Song I like

I LOVE the new song from Civil Twilight. Here are the lyrics.

One of these days the sky's gonna break and everything will escape and I'll know
One of these days the mountains are gonna fall into the sea and they'll know
That you and I were made for this
I was made to taste your kiss
We were made to never fall away
Never fall away

One of these days letters are gonna fall from the sky telling us all to go free
But until that day I'll find a way to let everybody know that you're coming back, you're coming back for me
'Cause even though you left me here I have nothing left to fear
These are only walls that hold me here
Hold me here, hold me here

The only walls to hold me here

One day soon I'll hold you like the sun holds the moon
And we will hear those planes overhead and we won't have to be scared
We won't have to be scared, we won't have to be scared

You're coming back for me



and I found this painting on their website that somebody did. Not only do i LOVE it, but it looks a LOT like something Ginny would do...the best artist in the WORLD!

Symptoms

I've been doing this little Bible Study by Beth Moore called "Living Free". Don't be fooled by the ABSOLUTE cheesiness of the front cover! This study is really wonderful and makes a lot of sense to my brain. Today was called "A Picture of Satisfaction". She talks about how our physical symptoms of hunger and thirst are a picture for our spiritual symptoms, so i wanted to share a bit with you.

When you are hungry, how do you know? Do you get cranky? Stomach growl? Tired? When you are thirsty does your mouth get dry? So it is with our spiritual hunger.

"The most obvious symptom of a soul in need of God's satisfaction is a sense of inner emptiness. The awareness of a hollow place somewhere deep inside--the inability to be satisfied--ought to be a flashing caution light to every believer....Does your hungry soul ever manifest physical symptoms like irritability, selfish ambitions, anger, impure thoughts, envy, resentments, and eruptions of lust?"

oh so THAT's where those things come from? I thought I was just temporarily insane.

Prayer

I don't pray anywhere near as often as I should. In fact, most of the time, I seek answers from everyone within an earshot of me, fully intending to pray about it later, when I have time, when i have my journal out and ready to go. For some reason I feel like God can hear me better when i write it down. How often do I go back and do that though?

And yesterday, while sitting by the pool I was discussing one of my trials with a friend that I wasn't even aware was remotely religious. He said, "Do you know what my answer to everthing is now?...Pray about it!".

But this is something I would like to change about myself. I should be going to God FIRST. Whether great matters or small, thats who I should be talking to. And then I should probably also stick around for an answer. I find it so difficult to be quiet and still, even for a few minutes. No wonder I struggle with making decisions for myself. I am so used to collecting everyone else's opinions and putting a significant amount of weight in them, that I have trouble being decisive for myself. I typically get into conversations where the other party ends with, "...well, I think thats something only you can decide."

I would love to have clear answers. Simple yes and no cards would suffice. I would give anything to ask God a question just before I went to bed, and then wake up with a little card on my pillow that says "yes"...or "no" depending on the situation. I wish His silence was not an option. I get so frustrated with silence. And it seems to come more often than answers.

#4...Pray. Always. In everything.

Light Reading

This post may be gross to you. Thats okay, I'm sure I'm gross to several people on this continent.

I have come up with a solution for books that are not 100% attractive to my a.d.d. mind. You see, I have a big book collection. Two large bookcases in my living room as we speak, and, for several years now I have made the rule for myself, "I will not buy any new books until I've read EVERYthing I already own". It was a financially responsible rule, however, I did enjoy breaking it when the Twilight series came out and Shasta had given away her copy of the second one (New Moon?) that I was dying to read. I broke down and made Nick go with me to the Mother Store of Half Price Books to get the last remaining copy in the metroplex.

There are books like that, (perhaps not my most intelligent example), but you know, books that captivate you right from chapter one, and you cant wait to get home and begin, or give up several stretches of social interaction just to get to the bottom of them!!!! ...Then, there are books that I am now designating as my "light reading". You know, books that make "best seller" lists, books that are "classics", books that are deemed "great" but you cant for the life of you understand what is so great about them, and you feel like you MUST finish so you can participate in the "I read that once..." club.

I like to try and give books their fair shot. Afterall, I was not enveloped in Harry Potter until the end of book 2...around that time was when I couldn't put them down. To my recollection there are only two books I have ever made the decision to cease reading, unfinished, sell, and not feel bad about it. The first was "Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance" by Robert M. Pirsig. I feel like every hostel I ever went in had a copy of this on its shelf and it is a very popular book among backpackers. However, they fail to mention that the author previously wrote technical manuals for a living before that book...and thats about how how exciting his novel was as well. SELL. The second, is now "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I got excited about the movie version previews of this book. It had Julia Roberts, Bali, traveling, adventure...I thought it sounded good. So, I bought the book to read before the movie, even though my lovely sister in law Stacey warned me it might be narcissistic. It WAS. I was about 1/3 of the way through the book when Shast and I decided to go ahead and see the movie last night. It was TERRIBLE. No good. And, because the first 1/3 of the movie was very true to the book...ive decided there is nothing I can gain from reading more. So it goes into the SELL pile. I'm convinced the only reason this book got any attention is because of Oprah's book club, concieted people, and New Ageists.

