years now. My friend Aaron is the biggest hitchhiker I know. He's used this means of travel since he was 17...and 6 years ago, he came up with the idea of creating a race to North Carolina with this travel style. The race usually takes place during the week of Memorial Day, which is finals week for me, and has never allowed me the chance to go...until now!

This year, Aaron had jaw surgery and postponed the dates of the race. I was still skeptical about the possibility of entering this race. First of all...yes, I have also watched the same "America's Most Wanted" hitchhiker stories that you have...so I'm not going to pretend like I was completely free of fear.

Second, I was supposed to have volleyball last week. And, third, I've been running at a 90mph pace all summer and I am TIRED. This was my last week of open freedom before my school calendar began to rear its ugly head...and strange as it sounds, I thoroughly enjoy completing to-do-lists...especially one's I have put off ALL summer already for the sake of adventure.

So my plan was to drive to Van, TX Sunday night to hang out with Aaron and Darby. I was going to get to meet lots of people, eat yummy food, and have some gym fun with dodge ball etc... When I left my house, I was 80% sure I was NOT going on this race, but would just have a night of fun and return the next morning. Perhaps I was actually less than 80% sure...because I definitely threw my backpack and a few things in my car just in case ;)

Obviously I was overpowered by my wanderlust and said "YES" to the trip...

I am well aware of how absurd this trip sounds. And, have been made even more aware since my return. But if it is any comfort to you...here is a picture of just how many "crazies" of us there were...24 I think? In the picture, I am 5th from the left.

Every team has two guys and one girl. They also try to put at least one veteran racer per team (several people have completed this race multiple times). And what did God provide for me on my team? Cody Carver and a guy named Kyle. Cody and I grew up together...so it was easily comforting to travel with my church-buddy from childhood who had already been on this race a few times before. So that was peace #1 on this trip that lead me to feel like I should go. 

I guess hitchhiking sounds exciting to some and dangerous to others. Either way, the concept has sold gillions for Jack Kerouac. However, the less glamorous side to this endeavor that you don't see, is the long sweaty wait in the southern sun, the nowhere to sit because there are ants everywhere, the lack of time for snacks because it seems impolite to be chowing down while begging for a ride, and after a while...it gets old holding a sign and smiling.

The next picture was our first hitch. Leo and his amigo on their way to work in Longview, TX. Can I just say that 3/4 of our first day hitches barely spoke English? I am amazed at the kindness of a people who would pull over to help someone they can hardly communicate with, for nothing in return. It's also becoming more and more pertinent that I find fluency in Spanish.

Our next hitch was extremely generous. With a dad and 4 kids, they maneuvered things in both the front and back of their vehicle to accommodate us, for about the next EIGHT HOURS driving us from Longview, TX all the way to the other side of Birmingham, AL. He and his daughter opted out of the picture. Ok by us, but look at these other cuties!

The little guy in purple on the right is 6yrs old. When I first got in the truck and closed the door, I got settled in and looked to my left. There he was, wearing his little Luchador mask! Haha. He didn't talk for a couple of hours and I was beginning to wonder just what was under there! I think he was just shy though...because eventually he carried long conversations with me about his pit bulls and babysitter, eventually removed the mask, and eventually made himself at home falling asleep in my lap. Such a cutie!

 In Alabama, we were eventually picked up by Miguel. It was late and he had already had a long day at work roofing, but decided to help us out anyway and took us all the way to the north side of Atlanta. Again I practiced a little of my terribly broken Espanol.

It's nearly impossible to hitchhike at night but we we were racing and had a destination! So Kyle meets Kenney at a gas station, and leery of hitchhikers, drives us anyway to Commerce, South Carolina. Kenney was nice, but he kind of killed the race for us. I found out the key to winning this thing, is convincing your last hitch. "Hey why don't you skip work this week and come camping with us?? There's food and waterfalls and 24 other people it'll be a blast!!". Needless to say, the top two winners this year included a driver named Will, a 20yr. old kid who ended up camping all week. And in second place, a driver named Paige, an adventurous girl who ended up staying only one night.

Below, is a picture of our destination. I am pictured on the left sliding down Turtle Back Falls at Gorges State Park in North Carolina! Superfun!

