29

Aaaand...now I'm 29. It would be terribly easy for me to get uber depressed about this number, being the last year of my twenties and all. Some of my friends have had their second kid already and I'm still as single as a dollar bill. I'm getting older and have done some fun things, but I can also get overwhelmed at all I HAVEN'T done by now, at this point in my life. However, when I was writing in my journal this morning something hit me. God has given me twenty nine whole years of a good life on this Earth, and here I am whining about what I don't have. I should be grateful to have made it this far. I should be grateful for the position He has put me in where my possibilities are seemingly endless. And, Lord...I am grateful.

So to celebrate the big 29, we actually did it ON December 28th this year. Sometimes, in the past we've celebrated it on other days to accommodate every one's holiday schedule...but my personal opinion is that is kind of dumb. We took the dart rail from the Frankford Station all the way to Deep Ellum and it was awesome. It took like 6 hours to get down there, but i really appreciated not having to drive and find parking in the rain. I will be using our new public transit more often, especially when the Garden Ridge station opens. Dart has stations right in front of Victory Park, and the West End, etc... This is definitely the way to go for Mavs games and such! And, it was only $4. Compare that to gas prices, and $10-20 parking and this is a much better deal.

We took the train down to Deep Ellum and only had to walk about a block to the Anvil Pub. This place just opened but I love it. Its got a dark, wooden, pub kind of atmosphere that I like with a really great soundtrack playing all the time. But the music isn't so loud that you can't hear your conversation. My sweet friends Teal, Michael, and Nikita came out for dinner! :)

 Shast and I had a lot of fun on the train. For some reason, we think its hilarious that the lady that comes over the speaker on the trains takes a long pause when she says, "This is the..........................green line". Like she forgot or something. (yes I know its a recording) But it was fun and reminiscent of all our train rides together in Oz. FYI, My eyes are forever extra squints in pictures now because my camera has 8 billion flashes before it actually takes a picture.

 A little later my brother showed up!!! I love hanging out with him in a different atmosphere than family. It's just kind of fun to realize we're both normal people with friends and outings. And the other guy in this picture is J.D. ...my...cousin? Sort of? I don't know. We're related by Angie.

 Shasta made me a cake! This was so nice. Some years I don't get cakes based on traveling situations or whatever. Since my birthday is at such an awkward time of year, I've just never really felt like birthdays were a big deal. So it's no big deal for me to not have parties or presents and things. But I'll tell ya...on the occasion that I DO get parties and cakes and presents...it feels really great. Even getting postings on my facebook makes me feel loved, isn't that silly?

When we got home Shasta put candles on the cake, and sang me happy birthday. She says, "what are you going to wish for?" as I filled my cheeks with air and closed my eyes, just about to blow out my candles when she says, "...world peace". It was hilarious. I guess you had to be there.

THEN, LAST night, on the 29th, my other roomie got home and Ashley came over for dinner. I love those girls. We had a great time eating together and talking. And she had brought ANOTHER cake and candles...awesome. And I had yet another realization as I was about to go for my second round of candles.

I like to put birthday candle wishes in with the likes of: catching bouquets at weddings, throwing coins in fountains, wishing on falling stars, and wearing the same socks to every softball game. In other words, its a fun thing to do, and in that moment you may even believe it has some sort of superstitious power...but then when the wish doesn't come true...you realize it was nothing more than superstition. Year after year, if I have a cake and candles, I think I usually spend my wish thinking about my dream man. But this year was different. This year I wished for contentment. I wished to soak up and remember every minute of that evening.

At 29 I've decided catching bouquets and wishing for men on birthday candles is a little ridiculous. I kind of feel like the world of men has had 29 years to get to know me, and decide if I'm a suitable helper or not. You either know or you don't at this point. And the couple of guys that were ever close to near the edge of proposal...well I botched those up somehow. So, I've decided 29 is the end of wishing and hoping and living "in waiting". God knows the desires of my heart, and He also knows what's best for me. So now I wish to be content. I wish for God to reveal to me constantly the secret of being content in all things, which is Christ alone. Philippians 4:12, 13

¹²I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and^(S) hunger, abundance and^(T) need. ¹³I can do all things^(U) through Him who strengthens me.

God has not promised me a husband, or health, or wealth, or happiness, or tomorrow, or success, or fame. God has only promised me Himself, that He'll walk with me in this life, living in joy for the next one, the better one.

