Swimming Pools

I DID however, get to see Thao with the Get Down Stay Down. Here is one of her fun hits, "Swimming Pools". P.S. The Low Anthem has a new album out and is playing in Austin May 3rd. WHY ON A TUESDAY??? See this is why I should just live there. Should I take a day off and go see them? Hmm

Idols

A few weeks ago I was at dinner with a friend who reminded me of a blog I wrote a long time ago to the Man of My Dreams. I had begun writing an updated version of that letter to my "Dearest Hot guy that may or may not resemble Milo Ventimiglia...", in which I tried to be as witty as possible in begging the husband fairy for a man that's not a huge jerk. However, after some recent enlightenment...I did a rewrite.

You see, after almost a year without a date it would be easy to question my status on a scale of repulsiveness or something. It would be easy to cry, "Woe is me!" and spend the rest of my days wishing for a man who actually only exists in the realms of unicorns and hobbits. But then I heard my preacher talk about idolatry and idols, and somewhere in the world a light bulb turned on.

I look at people in Haiti and think they are absolutely nuts for having a "Fish Temple". I look at the little offerings the Hindus in Bali place outside their stores for the money god and feel pity for them. So maybe we don't have a ton of physical alters in the U.S., but don't we have plenty of our own silly idols?? YES we do. We bow down to the god of materialism so that we can all have bigger, better, awesome houses to fill with useless trinkets. We treat children like they run this place while putting our elderly in homes to be out of the way. We revolve our worlds around money, competition, sex, and selfish ambition. How silly all of this must seem to God?

So my preacher gave a list of questions to help narrow whatever idols you have in your own life. I've included this list at the bottom of this blog if you're interested. And I have found my biggest idol. Probably around the time I was in third grade with super good looking Matt Carmel...I started building this alter to the god of relationships. I would watch a lot of romantic comedies, spend a lot of time day dreaming, and hang on every word of relationship stories my friends had...in order to build up this alter brick by brick. And now that I'm 29, what I have is this huge monster of a platform in which I want to put a man on to worship. It doesn't matter how many horror stories I hear of divorce, and fighting, and hard times...in my head I think if I could just find a great guy to marry me, then somehow he could save me. All my problems would be solved and I could live happily ever after. It's the missing piece in my life. It's almost like I'm looking for a man to rescue me from having to spend the rest of my existence steeped in independence. Doesn't this all sound ridiculous?

I've even give this as advice before..."The only way to get over someone is to move on to the next one...". But do you know why that's true? Because I can't stop idolizing Nick and take him down off my alter until I have a new idol to worship in his place. If I take him down, then there is mere empty space left...and empty space is an extremely lonely place to live. I have let the idea of a committed relationship consume me, and blind me, and manipulate me in a way I didn't see coming.

I never realized before now that I do this to MY self. I'm not the victim of relationships gone bad, that needs to be pitied and coddled. No, I've chosen to make the idea of a relationship the treasure of my world. But, the truth is, no man can save me. No job can save me. No pretty house can save me. Only Jesus can save me. I can not expect perfection in a man when I have none to offer myself. I have to stop creating this relationship in my mind that will turn my life into a movie. I realize I am no cupcake, so whoever does end up with me, IF I end up with anyone that is...well I have to understand there will be conflict and imperfections...and it might even lead to a new set of idols. Let's say I do marry a great guy...then I will want children...then I will want a great place to live...a great job...etc... It's the hamster wheel of trying to satisfy self that will never work.

And looky here what I just HAPPENED to be reading during our daily silent reading time at school...excerpts from The Reason for God...

No human relationship can bear this burden of godhood...If your partner is your "All" then any shortcoming in him becomes a major threat to you...What is it that we want to be rid of...our feeling of nothingness...to know our existence has not been in vain. We want redemption--nothing less. Needless to say, humans cannot give this. -Becker

If anything threatens your identity you will not just be anxious, but paralyzed with fear. If you lose your identity through the failings of someone else you will not just be resentful, but locked into bitterness. If you lose it through your own failings, you will hate or despise yourself as a failure as long as you live. Only if your identity is built on God and His love, says Kierkegaard, can you have a self that can venture anything, face anything. -Keller



It's nice to have some clarity. But now what to do with this new found knowledge? In discussion of all this revelation with a close friend, her answer was, "Now you pursue God, with everything you have". I'm not saying my days of being sad in my singleness are over...but at least now I can recognize that sadness for what it truly is, and place blame where it is deserved. I am also not saying that I don't want a man...because a man would be awesome...but now I can recognize that he will never be anything more than that...just a man. Hopefully he will also be my best friend and a father to our children...but with all of his faults and flaws included that were never meant to have the capacity to complete me the way that God is supposed to.

Fifteen questions on uncovering idolatry in your life


What are you most afraid of?


What do you long for most passionately?


Where do you run for comfort?


What do you complain about most?


What angers you most?


What makes you happiest?


How do you define yourself to people?


What has caused you to be angry with God?


What do you brag about?


What one thing do you want the most ?


What do you sacrifice for? (sacrifice = worship)


If you change one thing in your life, what would it be?


Who’s approval are you seeking? 


What do you want to control or master?


What would your friends say you talk about most?

The Civil Wars

Almost got to see this band at South By Southwest. I know they are gaining popularity so we even showed up early to stand in line. But unfortunately, it was bracelets only. Maybe I should get a bracelet next time! Enjoy.

Spring Break 2k11

What does "South By Southwest" mean anyway? Texas is south...and central...and the bands/films come from all over the world...I don't get it. But whatever it means, I had a GREAT time on spring break in Austin. I love that city, I hope I'm not too old to move there. It IS such a college town. But the river and hills are so beautiful, and I love that the night scene seems to mostly be in one central area.

