Thanksgiving

THANKSGIVING BREAK STARTS TOMORROW AT 3:30PM!!!...and I am SO thankful. Get me out of here. Get me to the country. Get me to the quiet. This will be an interesting Thanksgiving. Baltimore brother just had a baby today! She is a beautiful little baby Taylor. Dallas brother will be with the in-laws this year. Dad is in the hospital for the second time this month. So that leaves me and Mom. Might get some turkey...might get some Luby's we'll see what happens :)

An idea came to me last weekend. And, I REALLY, really want to share it with you. But I think it will be a much more fun surprise if I just post the outcome of this idea once I collect a few of it's photos. And, once I get the courage to take them. I CAN tell you this though...I'm inspired by the work below!! Esther Havens. I want to BE her. She's incredible. I love everything about her website. I'm totally in love with her work. Humanitarian photography is my absolute dream job. Maybe if I get good, I could shoot weddings to pay the bills, but my heart would belong to non-profit pictures. Hypothetically speaking. I can look at them for hours. Incredible.

Guess what else? Per Esther Havens twitter suggestion, I followed her footsteps and signed up for a conference in March in Ft.Worth! www.swpjc.org I'm so excited for this I'm about to choke on my water!!! Okay, enough. All this photography talk and I actually have class to go to right now. In a much better mood today than I was Friday. Accepting that some things are beyond my control. Accepting God knows what He's doing in my life. Accepting that the happiness I've been praying for my ex may have showed up in a different shape than I would have chosen, but an answered prayer none-the-less.

If you have some hours or days to kill, go to www.estherhavens.com

Prepare for uncontrollable smiling.

26 Weeks

Earmuffs Mom...This week was shitty, and that's all there is to it. There was a small mound of shit handed to me at work on Monday...then each day shit was piled upon more shit, until the grand finale of a shit erupted yesterday morning. All of this at the start of my day...before I had to put on a happy face and deal with 14yr. olds all day long. There is no need to go into the details of the shit. That will just increase the stench all the more. So there it is, off my chest.

One thing I can never deny though is how much I am loved. I type one emotionally charged post on my facebook and throughout the day was reaffirmed through multiple texts and posts aimed at cheering me up. I love my friends. I truly have the best friends in the world and I'd gladly take a bullet for any one of them. I mean that.

So I've been taking my second ever photography class. Which actually sort of feels like my first photography class, because I didn't learn a thing from my first teacher other than the rule of thirds. I'll share my weekly assignments with you here. Last weeks assignment was a scenic view with objects in focus in both the foreground and background, with the closer object leading your eye into the picture. Being the procrastinator that I am, I put off this assignment until the MONDAY MORNING before my class, which means I had to take them at school. Not too proud of them, but here they are.

This weeks assignment is an informal close up. I took these of Ginny this morning at "Biscuits and Groovy". She's a good sport, and I told her no one would see them but the old ladies in my Photo class. This is mostly true, because I'm pretty sure just my mom and Teal occasionally read this thing. SO DON'T BE MAD GINNYBOO!

Lots of blues. Not my best, nor my most creative. But I AM learning at least a couple of things each week about the thousands of settings that my fabulous camera offers. I've been looking up photo conferences lately too. Been hoping to sign up for at least TWO conferences before June. I think I can pull it off. Here's the thing folks. I see LOTS of "professional photographers" on facebook that shoot babies and weddings and couples and seniors. And some of the people I know are really talented and have such a creative eye. Then there are other people that are somehow actually continuing a "business" in this field, that don't even follow photography basics. Now, I'm not tooting my own horn here. I'm not pretending to know everything, and I'm not by any means pretending to be an awesome photographer myself. But sometimes, I look at some peoples work and think, "WOW. People are PAYING you for those photos? Shame on you. Those suck, and those people should have just spent their money buying a camera with a timer on it." But then again, I am a little bitchy. Especially at this point on the lunar calendar. So my idea is, if THOSE people can get paid for their work that I view as terrible, then maybe, just maybe...people would pay ME for work that could be slightly better. And then maybe I would enjoy my job. And everyone would win.

You know what made yesterday all better? I went running with my friend Alex. We've been running a 3.1mile loop around town lake a few times a week. It's been awesome because we didn't really know each other at all when we started. So there is lots to talk about, which makes the running go by quickly. And there is accountability to show up after work and not just plop on the couch. And I ALWAYS feel better afterwards. I always feel like my day was not entirely wasted after that small half hour. It seems to be having an affect on my waistline as well, which I'll gladly accept.

In other news, I really miss my Mama. Like a whole, whole, lot. In just three short days I'll have the freedom to spread my wings over her 50 peaceful acres in Winnsboro. I love it there so much. Wish I had a man to bring home to Thanksgiving, but as for this year, I'll just enjoy my relationship with Mom. Can't wait.

Celebrity Weekend

Such a fun weekend with two of my best gals! They got in Friday night and got to meet some of my Austin friends. One of my favorite things in life is combining friend groups! I know...I know its awkward, but it makes me feel warm and fuzzy and now each of them will know who I'm talking about. Then we went to Gruene, TX for the day Saturday.

