So I bought a house, in Corinth. People have been giving me a hard time about how far away it is...but really, what does that even mean? Far away from what? From you? You dont even come over that often/if at all right now! So yes...I bought a house that was 5 miles from my church and 15 miles from my work. And this upsets you? Why? The only people who actually come to my place on a regular basis have already taken the time to drive out to Corinth...and I am MORE than willing to drive a little extra to see them as well. Its my FIRST house! So yes, I DID choose a nicer, newer, house for cheaper...that happened to be a little farther out. I went the safer route because I am a single girl with not a lot of cash. I wanted something low maintenence with great resell value.
Besides, do you think I got this place to live in all my life? You are CRAZY. I already feel trapped because of my 3 year commitment to keep the tax credit. I even fell apart about it over the phone to a friend yesterday. I havent lived in the same place for more than 2 years since I was 18. I enjoy the fact that I COULD pick up and go if I so choose. And we all know of the extreme commitment-phobe that I am. I'll be THIRTY in 3 years!!! Now, I've tied myself to this house, in DALLAS? What if I still want to move to California? What if I actually get to know marriage, and that leads me elsewhere? What if? What if?
Once I simmered down, my friend on the phone said something that I feel was the Lord's comfort. The conversation went something like this...
"...((me ranting, raving))...and what the hell was I thinking? I feel like I'm forcing myself to settle down with this job and this house and I am just sooo not ready for that! I dont even have a husband and kids! Shouldnt I be traveling and flying by the seat of my pants, doing things now that I cant do later?!"
to which he says, "Carisse, maybe thats what you had ENVISIONED, but that doesnt have to be true. Having a house doesnt mean youre settled down, it means you own a home."
And I thought about those few words for a long while. "Envisioned". He's right. What I "envision" to be true, and standard, and future plan...means nothing to God. My instincts have never lead me astray thus far. I am a full believer that The Holy Spirit is what we call "instinct". That small gut feeling that tugs us this way or that for no concrete reason. And for whatever reason...I picked this house. Of all the looking, and driving by, and online, and stress, and loss of sleep to find a house...I just picked this one, same as I did my car, same as I did my couch, same as I picked australia...or whatever other high dollar investments I've made. At some point, things just click and I go with one.
Who knows the plans God has for me? I feel that we rarely get to understand reasons. But I do know that this is a step I have taken, and just like everything else in my life...i dont consider this new purchase to be my own. I decided to buy a house for an investment as a steward of my money. I bought a huge project that I will enjoy working on. I bought a place to lay my head and night that can shelter whoever comes through dallas, or is hard up and needs a place to crash. This house is not my own. It is nothing but a gift that I have been given to use for a time. The tornados running through here last week reminded me of that. My house, my job, my friends, my health. NOTHING is promised me. And so I take little steps here and there, that lead me through my own story.
Have I finally "put down roots" and "settled down"? No way. I've just taken a break from leases, and parking, rent-increase, and third stories, and creepy-van-guy that lives downstairs. I'm just laying my head in a different place at night.
I'm going with my lovely friend Victoria, to see Ginny in Laos in three weeks. With stops in Bali and Bankok while we're there! Updates to come.