Machines that get from A to B

When I was 16 my dad graciously bought me a '93 Mitsubishi Eclipse for $8000. I don't remember that thing having very many problems, and I drove it for 7 years until it died. When I graduated college I bought a used 2003 Saturn Vue for $13000. Over the last 5 years of ownership, I've put at minimum $3000 of "fixing" into that piece of crap and then it finally died, unexpectedly, this past Tuesday...so its sort of like I bought it for $16000 if you look at it that way. So now I have to car shop again. Some people like this sort of thing, but I don't. Most purchases, especially major ones, stress me out. We're talking about giving up a huge chunk of my hard earned money, for a necessity based on where I live...but I'd much rather spend that money on a trip or something. I would also prefer to not have to pay for electricity and taxes while we're at it.

So I've rented a car until Monday, to have the weekend to decide how to remedy my situation. Here are my options.

I could:

A) Move to a wonderful place like Australia that has public transport where I don't need a car
(but I happen to like my job and must at least finish out the year)

B) Buy a cheap used car that has lots of miles on it and will put me directly back into this same dilemma sooner than I would like
(but my Saturn experience has turned my blood into molten magma at the moment for used cars)

C) Buy a new Honda. Because Honda's are supposed to last forever and there are some pretty affordable deals out there on new cars at this time of year and in this economy.
(I swore to myself a long time ago that I would never buy a new car because that is what yuppies do...and I sir/madam am NO yuppie)

So the best options that I could find on my teeny, tiny schedule...over the CHRISTMAS holiday are the following:

Introducing the Honda Fit.

It's supposed to get 28/33 miles per gallon.

It's cheaper.

More room in there than you think, my 6'2 bro was comfortable in the back seat.

Only been on the market since 2007.

Has some kind of extra sport gear that I don't care about.

No sunroof. :( 

(I love sunroofs and use them often. I would drive a station wagon with wood trim if it had a sunroof and good transmission/gas mileage)

OR the Honda CRV.

It's supposed to get 21/28 miles per gallon.

Its a little more expensive.

I have friends with this car who love it.

They've been around for like 10 years with good reviews.

Sunroof. :)

SIX disc CD changer. (not necessary...but Awesome.)



So what to do friends? Looking at these pictures, I think the Fit looks more fun...but that might be because its shown here in red vs. the gray, which is more aesthetically pleasing. But both of these vehicles are available in black which is what I would like. I fully intend to drive whichever of these until it dies...because that's what I do...I take cars in like puppies and play with them for as many years as they have left in them. Perhaps I am known as the black widow to cars, and they shutter in fear when I roll on to a lot? Or maybe its more of a rescue situation. Like, "Thanks for taking me out of this parking lot where I sit all day and drive the same stretch of highway when teenagers stop by". Well cars, you're welcome. Now which one of you wants to go home with mama?

Hostel de Carisse y Shast

When I was making the decision as to what house to buy, I asked God if we could move into a place that would better house people that came to stay with us, than our tiny little addison apartment. He provided...and the last week and a half has proven that.

In college there were 7 of us girls that were besties...and no matter how far away people move, or the different places we're at in our lives...we're still best friends. I feel like I remember who I am, what I'm about, and my purpose in life seems to have a little more clarity around my girls. We've had plans for a while to all reunite this past weekend, and we had a fantastic time!

It all started when our 8th girlfriend, Tobias, got a job in Dallas and got to hang out with us a week prior to girls weekend! We finished the Sing Off, ate food that was bad for us, and laughed a lot! Jane and Ginny came Saturday night, Jess came Sunday and we met up with Rebekah and Micah at her new house! Did I mention Mikey is also ENGAGED! SOOO excited for her. We love Justin, welcome to our family! We went to church together...which was awesome because I remember what it felt like to sit in that church all by myself just 3 years ago. We caught up, we laughed, we played with Jess and Rebekah's babies, we ate, we chilled. I LOVE those girls, what a blessing. This is Shast and her nephew, isn't he cute?!!!

And just after we took Toby and Jane to the airport Tuesday, my bro and his family came in that night. They are SO sweet. Thankful to God for His timing...he let me get the Burges to the airport, on time, with no car problems, and just a couple hours later I tried going to the grocery store, got about a block and a half and then the Saturn transmission died forever. Stupid saturn. No wonder they shut down. So my sweet brother was nice enough to go car shopping with me yesterday to help me narrow my choices. So far, people have treated me like a customer with my brother by my side....and like a clueless 16yr. old when car browsing by myself.

R.I.P. Saturn...we've been through a lot of ups and downs together...

 

I got to spend some time at Kids Castle with my beautiful and ENERGETIC nieces, cook some real meals, and looking forward to seeing everyone at Christmas. I guess if I'm going to make photography a real hobby...then I need to actually start carrying my camera and taking pictures. I can't believe I didn't get any pics of ALL of us girls together this past weekend!!! But here's a few of my cutie pie nieces.

I think Hay looks like the godfather here....

"You talkin ta me?"

 "Yeah, you. ...You talkin ta me?"