I got to see a few films and hear a few bands. Some bands I couldn't get into without a bracelet, but overall I loved they experience. Probably my FAVORITE show was "Thao with the Get Down Stay Down". That girl was SO cool. Not only did I love her music, but here hair is cool, her dress was cool, her electric guitar was cool, her band was cool. Man, I'd give anything to be a rock star. What a fun job.

I got snow cones, lots of good food, lots of good wine...and more importantly, I finally got to see LITERALLY everyone I know who lives in Austin. I really don't think I missed anyone. Usually when I make a weekend trip to Austin, its usually for a purpose, with a few people and that entail makes me miss out on seeing several other people, but being there a whole week allowed me enough free time to catch up with friends old and new. I love all of them so much.

In other news, Operation Lose Ten Pounds begins tomorrow. It's time to face the facts folks. My body is 29 years old. She doesn't metabolize the way she used to. I used to have way better arms, abs, and thighs when I was a personal trainer. I also used to be able to eat whatever I wanted. Those days are gone though so now I have to try. So starting tomorrow:
- only ONE sweet per day. Keep a conscious eye on my calories without writing things down like a crazy person (after majoring/working in this stuff, i can eyeball how many calories i need/have).
-workout as often as possible. I actually DO enjoy it if I can get past the lethargy of changing clothes and thereby reducing my stress level.
-ride my bike a lot now that I got it all tuned up with new inner tubes!

My reasons for renewing this discipline are 3 fold;
#1...I'm vain and I want my clothes to fit well.
#2...I just realized I'm in a wedding in about 12 weeks.
#3...This lady who calculated my body fat with calipers told me I have 20% body fat, and most of it is in my thighs. Awesome. Thanks for the inherited pear-shape, Rutherford side of the family.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is on!!! Better go watch this episode before bedtime!

Newton and Negativity

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad consider: God has made the one as well as the other." Ecclesiastes 7:14

Have you heard the term "Feast or Famine"? Why is it that everything can go your way all at once, or NOTHING can all at the same time? I have had three guys chasing me at once, and then a drout for the last year. I've lived with a lot of money, and also lived paycheck to paycheck putting things back at the grocery store. My calendar has faced several plans forcing erasing and cancelling all on the same day, while also holding useless weekends of laying around being lazy.

The last 2-3 weeks have been extremely busy. I've literally had each day from the time I wake up until bedtime scheduled for the past 3 weeks, and this week will make #4. Maybe that's why I feel up to my neck in stress. Can't wait for the break of spring.

But on top of being busy, I've just had a lot of mini-disasters going on. I won't go into all the details, because on the list includes more than one friend telling me how negative I am...but let's just say...the line at the front of my head has been, "What's next?" Seriously, what ELSE could go wrong this week? So I won't raindown my little black rain cloud upon you...but let me just take a minute to attempt to explain my negativity before I move on.

It's not like I ENJOY being a negative person. And truly, I wouldn't call myself so much negative as I am cynical. And skeptic. I'm very wary of people who never get mad, or sad, or lose their temper. Seems like a fake human to NOT feel those emotions on a regular basis. But at the same time...I could let a lot more in my life go. I could definitely keep my mouth shut more often. And I heard a quote one time about how hate temporarily places you in the ranks with the insane. Sometimes I just have trouble seeing the brightside. Sometimes I'm seeking consolation, wisdom, or validation when I complain. I suppose if I would take a breath, and step back to look at the big picture before opening my mouth...I might not come across so "negative". But if you know me, you know I wear my heart on my sleeve...people rarely have trouble identifying my feelings.

Moving on.

So I had to do a quick research project this week on Isaac Newton so that I would have an example ready for the class. Now just so you know, I only "researched" him for about 30mins so if you have more information...well that's because you, have more information than me. But I thought it interesting that Isaac Newton was so religious. Who knew? In fact, they say he wrote more on Biblical Hermeanutics than he ever did on math and science, yet that is what he's known for. And our modern age loves to keep science and relgion separate. As if it would be impossible for the two to be friends.

I think that idea is a little silly. I showed a video about the Big Bang theory the other day that I had to watch 4 times. I've always thought that the "Big Bang" theory was the devil and completely goes against Biblical teaching. However, do you know what I learned from watching that video four times in a row? The Big Bang theory is basically trying to scientifically say that the universe was formed in an instant. Couldn't God speaking be that very same instant? The video went on to talk about how everything in the universe is set in a specific place with specific speeds and if any of these were to change in the slightest, there would be disaster. Doesnt that sound like God, once again calculating everything so inexplicably specific that only He could be a logical explanation for it all?

"Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who set the planets in motion. God governs all things and knows all that is or can be done."---Isaac Newton

"Such a wonderful uniformity in the planetary system must be allowed the effect of choice". --Isaac Newton

I'm also still reading this book called, "The Reason for God" by Time Keller. And I just happened to have just finished the science portion...strange?

"Even though the concept of warfare between science and religion still has much popular credence, we should disabuse ourselves the notion that we have to choose between the two, or that if you want to be a Christian you will have to be in conflict with science. A majority of scientists consider themselves deeply or moderately religious."--Tim Keller

"For the record I think God guided some kind of process of natural selection, and yet I reject the concept of evolution as an All-encompassing Theory. One commentator on Genesis captures this balance well:

If "evolution" is...elevated to the status of a world-view of the way things are, then there is direct conflict with Biblical faith. But if "evolution" remains at the level of scientific biological hypothesis, it would seem that there is little reason for conflict between the implications of Christian belief in the Creator and the scientific explorations of the way which--at the level of biology--God has gone about his creating processes.

Couldn't it be that we are just slowly making discoveries about how God made things? While having a discussion about all of this with the 8th graders in my classroom, one of them raised his hand and said it perfectly I think. He said, "Science just explains how God made it."