At this point you are probably wishing I would go on another adventure and write about THAT! Or, if you are my mother, you think I need pills from a doctor, or a dog to pour love into. And, thats fine. Think what you want. But I think everyone who goes through a breakup becomes a little crazy for a short time. Don't worry people, I am about to be insanely busy again, and then I won't have so much time to think about it. That will, in turn, produce healing and I'll move on.
Maybe I am a little too public, a little too dramatic with my feelings. But, it makes me feel better to get them out. I don't know how so many girls can perform so well as the "cool ex-girlfriend". You know, the girl that never says a word about the break-up, and then actually remains friends, buddies if you will, with the ex-boyfriend. A long time ago I used to think that was possible, but now I don't. Maybe if the relationship was for a very short time and each party did not deeply care for the other. Maybe then it could workout. But otherwise, I feel that one or both parties will always have some sort of feelings for the other. And it will always cut just a little bit to see your ex with someone new...that you inevitably compare yourself to.
Or, maybe I am a little crazy, with too low self-esteem, and regular people deal with break-ups differently. And, yes, I did throw a small tantrum on facebook. But I knew if I didn't say something public that would keep me OFF that site, then I would just continue to search his page for assumptions. And yes, I also realize there are alternatives.
"Why don't you just delete him as a friend?"...I could, but then I would also be deleting all of his friends, which could also be ok...but he has a public profile, so I could type in his name and look anytime I want regardless. So, pointless. I'd also like to think I'm not THAT immature. haha.
"Why don't you just delete your facebook account?" Believe you me, I have gone back and forth with that for a long time, even pre-break-up. I've already deleted my myspace, and twitter (that I never used). So let us make a pro's/con's list about facebook.
CON'S
*I can look at my ex's pages whenever I want and see what they're up to and long for what might have been.
*I can look at pictures of people doing adventurous things and become discontent with my own life.
*It's just another route to gossip.
*Guys out there, I can tell you first hand that I bet you are being STALKED by at least one girl somewhere and you don't even know it. I can't tell you how many of my girlfriends use the words "facebook stalked" in their regular vocabulary.
*It takes away physical relationships where people no longer talk to someone, they just leave cryptic status updates implying that something is wrong with them.
*It sucks HOURS AND HOURS away from my life. During the school year I look at it at work in my free-time, thereby making me less productive of a worker. And in the summer I actually get on my computer at home, and waste my life. ...I'm sure the rest of you only look at it to "check your messages". :)
HOWEVER, NOW the PRO'S
*I get to see pictures instantly of my beautiful nieces and nephew!
*I get to see videos of my friend stephanie in Peru.
*I get to stay updated with my friends Jane and Steve in India, and Ginny in Vietnam.
*My friend Gionata is traveling the world and Im sure has a a phone sometimes, but who's number changes regularly. With internet cafe's everywhere, facebook remains a constant.
*I get to read notes and articles from some of my friends who are extraordinary writers. The only reason I even thought of hitchiking in NZ, was because Aaron Bell wrote a good story about it. My friend and I decided to try it and now I have a story of my own.
*I get all kinds of information about things I'd like to try, from first hand accounts. "What mountain did you hike?" "How much did that cost?" "What website did you go through?" "What organization did you go with" etc...
*I get little unexpected emails and friend requests all the time from people I haven't talked to in years. And that makes me happy!
In conclusion, what do I do? I keep my facebook account and practice self-control. For the break-up situation, I believe I do need to stay off of facebook until I heal. Perhaps I should set some time restraints on myself that limit me to one day per week with it? I've thrown my tantrum, I've made my case. I have no rights to him anymore. I have no rights to know where he's going, or who he's seeing. And it's pretty clear he'd like me to feel every bit of that hurt since he knows i check his sites. Even though its not like I cheated or left him for someone else. I just simply knew it wasn't right. Hmmm maybe I'll blog on that later. I could do a whole dissection of the failings of my past relationships.