Voluntarily trapped between her mommy's legs was a funny moment.

 ...that I actually caught on camera...

And then there's my pretty, pretty, princess...when we were playing on the swings at the park she leaned back at one point and said, "Auntie Carisse, I just love you so much." ...and thats when I melted like a vat of butter...and they had to scoop me up off the playground to get me home.

"Take a picture of meeee."

...and my favorite picture of all...

baby's so cuuuuute...

Making a decision monday morning on a new car. Praying God will lead me to what I need.

In other news, I finally finished the Hobbit that I started back in August. 300 pages. All at home on the shitter. Just started the Fellowship of the Ring today!

Drawrings

You would think the twenty minutes left AFTER everyone in the classroom has finished their semester exam is equal to one billion years. I've decided it's not a great idea to just tell kids to hang out with each other...because eighth graders have the attention span of a gnat and I need to remember that if I don't want to hear, "Miss I'm SOOOOO bored!", every three minutes...then I need to come up with some sort of quiet game to keep them entertained.

However, I have two girls in one of my classes who are capable of occupying themselves, and content to chat and doodle. Therefore, I shall award their creative artwork with a display on my beloved blog...that they will never see...because they are students and have no knowledge of my life outside that classroom.

This is a picture of me if I were a robot. I have no idea...we've not studied robots...but come to think of it, my nephew was talking about robots a lot at Thanksgiving...I suppose robots are the hip thing right now and am going to assume this drawing is a compliment? I know its me because in the bottom right corner there is a caption that reads, "thats you" with an arrow pointing to the character.You'll notice a scarf around my neck because I am perpetually cold and have worn a scarf, all day every day since outside temps have dropped below seventy degrees...while the kids continue to wear shorts. They drew a heart on the left side of my chest, which was sweet...I'm hoping that's because they know I love them, and not because of that one time I thought I was having heart palpatations in the middle of teaching. My glasses are square shaped and apparently my hair is thinning and shorter than I thought. My legs are stick thin, which is sweet, but I'm more concerned about the shape of my rectangular torso...my figure is definitely not what it used to be!

Love my kids!


[P.S. I've decided not to write any more about my personal drama with Nick. I'm certain you all are bored to tears of hearing about it anyway. He's really done nothing wrong, and probably doesn't deserve my persecution. I miss him...terribly...but we've made our choices and it is what it is. I do wish him well, and I still pray for him everyday. I hope he is happy and life is going great. I thought my life was over when Luke and I broke up and now we've ended up being friends. Who knows, perhaps Nick and I can do the same...after a little more crazy ex-girlfriend recovery on my end :) ]

The Sing Off!

Creep by Radiohead

Delete.

So I've been considering the idea of deleting my facebook. I have TWO friends who have taken the plunge to delete their facebook just in the last week. This is a super difficult decision though so here is my list of the pros and cons of facebook:

PROS
*Keeps me in touch with:
people from Australia and Haiti, kids I interned for, people I used to be close to that now live everywhere but here.

*Random encouragements from random people

*Allows me an easy and convenient way to send a little post-it to someone, like, "hey girl thanks for eating your weight in ice cream last night and crying your way through Steel Magnolias with me when i know you had better things to do!"...but facebook is public so I condense that to, "hey friend, thanks!"

*It's a sneaky way to get the inside scoop on a person I just met

*I can advertise anything that needs advertising, like if I were to start a business, or to need to buy or sell something, through the avenue of people I know.

*I can get free and quick advice from someone I know, whom I may have forgotten was a reliable source

*It's the most convenient way to invite people to a party, or be invited

*I've actually met a couple of people through facebook because they knew a friend of a friend and needed a place to stay or something

*It's a social norm these days just like everyone having their own cell phone, would I be an outcast without it? I mean I already am still without an ipod or the Internet attached to my phone, so do i really want to go full cave woman and cut this out too?

*I get to see current pictures of my little nieces almost daily because their parents are so good about posting them!

*I love taking pictures and sharing them. And I LOVE comments, getting to hear peoples reactions to those pictures.

*It's like reading People magazine about people I actually know.


CONS
-I'm addicted to it. Every time I get on a computer I check my hotmail, then my facebook, THEN I get to whatever reason I got on a computer in the first place. I don't like the feeling of addiction...to anything.

-I spend way too much time on it. How much more productive would I be if I didn't have it? Especially at work...

-What if I don't want to be your friend you weirdo? But it's polite that I accept your request to stalk me.

-I constantly get friend requests from my kiddos from school, and I feel like a huge jerk when I say no, and they don't understand that they are little walking lawsuits waiting to happen.

