Growth

It's amazing how you can go through life, and you think you are growing. Maybe you conquer a fear here, or survive a rough time there? Maybe you accomplish something really big, or take a giant step? And then...when you least expect it...something will come along and remind that you're no further from where you started. Some little instance happens...and suddenly you are sent back inside the body of the person you used to be--that you didn't like, that you've worked relentlessly to change and forget.

I put a lot of blame on my circumstances. I tend to think, "If I could only ______, then I would  _____". Insert whatever you want here. If I could only move away, then I would find myself. If I could only get out of coaching, then I would become a really great teacher. If I could only live on my own, then I would know how to make my own choices. If I could only get through one more year, then the world will be my oyster.

I tire of waiting. I tire of blaming. I could use a little guidance, Lord. I feel lost in a big pile of questions, and I could use some answers if You're listening.