 She's lived in both. Dallas raised me so I will never whisper a bad word about her, but I AM having so much fun in Austin!

I love this picture so much!

...and if I could edit out that pipe I'd love this one just as much...

And here we are at Gruene Hall!

Late lunch at the Gristmill. I'm so impressed with this town. It's been around since the 1800's!!! I just kept trying to visualize real cowboys walking around every where we went.

Pre-new year's resolutions.

BUBBIEEEEEEEEEES!! Ginny brought Sir Charles, Charlie-Bear, Charles-in-Charge, Mr.Bates. I love him so much.

At Whitehorse...

WHERE WE MET JUSTIN LONG!!! I was NOT cool at all y'all. He talked to Ginny and I just watched, speechless. I've never met a movie star before!

Yummy goodness Friday night at my favorite restaurant in Austin.

And Sunday afternoon I had to run all that business off...

Until next time!

Camping: Bastrop

Camping was only an hour away!

Setting up the neighborhood.

Back from the Brewery.



The crew, minus Aaron.

This squirrel cracked me up.

Photography class last night was great. No cute boys in there, but instructor seems good and I already learned a few things. Two kids walked out of my classroom today. I wrote two referrals. Watch nothing happen, as in NO consequences. How in the world did a school with such discipline become AU? Excited for friends to come in and tear up the town this weekend!



29 Weeks and 3 days

Here is a pattern I've noticed. Discovery #1: I WILL ALWAYS miss EX-boyfriends...right until the next love interest comes along. That's just how it goes. A pattern that has repeated itself since 8th grade. It's an idol for me, relationships that is. I'm well aware, doesn't mean I've found the solution just because I've pinpointed the problem. So this weekend I missed Jon a whole lot. And, on the drive home from Dallas this weekend I heard a song that could easily have been written for us a little over a year ago when fate brought him back for round two in my life at Frankies. "Why You Wanna" by Jana Kramer. Cue ugly crying...when?...BY MYSELF in the car. I'm telling you, I need a sidekick at all times to kill the Molly Ringwald inside of me and remain emotionally stable.

. Discovery #2: I ONLY miss ex's when I've A) been by myself a lot or B) been on several, consecutive girls-nights-out. Nothing makes me miss a man more than being around a bunch of chicks and TALKING about men. Sheesh. But, the more I think this through, its not like Jon was a perfect peach. For whatever reason I've got this glossy knight-in-shining-armor image of him in my head just because he was tall and loved baseball and fixed things with his hands and sent me flowers. Those things were true...and awesome...but they weren't all of the package. He also had some flaws that I wasn't excited about, which shall remain nameless since I'm not a mean girl. I really liked him in SPITE of those flaws, but now I choose to focus on those, since feeling the burning sting of his 10 month rejection.

Yesterday I voted. EARLY. People say it doesn't matter in Texas because Texas will be a red state until Rome takes over the world again. But my friend Duncan, who was in the airforce, reminds me that, "A lot of people died so I could have the option to vote..." so I did. And because I'm a grown up. And so my mom won't feel compelled to drive all the way to Austin and tell me to go find a switch. 

Ginny drove in to Dallas this weekend too and we got to stay at Ashley's parents house in Southlake. GORGEOUS. Seriously, I love every detail of this house. Dream house. Love. It. Here is the room I had all to myself, with the best bed in creation!

BEST SURPRISE EVER! I love boots. A lot. There is way more country deep down inside this girl than I let on. I don't like bugs. I don't really have an accent until "y'all" or "fixin'" comes out. And, I prefer make-up to a natural face. But you must remember, I've been visiting my parents "Place" in Winnsboro ever since rotary phones were a part of my regular routine. It's my dream to build a house on that land and.... anyway I've been talking about boots with the fringe for a long time now and ASHLEY GOT ME SOME. They are perfect. JUST PERFECT. Not only was I almost in tears because what a sweet and thoughtful gift, but the fact that it was JUST BECAUSE. Not my birthday, no celebration, she just saw something and thought of me and was kind enough to do something for me that she knew I wouldn't do for myself. These are my new official winter shoes. Expect to see me in them everyday until March, starting with the cold front this weekend.

I think this year for my birthday I'm going to make all my friends go out to the stockyards and dance with cowboys. This is one of my FAVORITE past times with these two lovely ladies. (And part of the reason I missed Jon so much, because he had boots and I think he would have LOVED the stockyards.)

Snuck this last picture in here. Went to Austin City Limits last weekend with Mel and Patrick. We had a blast. Should have written about it a week ago. I know, I know. Probably my last ACL though. Next year maybe I'll rent out my fantastically located apartment and make that dolla.

Last but not least. LISTEN TO THIS SONG BELOW. My friend from high school, Lauren Lambert (L.E. Taylor) wrote, sings, and plays. Love her and this song so much. Can't wait for the whole cd. Might even go to Colorado just for a show. LISTEN LISTEN. Okay. Operation GET EVERYTHING DONE starts right now. Write blog and put off more important things? Check. Tune in next week for weekend camping with strangers results and first photography class summary.