Here is our group photo in front of Turtle Back Falls. (I'm in the middle)

Ladies on the log, and guys sliding down Turtle Back in the background! I had such a workout for those three days of camping. It's hard to explain exactly where the day goes...but by the time you hike to the top of some water fall and everyone slides down, then its about time for dinner. Or by the time you all jump off the cliff and then rock hop all the way down to Seven Falls, the sun is setting. Then its time for everyone to reconvene around the campfire for a fantastic dinner of hamburgers, hot dogs, kabobs, or even steaks if its date night! (Date night simply means on the last night everyone actually shampoos their hair and puts on more clothes than a swimsuit...)

I didn't get to jump off the bridge on the last day because Darby and I were in the hospital waiting room (Pictured Below). I'm sure I would have been terrified, but I also wanted to do it just for the experience. However, remember the driver Will? He cut his toe open and had to go to the Emergency Room. So Darby and I went to wait with him. Which actually worked out okay because we got to shampoo our hair in the clean sink with clean water!!! Score!

The next morning it was time to pack up and head back to Texas after an exhausting, yet fun-packed week. Below, was our third hitch of the day. He reminded me a lot of my brother Wes for some reason...I guess they had the same mannerisms.

Our 6th hitch on the way home was Shane. Talk about hilarious! I would pay money to listen to this guy talk he was so funny.

God provided everything I could need on this trip. And our last hitch was probably the moment I felt nearest to Him. Six hitches is a LOT to have an still be in Alabama. Everyone was only taking us 30miles at a time and I was beginning to worry that night would come and we would have to camp on the side of the road somewhere. I'm sure it would have been fine, but the side of the road is not the same as camping grounds...so you never know if you are on private property, or if there will be cattle or dogs or what not about. I prayed all the way through this trip, but I was especially earnest after our 6th hitch and it already being about 2 or 3pm. So I let the guys walk ahead a bit, and I whispered something like, "God...you have been so gracious in providing everything already on this trip...I'm nervous about it getting dark...could you PLEASE provide someone nice who is going all the way to Texas??".

So our 6th hitch, Shane, pulled over after an exit in Alabama. We got our packs out of his truck, and I began to pray. We crossed the intersection and began walking up the on-ramp. There was a man already pulled over on the side of the road checking something on his truck. It's Greg...an incredibly nice man who happens to be on his way to a job in Texas, and he doesn't mind if we come along....

I have nowhere to credit that but to God. I stopped believing in coincidence a long time ago.

The icing on the cake is that Greg has a sweet dog named Patches. I happen to LOVE dogs so this worked out real well and I pet Patches for the next 12hrs all the way to Van, TX.

When we were saying our goodbyes to Greg at 2am in a Loves parking lot in Van, TX...I told him how he was an answer to my prayer. That I had been praying and he is what God brought to us. Little did I know, that Cody Carver had been praying the same prayer. I guess where two or more gather in His name...

We then found out the under normal circumstances Greg would have parked his camper for the night at a normal bedtime. But he decided to keep driving, all the way to Van, TX at 2 in the morning (like 5hrs longer)....out of the kind generosity in his heart...the generosity that I firmly believe God placed there.

***********************************************

Here's the thing. I'm not saying that hitchhiking is the safest mode of travel and I'm making a habit of it or anything...I'm just saying, as much as the media thrives on murderous hitchhiker stories...well here is the other side to that coin. There are ALSO some very sweet, loving people out there who just want to help someone out. Sometimes they "know what its like to hitchhike", sometimes they "have kids our age and they would want someone nice to pick them up",  sometimes they decide we "look harmless and are curious about the race"...whatever the deep-seeded reasoning...I believe God leads people by His Spirit.

Now, I'll address the portion of your brain that is ready to admit me to the loony bin, and is convinced I'm going through some sort of 29yr. old crisis. I don't want to talk as much about what is "crazy?" as I do about what is considered the "norm?". I've been thinking about this a lot, and I bet if you separate yourself from some other "norms"...they could seem crazy as well. I don't mean to step on any one's toes here, so just hear me out.

Like take war for example. Again, I mean absolutely no disrespect here, I am extremely grateful for the freedoms I have in this country, and I love enjoying them. But think about it...hitchhiking sounds crazy because you have heard murderous stories, you don't trust strangers, and you could be killed. Right?? And if you sign up for war, you are willingly deciding to jump out of a plane, into hostile territory, with little more than vest and helmet, while risking your life being shot at, for a war you don't know the exact details about...and sometimes this is all done for the price of getting your college paid for? This can sound crazy, yet it is the norm, so it's seemingly less scary, and actually sort of noble.

