Holidays can suck. Say what you want but that's my opinion. I'm sure an appropriate response to a holiday should look something like; me having my car packed headed straight for the fam the minute school gets out, fawning over all the little ones, and eating past my hearts content. That is the picture I am probably supposed to say overlooking a holiday, but that's not honest. Truth be told, I feel that holidays are every bit of a slap in the face that weddings, showers, and one yr. old birthday parties are. Speaking of showers, did you know that I will be part of NINE showers March-May, and hostessing FOUR of those. Breakin' my bank. Can't wait for all the conversations that start out, "When are you going to have one of these?", "So have you got a special someone?", "I'm sure he's just around the corner, as soon as you stop thinking about it he'll come along..." or my personal favorite, "WHEN you get married...". Call me self-centered, that's fine, but yes, just another time to slip into the fishbowl labeled, "I'M NOT MARRIED AND I'M CHILDLESS". Maybe I should sell t-shirts for the 1% of us to wear to holiday events. Doesn't sound lucrative.
I did something incredibly stupid yesterday, I...texted him. Tornadoes were seen south of here, he lives south of here...I was concerned. He responded. Don't worry, both of us are still alive, well, and separated. But, then I tried to start a conversation out of it, because that's what we women do, we manipulate better than any other population. He didn't respond. I feel dumb. Goo. Someone new on my radar sure would take the edge off. You know, someone other than Peeta, who I have to remind myself is in no way real, and therefore fictional and non-existent. Then I wouldn't have to think about baseball starting in two days and associate that with him. Then I wouldn't have to revert back to him every time someone questions my dating life. Then I wouldn't have to wonder if he was some kind of unfinished book. In fact, it would actually just be easier if all of my ex's would get married so that I can fully understand what "closed chapter" feels like. But waiting for him to come around and make a move has proved fruitless over the past 4 months so what the hell am I thinking? CLOSED chapter, Brown. Closed chapter. Let it go.
Yeah, I know, I know. Stop being so negative and bitter.
Positives beginning tomorrow at 4:25pm: Happy hour. Four days without work. Grades will be done for 3 weeks. Coaching for this school year is all over but the banquet. Finally get to practice with my new fancy camera that will one day give me a side business. I've tried running on the back roads around my parents house but get super creeped out by all the unchained orphan dog-mutt-wolfs around that I just came up with the idea of trail running! Over 50 acres it's probably a mile loop or so around the property, so I could run that, right? Trail running is better for balance than road running anyway. Just hope there are no wild pigs or any other sick wild thing waiting out there for a stupid city girl to come barreling through. Bridesmaid dress will be hunted. Gifts will be bought. House cleaning will get done. Movie watching will be had.
Can't believe I stayed up til 10:30pm.
5:20am will be here before I know it.
Night.
