At some point, probably less than one year ago, I wrote about wanting a Masters degree. I probably wrote, or told you, about how much I wanted a Masters degree, but because of all the timed consumed coaching, that simply was not an option for me. Now I say, no thank you.
$30,000 for this 2 year degree and what would I gain from it? Another $1000 a year? It would take me 30 years before I made a profit on it. By that time I will be 60 years old and looking to retire. I remember walking around D.C. this summer talking about this with John. I think the conclusion we came to, is that you get a Masters degree for only 2 reasons. Either you need it to get the career you desire, or you just really enjoy learning about your subject and want to take it to the next level. Well here is a little confession from a teacher...I don't even like school. Never really have. I had passing grades 95% of the time. But probably about 60% of my time spent in classes was spacing out, day dreaming, or making lists and notes about things I wanted to do the minute I got OUT of class. You see, I'm not an academic, and I'm totally okay with that. I've finally accepted it. I've got other strengths and dreams. And, I can think of a lot of other ways to spend $30,000.
It's so hard to explain what my thoughts are about lately, but they are nagging. I spend anywhere from 5-8hrs per day in meetings that I have nothing to show for. Meetings that, in my opinion, are a huge waste of time. There are so many other things going on in the world outside of whatever cement room I am trapped in. There is still such a big part of me that feels like teaching is a gift I possess. I'm not trying to throw away that gift. But I just can't help if there is a better, more meaningful way to use it. Some way that doesn't involve counting down the minutes and snacking on junk food while I pretend to pay attention to whatever person standing in front of me drones on about strategies and classroom management like we are on the verge of curing cancer if we just sit in those chairs long enough. I can't stand wasting time, wasting life. If my genes serve me as well as they did my grandpa I will die sometime in my 90's at the latest. That's 60 years left. SIXTY YEARS. AT MOST! How short! That will go in a blink! That is a mist that will dry in the morning! What am I doing with these next sixty years that matters? What have I done with the last 30 years?
I need Jesus to either use me or take me home. But don't let me committ the sin of wasting my life, filling it up with treasures and selfish pleasures that are meaningless. I need to KNOW Jesus. I need to know everything He talked about and what He meant by it. I need to know what He wants me to do with it. I need more of Him. I just need Him. I have no responsibilities and maybe there is a reason for that. What could the Lord choose to do with an able-bodied, single, educated female? The possibilities are endless, please help me pick one.
You know how much I love stories. I went to yet another training today (surprise) and we got to leave by 2:30pm! So I rented a movie I've had my eye on for a while that I heard about on the Oscars. "Machine Gun Preacher", based on the true story of Sam Childers. I'll warn you, there is a sex scene and a murder scene at the beginning of the movie. But they go quickly and the camera hides the graphics. My guess is, these two scenes are reason enough that I haven't heard of this movie from the Christian community. But the story is so intriguing. And once Sam, in the story, was saved...I couldn't stop crying.
As if that wasn't enough, I read THIS while waiting for the training to start this morning. From the book I'm currently reading called, "Barefoot Church" by Brandon Hatmaker.
"It didn't start with a dream to begin a non-profit. It started with seeing a need, hearing a call, and responding with compassion."
Lord please allow me the joy of seeing a need, hearing a call, and responding with compassion. Open my eyes to what You have for my life besides a career choice and a paycheck. And let me be at peace with whatever that may mean. Amen.