Or what about texting and driving? You've heard death stories about that. Yet you continue to hurl your body down a highway at 70mph in really heavy machinery, near other heavy vehicles going just as fast or faster, while typing AND reading with your eyes off the road and onto a tiny screen in your hand because your patience won't make it to the next redlight to check your phone. Sounds like a death wish to me, but it is the norm.

I once paid like $200 to go skydiving...and I know for a fact people pay at least that much ALL around the world DAILY to willingly jump out of a plane, attached to a complete stranger, with sole trust in a parachute, all in the name of adventure. But this is the norm.

Or missionaries for example? People move to unwelcoming countries all the time in order to talk about God with complete strangers. If death occurs from this, they are praised as martyrs? I got to talk about God with several people on my trip last week, but if I had died, I would be considered crazy for going in the first place.

These are all just my thoughts people. Nothing more. I'm not asking you to agree with me or rebuke me...just ask questions if you've taken the time to read this far. Just ideas flowing through my head during the many hours I had sitting in cars and trucks last week. I wonder how things would be different if hitchhiking WAS a norm. What if it was just "normal" for everyone to help each other out whenever they saw need?

Also, I'd just like to take a moment to apologize to my mother who I sort of lied to when I told her I was going camping in North Carolina for the week, and she said, "Oh, are y'all driving??"...to which I replied, "Yeah...some one's driving us."

I put my mom through a lot and she loves me anyway. Thanks for the wonderful weekend mother.

LOVE YOU MOST!!!!

Lucky Puck

I can't even describe why I love this little man so much. He's not even mine. But, I totally cried when he got in the car to leave today. I hate seeing him in crates/cages. I don't want anything to ever hurt him or make him uncomfortable. It makes me so happy when he jumps in my lap and just wants to fall asleep. Mom calls him, "Lucky Puck"...and I loved it so much that I called him that all week too. I even got sad on the way home tonight when I knew he wouldn't be there. At least I get to see him next weekend! And, at least I know he has the best mom in the world!!!

Hawaii and Done!

Aaaand DONE with summer travels. I've only been home a few days, but I am really enjoying relaxing and working on my to do list. There are lots of things that are difficult for me to get done during the school year that I finally have time to do for these next two weeks before doing back to work! Such as: paint the garage door, the landscaper (super Nathan Vernon) is here today, putting together care packages and mailing them, going to the dentist, working out, and being OUTSIDE! I don't care that it's sweaty hot, I just love the sunshine.

This time last year, I had 5 places on my list to consider moving to. Nashville, Denver, Hawaii, L.A., and Austin. I went to Nashville in November, and though I loved it, it just didn't feel right. When we had a full week of snow days in Texas this year, I realized I would probably only love Denver in the summer. So, this summer, while going to Hawaii was a fantastic vacation, I was also kind of scoping it out. I've read a lot about the challenging drop out rates of kids there and how they need good teachers, so I was considering it. And though Hawaii had PERFECT temperatures...I think I might actually miss weather change. More importantly though, even being there only 12 days, I felt a little bit of island entrapment. Just the idea that the fastest I could get to my family or friends would be an expensive 8hr flight, that I didn't even have the OPTION of road trips outside of the island....well I guess it just wasn't for me past visiting.

I sure did love Hawaii though. Talk about gorgeous beaches, perfect temps, fantastic hiking, and yummy food! I was really fortunate to have my friend Randy for a travel buddy. In the case of most of my friends, they either have the time off, but not the money for a big trip, or they have the money and not the time off...and a lot of them have neither the money nor the time off. As I get older and I'm surrounded by friends married with babies, my adventure partner pool is dwindling...so I was really thankful for Randy.

I saw "Soul Surfer" with my roomie Ginny, in my pajamas in Corinth, at like 10pm the night it came out a few months ago. Some may call this film "Cheesy"...but I love the story. A girl who's faith gets her back on her surf board and competing after a shark attack. Impressive. You can imagine my excitement our first night in Waikiki when just a few blocks from our hostel, not only were they showing "Soul Surfer" at night on the beach...but they actually had Bethany Hamilton and the actress that played her, AnnaSophia Robb, introduce the movie! Right there in front of me! It was awesome.

The next day we took a bus to do the Lighthouse hike. It was so pretty. I'll run out of adjectives for the views I experienced by the end of this blog. I guess there are a lot of old bunkers from all of the Military on Oahu. After we got to the Lighthouse, we just kept climbing to a nearby bunker, and this is the view from there.