-What if the wrong person sees a picture of me with a beer in my hand and that causes them to somehow stumble or think I'm some sort of lush...when in reality I'm a ginormous featherweight that regulars about 2 drinks/week, if that.

-I think it robs people nowadays of GENUINE intimacy and friendship...I.E. you feel like your really close to someone because you look at their profile a lot, when in reality you haven't even spoken to them in years.

-I don't want to see that my ex-boyfriend just "checked in" some place with his new flavor of the month every 3 minutes. (though his deletion helped to nip that in the bud)

-It's a very vain concept that I feed into, putting pictures and things of myself on my page to somehow try and look as cool as possible

-Old people are now on it, and co-workers, whoever else I could possibly face scrutiny from...for example: when jesting among friends I might use a phrase like "kick some ass", but now that my mom and her friends are on facebook, I'm inclined to use a phrase less strong like "kick some booty"...which would in turn give my comment less umph!

-It unknowingly easily offends people, like if you don't reply fast enough, or don't comment here or there, or didn't notice this or that, etc...you might hear someone say, "well i posted that yesterday didn't you see??!!!!"...um no, I'm not working my way through every meal with a phone in my hand.

-Facebook keeps getting more and more exposing. In the beginning you had more control over what people saw, now everyone sees business all the time.

-I have the potential to create unwanted jealousy from girls who may be interested in a male friend of mine...so when I post a phrase like, "lets have dinner", on my side I'm thinking, "hooray i can't wait to catch up with my old buddy from childhood who is a nonsexual being to me because I was in his life pre-puberty"...and that girl might be thinking, "where is my knife?"

-Facebook changes their layout like every 60 days, and its annoying, and each new page is worse than the last.

-I don't like the separate levels of meaning that it holds for everyone, some people get real offended at the slightest comment or slack in response time...while others don't even check their facebook...ever.

-I can't stand cryptic status updates that say things like, "Some people are just [insert adjective]." And then I think, are they talking about me? Because we did just get into a fight so maybe they are talking about me? Should I ask them about it? If you've got something to say, say it to my face!

-It's like this super-big bitch move if you delete someone...even though you may have only met them one time, at some random event, and they tend to post things you don't care about. Or perhaps it's simply a healthy decision for me to delete certain people.



Perhaps I just need to figure out some self-control in this matter? Perhaps it is me who needs changing rather than just cutting off that hand? Perhaps I'll just take a break and reassess the situation much later?

My photography business needs a clever name.

When I was in high school I really wanted to take a photography class my senior year...but I was told I was too late and apparently I was supposed to have camped outside the sign up door the night before in order to get in. Fail.

In college as a freshman meeting with my advisor, right away when asked what I'd like to take for my art credit I said, "Photography please! Its my dream!". My advisor sounded like this was no problem so you can imagine my glee. Only later he came back and said, "sorry...ONLY communications majors get to take photography". Fail.

At some point I inherited my brother's old Pentax and began playing around with that. But it wasn't digital. A) Get with the times, and B) I didn't have money to play around with a hobby too much.

After college I finally bought myself a little digital Kodak camera so I would have something to capture my VERY FIRST time to California when I went to stay with Jane and Toby. That was in October 2006. I have no idea why I remember that. It cost $100 and I had to teach 4 extra spin classes that month in order to buy it.I loved it, that thing works awesome. Probably better than the Olympus I have now!

The problem with being a self-taught anything is that you need motivation...and in this particular hobby-case...a bit of money. So now I'm finally about to get my wish! I got myself 8 photography lessons for my birthday present to myself starting in January! I CANNOT WAIT!

Its just a regular digital camera class so I don't need to go buy a DSLR...yet. AND they teach you about Photo-shop and how to improve your pictures. Let's just face it...I enjoy being taught. Perhaps there's an element in there as to why I also enjoy teaching. I'm not a risk-taker when it comes to fooling around with expensive equipment...I'd rather know what I'm doing, and why and how, first. So I've got a beginner class, that will hopefully open the door for workshops and intern type things.

The above picture is some work from this girl in Louisiana, Kelly Moore. I LOVE her work. I stumbled upon her on face book one day. Once I find photographers, of any kind, on face book...I can spend hours just looking at their work.

I feel like I see pictures in my mind's eye all the time...but I'm frustrated that I can't work my contraption well enough to get that image out of my head and into a matted frame. Who knows? Perhaps I will be awful at this? I'm definitely not about to quit my day job...but if I'm good at this...it could be a perfect side business with all the time off teaching allows me.

Just another dream I'd like to see come true.

Don't Drop Your Arms

We had a guest speaker at church this morning. And he had a great quote to the best of my memory.

"God will take you where you did not intend to go, in order to produce in you, what you could not achieve on your own."

I like that. Beginning New Year's Resolutions early.