Playground

I saw this film a few weeks ago that was incredibly intense. In fact, it was so intense that I haven't been able to figure out how to react to it. I have no idea what my first step should be. I feel helpless and overwhelmed. I feel like I want to buy a mansion so that all of my students can come live with me rather than going home to some of their shitty lives. Though I have no personal experience with this stuff, I am aware that sexual abuse is alive and present. I understand that my stresses are insignificant compared to some in my city, and possibly even my neighborhood. I understand that I've had a really easy life.

What I wasn't aware of before the screening of this movie...was the volume of this violence. I thought "human trafficking" was just something that happened overseas in third world countries with no money. I've cried with friends over their stories of sexual abuse as a kid, and they seem fine, so my ignorant mind assumes that's how most cases in America go. Then, I hear on the news once in a while, a story so horrific you think the likes of that couldn't possibly happen more often than once in a while...because how many SICK and twisted people can their actually be in the world?? I'm finding out more and more, that its possible that the bad guys are outnumbering the good.

Judgement is easy when you've had smooth sails yourself. How could a woman be so primitive as to even consider prostitution? Why can't she go get an office job like everyone else? Why do people even try drugs in the first place? Didn't they hear the same "Just Say No" campaigns that I did? How low does your self-respect have to be to agree to become a stripper? ...Well friends, I have been ignorant and blind. Forgive me. Things are not always black and white. Situations are not always that simple. So try these questions instead....

What if I'm 9yrs. old and the only way to get my mommy to spend time with me is if I get high with her? What if someone in my family lined up appointments for men to sleep with me so they could have money? What if my mom is arrested and I move to a foster home with a sexual predator waiting for me? What if my uncle beats me if I don't agree to sex? What if any of these actions lead to a 14yr. old pregnancy? What if I've been raped so many times that even when I'm 18 I don't understand that is NOT a normal way for men to treat me?

Kind of puts things in perspective doesn't it? Maybe it would be a lot harder to pass class, get a diploma and be strong enough to put myself through college? Much less, interview for a respectable job? I worry about my kids. I worry about how some of them are treated at home and they have no advocate, too scared to use their voice. How do I recognize symptoms of that home life? What do I do about it?

I remain overwhelmed at the evil that lives...even here in our own backyard. And God, how do You explain this?

http://www.playgroundproject.com/



Faces

I've been browsing through old pictures since beginning photography class, and analyzing them with all my new found knowledge. Throughout this perusing, I noticed that my face is conditioned only to portray a few faces. You see, when asked to pose for a picture, I get socially awkward...especially when notorious post-that-very-night-facebookers take my picture...I'm so very UNphotogenic that when the panic sets in...well you are sure to witness one of the following:

The first has become a signature, the "SMILE AS HARD AS YOU CAN" face. I first happened upon this face once in college while looking completely rough with no makeup and probably a few days sans showering. If you smile hard enough, the picture becomes an attempt at comedy, thus making the viewer forgetful of all possible eye baggage, acne, and hair grease.

I make my friends do this face...

 This face especially works when the sun is beating your retinas...

Like Auntie, like Niecey...

Sometimes friends choose not to participate in the special face pose...

And, sometimes friends are too cool to join in with the face...



Perhaps true friends wouldn't allow this stupid face in the first place!!!

Though there is speculation that the signature face has helped me pick up guys.

Speaking of guys...wanna see what happens when I'm asked to take a picture next to a man? Any male really. Doesn't even matter if I'm interested in them or not. Scientists speculate this kind of behavior may be the key influence to my current single-as-a-dollar-bill status. I call this, "PERHAPS A SIMPLE SMILE WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE APPROPRIATE". Scaring men away around the world, without further adieu...

Chefs...

Besties...

 Reunions...

Breakfast...



And we wonder why I don't have a boyfriend. This last section is titled, "WHAT WAS I THINKING AND WHY IS IT NOT DELETED?"

What happens if I put the camera here?...

"Let's see your Chicago for Dummies face"...

Overdramatic plastic glass malfunction...

This is how I take a break...

I think the "moose" began at a St.Patricks Day parade. I have no idea why...

Why wouldn't I make the same face as the statue?



Peanut.

I listen to this on repeat a lot.

"Tween"

My latest bathroom edition.

"Frodo was in his tweens as hobbits called the irresponsible twenties between childhood and the coming of age at thirty-three."

So THAT'S what my problem is. Maybe I'm just still in my "tweens" and I'll finally come of age in about 4 more years. ugh.

Also, I saw, "The Fighter" yesterday. It was SOOO good. Christian Bale is such a great actor! And Mark Wahlberg is hot...especially as a boxer.





Also, the theme song for this movie just happens to be what I have as my blog title. "How you like me now" is a song by The Heavy. I first heard it in the Kia Sol commercial. I now think those cars are officially cooler solely based on that song.



59-2

The record for my 7th graders this season is 0-4. The score from our last losing game was 59-2. Did you hear that? FIFTY-NINE to TWO!!! Who loses by 57 points? And the opposing coach had the cojones to play her first string for the entire 4th quarter. Has she taught her kids humility and class? Apparently not while they blew bubbles, smacking their gum, jogging up and down the court, slapping basketballs out of my girls hands because they have at minimum a foot and a half of height on us. I've never wanted to punch 12yr. olds so much as I did Thursday night.

Kids don't realize this, but I think losing is even harder on the coaches. I'm so helpless there on the sidelines. They get panicky and don't remember where to go, they can't hear me on the sidelines, there isn't enough time to kinetically re-explain the plays. I can't go out on to the court myself with my 5'7 stature and help them out. And so not only did we lose, but we were humiliated.