This is me and Randy on our sunset booze cruise. Happy 4th of July!!! The awesome part about this was the fireworks. This was probably the coolest way I have ever watched fireworks. Because we were out on the water, we could see the fireworks reflect off the metallic buildings on the beach, so it was extra sparkly. Another thing we didn't realize, is that we would be able to see the flashes from everyones cameras on the beach, in their condos and hotels. It was SO pretty and Jack Johnson playing on the boat with fried chicken and fruity drinks. Happy 4th of July to me!

Kaillua was my favorite place to visit. We got to Kayak and the water was perfect. I regret not getting to try paddle boarding...but that just means I'll have to find another opportunity to try!! I had my first Hawaiian "Shave Ice" after this. I don't know why they take the "d" off Shaved Ice, but they do. I think what makes a Hawaiian snow cone different than a Texas one, is that they put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the bottom. Genius. I liked it way better!

If there is one place I can recommend eating on Oahu. It is definitely the "Grass Skirt Grill" in Haleiwa. I had pulled pork, brown rice, fresh salad with papaya seed dressing, and a sweet piece of pineapple for dessert. YUM. So good. I think I found a recipe on line so I can try to replicate this!

There are 3 peaks on the Olomana Hiking Trail. This picture is about 15ft. below the top of the first peak, and I regret not making it past this. But I am ever so slowly enhancing my tolerance for heights. They just scare me. I'm not sure of my feet and I feel like if I fall it's completely my fault. If I'm in the water and attacked by a shark...that's out of my control kinda. But if I fall off a cliff its because I was not strong enough or held enough balance to complete my mission. This rope was the only way up, and you had to kind of go over this ledge to get there. It completely dropped down on the other side and I was scared. I told randy to go on to the other 2 peaks since they weren't that far. I had my book and snacks so I was fine to enjoy the rest. I actually attempted the rope 3 times thinking I might at least get to the top of the first peak, but in the end, I chickened out.

After 4 nights in Oahu we went to the Big Island, Hawaii. Our two major reasons for going to the big island were seeing flowing lava from the volcano, and Mauna Kea is supposed to be some of the the most magnificent star gazing in the world. Turns out the lava stopped flowing 4 months ago and it was cloudy the night of star gazing...so as it stands, the best stars I've seen were from Kansas. Mauna Kea was really pretty though. We were high enough to be above at least SOME clouds at sunset so that was cool. A little tip if anyone reading this ever goes though...they will make you PARANOID about Saddleback road, like its so torn up that only one rental car company in the whole town will allow you to rent a 4 wheel drive that takes you there. NOT TRUE. Maybe if you're going all the way to the top you want a 4 wheel drive...but if you just want to stargaze at the visitors center...you could easily take your chevy cobalt at $30/day there. We were fooled.

Hilo was a really cool little laid back town. We rented a car and decided to spend a day driving to Kona. So we went to the Volcano National Park and saw dried lava, then up through the north, then east to Kona, stopping wherever we wanted and listening to Sarah Silverman along the way. I liked Hilo way better than Kona. We spent one night in Kona and then drove along the southern coast back to Hilo. We stopped at a few black sandy beaches, and this one in particular had turtles!

We were spent four nights on Oahu, 4 nights on the Big Island and then we were supposed to spend the last 4 nights in Kauai. However, we had spent SO much time the first 8 nights researching where to go, what to do, how to get there, where to stay, where to eat etc...that we decided to just go back to Oahu where there was some familiarity we could enjoy. This also probably saved us a few hundred dollars on plane tickets and more car rentals. So, if I ever get to go to Hawaii again...THEN I'll hope to see Kauai and Maui.

When we got back, we found the Lanikai Bunker hike! This was my favorite of ALL the hikes we did. It was only an hour from start to finish, beautiful views, high but not too scary. Favorite. Here's a picture of me going back to the first bunker.

This is the Byodo temple. It's Buddhist, and was built in the 1960's to celebrate Japanese immigrants being in Hawaii for 100 years. It was a pretty building and location. But kind of overrated. It's just a building in a cemetery with a lot of mosquitoes.

My roommate Ginny, got me hooked on a show called "Deadliest Catch". I can't really explain why I love it so much. Probably because it's manly men and reality tv combined with adventure? I don't know but I'm obsessed with it. The show also has a sister show called, "After the Catch" that they film in Hawaii when the season is over and they sit down with all the captains and characters. They film this show at a restaurant called, "The Shack" and guess who went? This girl! That's the picture of the late Captain Phil they have hanging in the restaurant.