A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true
Sometimes I feel trapped into the routine of nothing but work, like Cinderella. Where is the prince? The thing is, God doesn't promise me a man. Scripture never tells me that i WILL have a husband if i just be patient, or that i will live another 60yrs on Earth in health, wealth, and happiness. In fact, if you read carefully, it almost promises quite the opposite. To be honest, I kind of get sick of everyone saying complimentary things like, "Oh, you're a smart girl, you'll find someone". "Love comes along when you least expect it/quit thinking about it". "Your babies will be like this...". I'm tired of being patient. Most of the people who say these things have NOT been 28.5yrs old and single. And, I think we should stop neglecting the possibility that I just may end up single for the rest of my life! I mean it IS, a possibility.
And please don't tell me I "need to put myself out there". Don't tell me I need to go join a gym, or a volleyball league, or eharmony, or whatever because thats where you met YOUR husband. Because the truth is, I AM out there. I meet a LOT of people on a regular basis and i would not call myself a "shy" person. I met Nick when visiting my friend who worked in a biker bar right before going to australia for crying out loud. I met jeremy at a student counsel retreat, and luke at church camp. So, men are out there, and I am around them. But it never seems to be right.
And I apologize for another whining blog, but these feelings of mine usually come around once a month if you know what i mean. I get completely irrational and selfish, and how do I deal with those?? Running away. This strategy usually works for me. If I'm ever pissed off, then I'll drive around and cool down. If I'm sad, I take a trip to Austin or Winnsboro. I feel like I find most of my sanity in my travels. Its good to get away and get outside of the bubble i live in. However, sometimes running away doesn't actually heal or deal with anything. Sometimes it just postpones the inevitable.
So if you're interested in reading my whiny rampage, then continue...and if not, you should navigate away from this website right now.
First of all, I really miss Nick. Maybe I shouldnt. Maybe it should just be easy to put the past behind me and move on. But its not, its hard, he was really wonderful. And I love alayna and shasta but I would also love a boy to travel with. Correction, a boy im in love, with to travel with. If i watch one more romantic sunset with a chick Im going to implode.
My friend candace has been on this fantastic journey since she accepted a teaching position in Budapest and I get really jealous of her pictures. I've thought a lot about finding a teaching job abroad. This scares me because I have a really good position here, and available teaching jobs are as extinct as the Brontosaurus right now. So it would be a ginormous leap of faith to leave my house and job that I'm so settled into and expect those comforts to be there again in the future.
However, this amazing book i just finished called, "Radical" by David Platt makes me want to sell everything I own and give it to the poor like Jesus told us to.
Mo' money, Mo' problems. I can testify to that. I know I need to give my money away because life seemed almost easier when i lived on a strict budget and 3 jobs.
And, I know life IS short...I can't help but wonder if I really am making the most of it?
And I went wakeboarding yesterday, which was superfun...but today my body is achey and I feel too paralyzed to do anything productive. So here you are, some selfish humanistic ramblings from a snobby rich girl.