I don't want to get in trouble with my job, but if I ever leave this district I intend to send a letter to our athletics department telling them how stupid I think it is that we play so many games with an affluent school district. Supposedly it makes us "better" to play against them. Well have you ever had to coach the UN-affluent side? It doesn't make them better, it kills their morale. Some of them already feel like losers because they struggle with their grades...which probably has a lot to do with school being taught in their second language...they have problems out of their control at home....some of those problems carry weight that should never be put on a twelve year old...and now you want them to pick up a basketball for literally the first time in their lives and play a game against another set of girls whose parents have paid for them to play on select basketball teams since they were 4yrs. old?? Are you retarded???

Perhaps I should go ahead and send an anonymous letter, perhaps pretending to be a parent since I have no voice as an employee. Should we play in tournaments against girls who are really good? Sure. Should we play two or three games per season with that affluent district? Absolutely, they need to know what they'll be up against in high school. But, should we play the majority of our games against teams who will not only beat us...but will humiliate us in the process? I say no. I say you get off your idealistic high horse and come down to the trenches and get involved in the lives of these kids and then tell me if it actually "makes them better". I can tell you from experience...it makes them want to quit. Sometimes I can understand why kids turn to drugs and gangs...it's an easy way for them to feel like big shots.

Timothy Keller

I'm really enjoying this book that Jane let me borrow. I'm taking notes it's so good. Here's a snippet...

"I realized that my achievements were untimely satisfying, the approval of man is fleeting, that a carpe diem life lived solely for adventure is just a form of narcissism and idolatry. And so I became a believer in Christ."

What rhymes with 2011?

Happy New Year 2011!!! For the last three years I have spent New Year's Eve with the lovely Melanie and Alayna. I think it just began with us all wanting to get out of here for NYE and try some place else. What a joy this tradition has become! 2009 we went to Chicago, and through quite a random story, we met a one Kyle Wheeler, connected through Aaron Bell. Last year, we were Kyle-less, but had a great time in Albuquerque, NM visiting Lynn and baby Chase, and learning how to exit ski-lifts. THIS year we decided to keep it short, sweet, and cheap. Kyle lives in Austin now, so we held a NYE reunion there...especially since Darby and Randy already live there too! Could NYE be as fun if we were in a city we had already been to? ABSOLUTELY it could.

We got there Thursday night, and went to a fantastic dinner at Clay's duplex with Darby, Randy, and friends! Clay cooked a wonderful meal for us, there was a talent show, Apples to Apples, Catchphrase...I had so much fun. Then we went to Kyles and jumped on his trampoline until 3am before crashing. Kyle has the funnest house ever. In their front yard they have a trampoline, a swing built for two, 3 hammocks, a chiminea, grill and picnic tables. I've heard they even have movies outdoors sometimes when Aaron brings a projector home! I think I too need to shop on craigslist for my own outdoor playground!

Kyle is such a thoughtful host. Sometimes I think men are just THAT different from women in that their brain's don't work the same as ours...but then you meet someone like Kyle and faith is restored. When we got to his house he had all of our bed's already made up for us, towels laid out, and he had bought breakfast the next morning (which he also cooked for us). He was constantly checking on our comfort and making sure we had everything we wanted. We love him!

We woke up Friday ready to "hike" Mt.Bonnell. I guess I was expecting some kind of 30 minute minimum hike? It was actually only about a 3 minute flight of stairs. Boo.

 My new friend McKissick met up with us and I hope we didn't scare him off with our twisted humor! We also to played around the 360 bridge for a bit. I have GOT to get over my fear of heights someday. We ate lunch at Hopdoddy? A really great burger place, took a rest in Kyles hammocks, and then got cleaned up and dolled up for the big NYE.

Buenos Aires Cafe is where Kyle works, so we went and had a delicious and fancy dinner there. He even had a little personalized reservation card set on our table. Aww. Then we met up with Darby, Randy and Clay at Opa to ring in the New Year. Austin was really packed downtown, so Opa was perfect for being slightly removed from all of that.

 Yes, yes we DID wear the Happy New Year tiaras for the ENTIRE December 31st and January 1st.

 After Opa, we ended up at Beauty Bar and danced the night away. If you know me at all, you know I am NOT a dancer...but on New Year's Eve, dancing like mine is about as socially acceptable as the sequence shirt I was wearing. So, we had a great time, and made tons of new memories with some of my favorite people on the planet! When we got back to the house we hung out for a bit by the fire-lit chiminea and then fell asleep. A perfect evening with lovely friends.

 This is a view from the front porch of Melanie on the swing, New Year's Day.

We met Randy, went to Magnolia, and had a great breakfast with hilarious conversation before heading home. I give Austin 2011 NYE six thumbs up. I couldn't have asked for a sweeter time with each of these friends who are oh so important to me in their own ways. I am so grateful to God for the way He crosses paths. I know Randy, because we only worked together for a few months before I shipped off to Australia. I know Alayna and Melanie through SouthFM shows. I know Darby because she was the previous intern at a church I worked for. I know Kyle because Darby showed me a note Aaron wrote on facebook, and I replied to it, and Aaron gave Kyle our number on a New Year's Eve, in Chicago, two year's ago.

What if Randy had worked at the CVC a few months later? What if I hadn't kept in touch with Paco and SouthFM after high school? What if I had never gone to New Zealand to see Darby and read Aaron's note? What if we had decided to just stay in Dallas for NYE 2009?....All of these what if's could have produced different outcomes. But I think God knows what He's doing. I think He can see all the connection webs at one time. Whether He places people in their paths or we choose them I don't know. Perhaps it's a little of both? But either way, I love watching how God decides to allow people to be woven together. I hope He was glorified in our joy of loving the Earth He's created, the food He's given us, and the people He's made. Thank you so much Lord, for such a sweet time with sweet friends.