DOING

Less thinking, more doing. That's the phrase I'm repeating in my head. Stop thinking/worrying about my job, DO IT, get it done, and move on to better things. Get involved in church, DO IT, be in town, create community. Stop talking/thinking about photography, DO IT, sign up for a class, practice on friends, begin a business. No love interest at all at the moment, but should one come along, DO IT, jump in, take a risk, and be vulnerable.

I've noticed something. In the summers, when I am busy, I don't check my social networks NEARLY as much. I'm happy to leave my phone in the room or the car to go participate in whatever awaits. I am also way less stressed in the summers. More DOING, less THINKING. I'm depressing my own self with the constant questions of purpose and meaning and putting band aids on symptoms of restlessness. Get off the bench, get out there, play the game.

A few steps. First, finally signed up for a "Creative Photography" class at UT. Starts Oct.29th and is 6 weeks long on Monday nights. Yes, yes I DID take a photo class last year, but it was awful and useless. Hoping this one will be better. Also, deleted the Facebook app from my phone. I know that sounds small, but a lot of my anxious worry stems from comparing myself to others who lead seemingly more exciting, happy, and fulfilling lives. I have to stop doing that. I believe Facebook only feeds into that. Notice I am not cancelling my account, there is value in keeping in touch, but for now I intend only to look at facebook when I am at home in front of my actual computer, rather than at stop lights out in traffic on my phone. I need to be my OWN person, and figure out who God has made me to be. I'm keeping twitter and instagram though. I follow a lot of photographers on  instagram, and I follow a lot of uplifting and encouraging people on twitter. Deleting all extras. Don't find myself being quite as covetous on those sights.

Feels good, these small steps. I've made it 6 weeks in this hell for a job. Pretty surprised I haven't quit already and proud I've held my tongue and my temper there. Workin' for the weekends!

32 Weeks

At some point, probably less than one year ago, I wrote about wanting a Masters degree. I probably wrote, or told you, about how much I wanted a Masters degree, but because of all the timed consumed coaching, that simply was not an option for me. Now I say, no thank you.

$30,000 for this 2 year degree and what would I gain from it? Another $1000 a year? It would take me 30 years before I made a profit on it. By that time I will be 60 years old and looking to retire. I remember walking around D.C. this summer talking about this with John. I think the conclusion we came to, is that you get a Masters degree for only 2 reasons. Either you need it to get the career you desire, or you just really enjoy learning about your subject and want to take it to the next level. Well here is a little confession from a teacher...I don't even like school. Never really have. I had passing grades 95% of the time. But probably about 60% of my time spent in classes was spacing out, day dreaming, or making lists and notes about things I wanted to do the minute I got OUT of class. You see, I'm not an academic, and I'm totally okay with that. I've finally accepted it. I've got other strengths and dreams. And, I can think of a lot of other ways to spend $30,000.

It's so hard to explain what my thoughts are about lately, but they are nagging. I spend anywhere from 5-8hrs per day in meetings that I have nothing to show for. Meetings that, in my opinion, are a huge waste of time. There are so many other things going on in the world outside of whatever cement room I am trapped in. There is still such a big part of me that feels like teaching is a gift I possess. I'm not trying to throw away that gift. But I just can't help if there is a better, more meaningful way to use it. Some way that doesn't involve counting down the minutes and snacking on junk food while I pretend to pay attention to whatever person standing in front of me drones on about strategies and classroom management like we are on the verge of curing cancer if we just sit in those chairs long enough. I can't stand wasting time, wasting life. If my genes serve me as well as they did my grandpa I will die sometime in my 90's at the latest. That's 60 years left. SIXTY YEARS. AT MOST! How short! That will go in a blink! That is a mist that will dry in the morning! What am I doing with these next sixty years that matters? What have I done with the last 30 years?

I need Jesus to either use me or take me home. But don't let me committ the sin of wasting my life, filling it up with treasures and selfish pleasures that are meaningless. I need to KNOW Jesus. I need to know everything He talked about and what He meant by it. I need to know what He wants me to do with it. I need more of Him. I just need Him. I have no responsibilities and maybe there is a reason for that. What could the Lord choose to do with an able-bodied, single, educated female? The possibilities are endless, please help me pick one.

You know how much I love stories. I went to yet another training today (surprise) and we got to leave by 2:30pm! So I rented a movie I've had my eye on for a while that I heard about on the Oscars. "Machine Gun Preacher", based on the true story of Sam Childers. I'll warn you, there is a sex scene and a murder scene at the beginning of the movie. But they go quickly and the camera hides the graphics. My guess is, these two scenes are reason enough that I haven't heard of this movie from the Christian community. But the story is so intriguing. And once Sam, in the story, was saved...I couldn't stop crying.

As if that wasn't enough, I read THIS while waiting for the training to start this morning. From the book I'm currently reading called, "Barefoot Church" by  Brandon Hatmaker.

"It didn't start with a dream to begin a non-profit. It started with seeing a need, hearing a call, and responding with compassion."

Lord please allow me the joy of seeing a need, hearing a call, and responding with compassion. Open my eyes to what You have for my life besides a career choice and a paycheck. And let me be at peace with whatever that may mean. Amen.