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Things That Can Make You Feel Like an Idiot Almost Instantly
There are certain things that can bring even the most confident people to their knees with crushing self-doubt and insecurity. These are some of those things.
Holding other people's babies
At some point in your life, you are going to have to hold a baby. When that time comes, you will discover that babies are terrifying and they hate you.
Maybe the baby belongs to your college roommate or your sister. You might even want to hold it at first. But as soon as the baby is in your arms, you will realize that holding it was a mistake. What if you break it? What if you drop it? Your hands suddenly feel like giant pieces of useless meat. Why won't its head stay up on its own? What is it doing with its face? Sensing your anxiety, the baby will begin screaming and then everyone will look at you like you are ruining the baby's life but no one will take it away from you. They just stand there and stare at you like you are the worst person in the world.
Having your space invaded by your friend's cat
Cats don't give a shit about your personal space. You're sitting on your friend's couch, trying to enjoy a nice conversation and your friend's cat leaps up onto your lap and gets all up in your grill. You don't like cats, but you pretend to like your friend's cat because that's what friends do. Then the cat gets all pushy and starts kneading your chest with its paws and backing its ass up in your face. But you can't do anything about it. You just have to sit there and take it because your friend is standing right there and if you throw her cat violently to the ground, she is going to notice. So you just try to carry on and pretend the cat's butthole isn't two inches from your face and everything is fine.
...YOU'RE WELCOME.
-C