But what about those books that are probably pretty good, but have a rough beginning? Sometimes the beginning may just not catch my attention because what is going on in my own life is irrelevant to the story? For me, books like The Hobbit. I know I will be glad I read it, but I have trouble sitting for hours reading page after page of dwarf and troll descriptions. What about John Piper? He's a little wordy in big doses and I have to translate all of his Christianese words as I go. Or the several books about teaching sitting on my shelf? I love my occupation, but i ingest a lot of that stuff through daily routine and trainings. So how do I make myself get through these kinds of books without dreading book time? ...I read them in the bathroom!! Perfect solution and right now I am steadily working my way through the Hobbit...and LOVING it. I read 2-4 pages everytime I go in there. I always stop and the end of the page on the right so that I know to begin again at the top of the page on the left. I don't do this when I'm in a hurry. It may seem like it somehow makes the book gross, but it doesnt. My hands are clean when I go in there, and they are clean when I set the book back on the window. Perfect solution if you ask me. Some may call todays post "TMI" or "Too Much Information". Perhaps. But this is my blog and I write about anything and everything these days. So there you go.

#3: READ EVERY BOOK I OWN!

Food

GO RENT "FOOD INC."!!!

I thought this film was really interesting. I like documentaries anyway...but this one actually answered part of a question I've had for a long time...where does our food come from? We are such blind consumers as I am a part of a generation who has grown up entirely in a grocery store. I've said it before and I'm serious, if grocery stores were taken away and I had to find my own food, I would be a vegetarian no question! I can't imagine killing anything. Yet the food I consume daily came from SOMEwhere. SOMEone grew it, killed it, packaged it, put it on a truck and sent it to a store near me. Thats a lot of work for me to have flavors that satisfy my mouth. I was also fortunate to grow up in an upper-middle-class environment where I even had the choice to eat foods that TASTE good. I remember my kiddos from Fortress just being happy to get anything in their stomach, unconcerned with luxuries like "taste".

This film begs me to ask the question, what can I do with this new information in my brain? I suppose a long-term goal would be to operate a garden in my backyard. But, a more realistic and simple goal might simply to start by shopping at Whole Foods. Researching the food inside my belly will take time, but can be attained eventually. But the quickest solution I can provide myself TODAY, is shop once/week or twice/month at Whole Foods. (I am a super huge fan of this store since I took a tour). Yes it is more expensive and out of the way. However, the film makes a valid arguement. For those of us not devoted to picket signs and letters to congressmen, whats the easiest way we can vote? By what we purchase! If I choose to pay an extra dollar or two to buy cage-free eggs...then I am VOTING to say, yes, i think chickens should be free to roam about and eat organic things before they pop out an egg that I will ingest.

One of the more interesting points of the film is from the leader of Stonyfield Farms who has products inside walmart. He realized that maybe in our economy the story shouldnt be David against Goliath...but David needed to BECOME Goliath. And the buyer from Walmart admitted...he doesnt care where the products come from, he cares what the consumer wants that puts a paycheck in his pocket. So if people BUY Stonyfield Farms, then Walmart would CARRY Stonyfield Farms. FASCINATING.


Which leads me to #2 on my Carisse 2.0 list:

#2. Take into consideration where my food comes from and VOTE WITH MY PURCHASES!!

Carisse 2.0

Today I bought a pencil skirt. FROM TARGET! And its awesome. And it was 1/3 the cost of what the Gap was offering. I've decided I want to look much more professional at work. For the last two years I've warn Darby and Teal's hand-me-downs that I have yet to hem to my personal height. So I've simply rolled them up at the cuff daily and blended in easily with the crowd of 13yr. olds. I'm sure there has to be some points lost on the respect scale for dressing so close to kid style, as if they were my peers.

As I sifted through adult clothes in the galleria today, I felt a bit of an embrace with my age. You see, ever since I left that wonderful year of 25 where I gave up a bunch of stuff and followed my wanderlust to Australia...well...I began this huge boxing match with the number that befalls my age. I've all but beaten that number to a bloody pulp, attempting to somehow thwart the schemes of the big 3-0 so close on my horizon. Until today. Today, from the simple task of walking through stores, I realized, I'm kind of a woman!

I'm kind of free to make every choice on my own. Free to get on a plane and go anywhere in the world. Free to wear heels and drink wine and stay up all night! And, something as silly as shopping got me to thinking...if I can change something as small as my wardrobe at work, maybe I could change some other things as well? Not in a selling my soul kind of way, but more in an emerging from the cocoon out of the pupal stage way!

When Jeremy used to want to change something about himself, (or at least convince me that he had), he would use the statement, "No, no, that was old Jeremy. But THIS is Jeremy 2.0!"

Thats kind of how I feel. So i've started a list in my pocket of old skins that might be fun to shed. And the first one is:

#1. Buy a pencil skirt and look like an adult....CHECK! Whats next?!








For your listening pleasure. Here is a song by The Low Anthem that I have listened to in my car on repeat. They were even better live!!!!