Me, Alayna, Jane, Toby, and Glen wake up at 4:30am to make sure our teeths are brushed, our snacks and waters are packed, our valuables are bear-protected for the day, etc... We also left room to drive 30 minutes into Yosemite, realize our detrimental gloves were missing, return to campsite, and back on the road to Yosemite. We park the car in Curry Village as close as we can get to the head of the trail. I have a back pack full of water and snacks. I wear all kinds of layers. I'm not in the best shape of my life but I'm still chipper and ready to walk a big trail. Three minutes into the trail the incline arises and my lungs are already on fire. "Dear cardiovascular system...sorry for all the neglect....love, Me". And, so the battle begins. I don't know it yet, but World War 3 is about to ensue inside my body for the next 14.5hours. The battle between mind and body.
As we begin to climb the longest switchbacks ever, my legs feel burning, my lungs feel burning, my mouth is dry, and the other 4 people I am climbing with seem to be faster, with less trouble...and I give all I've got to keep up. During all the physical pain, I look out to the right and there it is...Yosemite National Park in all her glory. Its a beauty I had never seen from America. Cascading mountains and waterfalls, lush greens mixed with strong granite grays, and pretty colored flowers all along the trail to remind us that God can still see us. My body burns while my mind is at peace.
The teasers come when the trail levels off once in a while. It will level off for a moment, long enough for you to stop for a snack, totally forget that you were just fighting for your life only a moment ago, and then inevitably someone will say, "You know this trail isn't as bad as I thought it would be". Perhaps my friends are used to hiking in Hades...I don't know. About midway up the John Muir trail, there is a bridge right over a huge waterfall. The time is about noon then so the sun is shining, we stop for pictures and everything is so pretty. We are so naive to the how intense the battle is about to become!!
Past the bridge there is a series of sand on the trail. Sand is harder to walk in than rock. Its almost like a really mean warm-up. Then comes the 3 hour incline where I was ready to give my life-savings for the Rocketeer to come and save me off this mountain. Yet all these older, and overweight people are passing me with their walking sticks right and left, the beauty of nature is still around...so my mind tells me to suck it up because there must be some kind of gold bars or endless oceans of ice cream at the top of this thing for so many people to press through to the top. Surely there is some kind of reward at the top and all of these people are not certifiably nuts??
After 6 hours of hiking uphill, collecting shiny blisters on my heels, never needing to pee because my body can't sweat out my lowering nalgene bottles fast enough....we finally reach a clearing of huge trees. We all sit down, take the longest break we have all day. Alayna and I finally chug enough water to have to go pee behind a rock. And now it begins. I had been hacking away at my body all day but praying to God and praising him with my mind that it was a balance I was willing to accept. However, now comes the part people refer to as, "the stairs". These are not, in fact, stairs. I've been on stairs before. Lots of times. I know stairs. Stairs are usually level, with enough space for your foot on each one, and often there is a railing up the side for added comfort. What lay before me was a huge chunk of granite with some chips in the side that people liked to put their feet on to propel themselves upwards. Not stairs.
Some of you may know about my fear of heights. Its kind of a conditional fear but its very real. Yes, I have been skydiving...but that whole process takes about 30minutes and Im strapped to a big man with a mustache and I'm still glowing about the donuts I had a couple of hours prior to. Skydiving wasnt that scary. I've also bungi-jumped ((but it was at speedzone=lame)). Rollercoasters make me scream a lot but I still enjoy them. The point is...if I'm strapped to something, and its a generally quick process, and I'm not depending on my own muscular strength....then sure, I'll try it and pray for the best. On the flipside...Shasta knows all about my thing with escalators. Its not huge, but its there, especially at ranger games and the galleria. I'm not strapped in, when I look out over the rails that are merely waist high, I dont think my eyes comprehend wide open spaces, and I get nervous, and all I can envision is myself being in the newspapers the next day for tumbling over the side of something to my doom. Alayna, however, would walk out onto a 3ft ledge at the top of the empire state building if you let her, take some pictures, and think it was cool. One of us is a freak. I'm still deciding which one of us that is.
So I make it halfway up the "stairs" and all of a sudden there is no longer "stairs" but just this slanted piece of granite, me, and what looks like somewhere between the top of the world, and outerspace. I found a level rock of to the side of the trail. Hurled my body there, and froze in fear. Now the battle was not only on my body, but my mind as well. I told the other 4 to go on without me and I had made up my mind that I would not regret hiding in this little cleft of the rock on the side until they finished the top. I would wait for them. I assured them I was not looking for drama, attention, or encouragement, but just that my body was done. I literally felt like my muscles and my balance, were too unsure at this time to press on. And when my mind is made up, that is usually the end of discussion.
So there I hid. I prayed. I looked out over the expanse of the scenery and tried to enjoy it. I kept looking upwards calculating over and over if this was something I could even possibly do. And then, to be honest I can't even tell you the exact moment, but something just clicked in my brain. Its easy for me to trust God with simple things that usually work out anyway, like driving my car to work, or being able to pay my bills. But here was a true test. Could I trust God with my life up this mountain? That if it was His will that I live, then He would provide every step I needed to lug my 135lbs up this stupid rock and back down? After all didn't He make this mountain? Didn't He know before I was born that I would get myself into this situation? Didn't he create every little crack in this rock? And so, I stared at nothing but the granite in front of me. I put one foot infront of the other, and up I went. About halfway up to wear my friends were resting I saw Toby and got his attention.
****sidenote***** I firmly believe that God used Toby and Glen on that hike. The help they gave me was beyond chivalry. It was more like Saint-ism.***********
Toby came over and gave me a hand, and I followed each of his steps until we met our friends, who were all waiting for the cables eating sandwiches. There is a place at the top of the "stairs" that levels off. And then we had a 2hr wait, up superfreaking high, in order to go up the cables, which were even higher and more dangerous. We laughed and joked and inside I just prayed. I had prayed for stamina all the way up the mountain and now I was praying praise and love for my Savior that He was holding me. Thank You for allowing me to experience this. Help me to take it all in and feel You with me.
I prayed as I put my rubber gloves on. I prayed as I held myself up each step of the dome of "halfdome". I prayed as I sat on the top of halfdome and enjoyed all of his creation. Even after He had taken me to the top of this majestic place, I was still sitting in fear. Deciding that I would have to sell my house and make my new home at the top of this mountain because there was no way I could ever get down, the 5 of us said a prayer together at the top, and then we began the journey down. I feel like this was the first time I had ever connected physical fear, with the "Fear of God". This is what reverence means. This is what holy and mighty means. This mountain that was so huge for me and difficult to conquer...and yet it was God who even MADE this mountain...and it is nothing but a speck to Him.
I WAS scared going down. But it was more of a peaceful scared. I wasn't freaking out because I was trusting God with my steps. And we got down halfdome, and we got down the "stairs" into the clearing of trees. And all i wanted to do was cry. I held most of it back. But i was so emotional that God had just allowed to me to experience all of that mess with Him. And I loved the rest of the way down. Dont get me wrong, I did get a little cranky during the last 2 hours, after we had already been hiking for 12hrs, and it was getting dark, and the Mist trail we went down seemed to never end. But it was worth it to be so close to such an amazing waterfall. Hence providing the "mist" on the Mist Trail.
At the top we had all talked about how great a cold beer sounded. But by the time we got to the bottom and it was 9:30 at night, all I wanted was some water and my bed. The next few days gave me some achey muscles and ginormous blisters to heal. But it was all worth it. God had wanted me to be a part of this. And I love Him all the more for it.
